I have been seeing this guy for over a yr. Just recently (jan) we decided to get serious. Everything between the two of us is wonderful. We go to concerts, out to eat, he's even taken me on outings with his family (mother, father, brother). He is 7yrs my senior (28 birthday in nov 29, Im 22). His baby mama calls him at 3 in the morning (while he's in MY BED) and he answers thinking its was something serious. They stay on the phone for over an hr and 30mins, I know, arguing!!!!! when I told him I found that to be disrespectful he told me that she didn't want him to see his kid anymore (boy,age 4). Said it was something he had to discuss with her, (At 3 in the morning?????) mind you I had to be to wrk at 730am. he has decided to go through the legal system to get visitaion rights granted so that she can't decide when he can and can't see his son. They haven't been talking but today he tells me that he went over to her house(FOR WHAT!!!!) and she tried to have sex with him (2 wks ago).
2007-04-27 12:08:02 · 9 answers · asked by diyola02 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The baby mama married a man after him and had another baby a little girl. (not my mans) but her and the husband got a divorce. I was thinking that maybe she wants him back now because she doesn't want to have another child with another man and have 3 different baby daddy's. I don't know her and I don't even think she knows about me. But she is starting to get on my last nerve and so is he!!!!! for allowing her to have a hold on him like this.
2007-04-27 12:20:04 · update #1
My bf's ex causes WAY less drama over their daughter than yours seems to, but it can still be really really stressful. Just sit down with him and discuss how all this makes you feel (hurt, belittled, disappointed, whatever). While there's only so much you and he can do to control her actions, talk about what you CAN do to minimize their impact. Could he turn off his cell after 11? Could he agree only to go over to her place to pick up his son? Could he go back to court to get visitation settled quickly?
I know that when we date men with exes and children that we have gotten a 2 for the price of 1 deal. I have accepted that, and that there will be some baggage that comes along with it. But that doesn't mean that we have to concede all sanity in our relationship, either. It sounds like he doesn't like the drama, either: you should be able to find some common ground to work through the issues.
2007-04-27 12:19:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got a right to be mad. But you have to understand that they had a child together. And I know that's not the "end-all of end-all's" (meaning it doesn't necessarily mean that them having a child trumps your relationship all the time) But you have to continue to remember where they've been and what it has him caught up in. Of course she doesn't want to see him move on. But in order for your relationship with him to move forward, somehow he's going to have to break it to her that it's over. As far as answering the phone way early in the morning for his son understand that's his child and he's concerned, but he does have to respect your feelings as well. But that's gonna be difficult. And as I answer this I run into a few questions: How sure are you that she's just the baby's mother? And where does he actually stay? Keep in mind that just because you come around the family doesn't mean as much as you may think. As far as her trying to seduce him, that's natural, I'd be cautious of that though. But be patient. Be aware. Don't get played. And LISTEN. Because what you're going to find out is that when you let people talk you can start to hear things "in-between the lines" and then you'll know how to act and what to do. Smile and enjoy life though. You're 22 no time to be stressin.
2007-04-27 12:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by let_it_be_known1981 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I'm a babymama and if it was me doing that to you, believe me that's just on some hata sh*t that she is pulling calling at 3am. and as for yo dude i feel like if he is gonna be handling this child issue in court there is no reason at all to be dealing with his babymama over the phone, in person ect. I do think he still got feelins for her. All I know is when my babydaddy would pulled that sh*t with me (calling me like somethings important about our son) when he had our son and I realized that he was playing games I just stopped answering the phone and checked the voicemail to see if it was really urgent. My point being he does not have to feed into his baby mama's littel girl mentality (that's all she wants is his attention), he must like the fact she calls just to argue and make him feel like he is that important, girl i would leave him alone cuz down the line you and her probly gonna end up fighting (she sound like a chicken head)
2007-04-27 12:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. Rosa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they both have some growing up to do. Poor kid. My husband LEFT ME for his current woman and I'll be damned if I create drama around my son...He needs to continue to go through the legal system and limit his contact with HER until she gets some sense. He is totally catering to this freakish, disruptive behaviour...it does not have to be this way.
YOU need to decide if this man is worth it. Let him know you appreciate that as co-parents they have to communicate but the type of communication they are engaging in is toxic and doesn't benefit anyone. HE needs to stop accepting her calls after decent hours. If she calls at 3 am and its found to not be an emergency, then he needs to hang up. He should not be seeing her unless its to retrieve his son on his court ordered visits. If she refuses, he should just walk away and go to the law and have them explain the court ruling.
If he doesn't tow the line...honey WALK...its not worth your sanity.
2007-04-27 12:27:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, two choices here:
1) Dump him and move on to someone without the baggage
2) REview your feelings of jealousy, get over it, relax, stay in the relationship and know that when it is over, it's over. Go with the flow, as they say. You are too young to have this stress.
2007-04-27 12:17:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what its your fault for dating a man with kids. YOU KNOW that whenever there is a baby mama in the picture that equals drama! So you chose to be with a guy that has baggage so your going to have to deal with it. Be mad at yourself.
2007-04-27 12:12:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have allowed him to handle you this style and placed you in this occasion. You knew he became untrue, you knew he became untrustworthy and yet you went to him. he's a loser, yet you save staying with him and believing his lies, and as long as you enable him smash out with it he will in no way provide up treating you this style. If I have been you i could attempt and make certain why you are trying this. Then artwork on changing the kind you opt for and date men. how are you able to blame him whilst that's you who inspire him via persevering with to incredible around
2016-10-13 22:55:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a fellow brother to a fellow female, he must be one HELL of a man or have one HELL of a d!ck for you to put up with this level of foolishness -- all in the name of love.
It is obvious that you and the baby mama and him would be a TRIANGLE for life.
That is strictly non-negotiable.
2007-04-27 12:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by DaMan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever there are children involved (or a child as in your case) this woman will be in your lives forever. Only you can decided if you can deal with it or not.
2007-04-27 12:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋