Abused Child Please Read ALL!?

Question

I know a 14 year old girl who is abused by both her parents. She is now in the hospital because of her parents abuse.I am taking care of her right now, I am kind of like her mother (I'm in my late 40's). She recently told CPS that her parents abuse her. Her parents are now away from her and probley will go to jail. I'm going to adopt her. Right now she is very sick. She just had surgery a 3 days ago. Today was the first time she woke up. When she woke up she was screaming and crying because she had a bad dream about her parents. She gets these bad dreams alot. I don't know how to calm her down. Sometimes I tell her stories or rub her back or hold her hand and talk to her while she sleeps or I sleep in bed with her but she is still so scared. She also acts like she is 4 and she clings to me. If I have to leave her hospital room to go get something to eat or if I have to go to the bathroom or if I even let go of her hand while she is sleeping so that I can do some work from my laptop....

she will start to get very scared and ask if I'm leaving her. It's OK that she acts like this now I understand why she is acting like this but how long is she going to be like this? When will she be less clingy? I don't really mind it but I want her to grown up and have a life and stand on her own to feel and not ALWAYS rely on me. Is it OK that I do all those diffrent things for her to calm her down or am I just making her cling to me more? Also what are some good ideas on how to get her to sleep more and not have as many bad and scary dreams about her parents?

She is going to start therapy very soon and I already started therapy and later on when she is healthier I will do therapy with her.

Answer 1

It sounds to me that she has a lot of issues to deal with. It would probably be a good idea to seek some conseling for her. The counselor can help her work through the issues and help you with strategies for how to help her cope. You might want to check with CPS or even the area churches if anyone knows of a support group for people dealing with what you are (you might even find one online?). Lots of other people have dealt with the same issues. A big thing is to constantly reassure her. Considering her age, you might be able to talk to her to. in regards to the eating, bathroom, and working on the laptop issues...explain very calmly that you need to keep yourself healthy and get all your work done so that you can be there to support her and help her and that you will be right there next to her while you work/eat. For the leaving thing...maybe you could set a time for how long you should be gone..."I'm going to be gone ten minutes" and give her a clock to watch...she will know exactly how much longer you will be gone and be less panicked (just be sure you get back in time...it's better to say you'll be gone longer just to be safe). It kind of works like when a dad goes away on a long business trip and mom gives the kids a calendar to count the days until he gets back. Kids have issues with time (even though she's 14 she mentally is set in kid mode), so anything to make time more real helps.

Answer 2

I feel for you oth. May god be with you. I am so sorry that she has been treated like that and the fact that she has no security. But you will be her rock now and you should be her rock. I have never been abused physically but have been a bit mentally. she will feel alone, scared, depressed. All she needs is you to stick up for her. Unfortunetally , I cant tell how long this will last. She does need some very serious therapy and alot of love and devotion. She might have scars from this for the rest of her future. there are those who end up in councelling for years. Just reassure her of what you are doing right now and then do it. She will have to learn that you too have to eat and live. It will be VERy hard for her, but she has to learn and she has to learn to trust you as well. Be her comfort and her rock...may you also trust the lord will be there too. Pray. May God bless yu and keep you both safe. You are doing this girl a wonderful thing by bein ghtere for her and wanting a better life. I wish all the best and be patient.

Answer 3

Well, it sounds like there are a lot of legal issues in this question. First of all 14 is still not legal age. So the child is dependent of her parents. And if the courts can prove the parents abusiveness through evidence, then the courts will have to make the decision about what to do with the 14 year old. How did you get custody of her? Where are her parents? What was the surgery for? You may be held responsible for legal lawsuit if you don't look into these questions. Good luck with your decisions.

Answer 4

I work with abused children and I am so happy that you not only realize the need for her to have therapy, but you yourself as well. She has a lot of healing to do and your going to need the extra help. I think it is fine for you to do what you are doing now, therapy will help both of you wean off when it is time. If you are feeling overwhelmed yourself, ask for help. She should have a childrens services worker that can help both of you and is trained for this. Once you adopt, or before, see if anyone offers a mental health case manager, insurance should pay for this. You may also check into intensive in home therapy at first, both of you are going to need alot of help. Good Luck.

Answer 5

BEst thing is therapy and make sure that you tell her that everything is going to be all right and asure her that nothing will ever happen to her again. But also you can hum or sing a song to her when she gets a bad dream. But also explain to her that she will be fine to go out and enjoy the world and you go take her for a walk. It will help her to be around people and it will help her come out more and not be so insecure. But you have a long hard road ahead of you and I give praise to you and other people like you that will help a person out. SO God Bless You and hope everyhting comes out fine you and her.

Answer 6

She's clinging to you because you are showing her love that her parents failed to give and she needs that attention, she may have done without that kind of love most of her life. She will get better once she gets more comfortable around you and feels safe and secure with you. She has lived a bad life, and it's gonna take her time to heal as it would any kid. Just be patient with her and give her all the love she requires and things will get better in time. God bless you for taking care of such a tramatized child.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to both of you and no child deserves this type of treatment. It sounds like you know what has to be done and that you are taking the appropriate steps to help her, but this is all going to take time. You ask how long???Well that is something that nobody can answer as we do not know the extent of the abuse and for how long it has been going on. The most important thing for you to do is to be there for her. I will keep you both in my prayers :)

Answer 8

Sounds like you are already doing the right thing. Poor girl. God bless you for what you are doing. It is going to be overwhelming for a while, but hopefully, with your love and support, and with a good counselor, she will recover soon and be able to stand on her own two feet and feel happy and secure in her life. She will be so grateful to you, for all you did for her.

Answer 9

All this abuse just happened to her so she is still living it. I'm sure within time and with your love and support she will not be as frightened but you might want to seek professional counseling for her to help her deal with all she's been through. Aside from fear, I'm sure there's a lot of built up anger in her that needs to be released.

Answer 10

It's good that you got her out of there. But on the sleeping goes i think all you can do is comfort her and tell her that there not there to hurt her no more. Until her therapy comes and ask there advice.