2007-04-27 11:56:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You hit a universal nerve! ") I guess there are exceptions...but seem rare. MIL's are at an age that life can decline out from under them and they feel cheated that they didn't get the husband like their own son. Don't mean to get Freudian, but I think it's generally true. MIL's need to behave themselves, however, or they will miss out on the GREATEST GIFT to the older generation--their own Grandchildren!!! As the life span extends, we HAVE to learn to get a life after our children are grown--AND celebrate their creation of a new family!!! There is nothing like spending time with the children of our children!! We see glimpses of our child, but with variation on the theme!! SO thrilling to develop a relationship with these little ones; help occupy them while their mothers are busy cooking dinner, etc., etc. AND how these creative little people develop through the years!!! I have only one daughter and son-in-law and hope that I'm a sensible "side bar" to their lives! I get my other emotional needs met with others my age and old friends and activities. I HOPE I wouldn't be a pain if I had had a son and his family!! I also think that it is an old cultural tradition that the son takes care of his mother and his wife pays homage to the MIL!! Thankfully, most Americans have gotten away from this, thanks to the great mobility of the population!! ---As the others say, ASK/INSIST that your husband support you! AND try not to get just like her in your resistance! Good luck!!!!
2007-04-27 13:14:18 · answer #1 · answered by Martell 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My credentials to voice an opinion on these.
Married twice - both times to a single male child of the Mother-in-Law.
Their problem?
Rejection.
They feel rejected when their man child goes out and finds a new woman! Because to the M-I-L - she is all the woman that her precious should ever want or need. The new woman should be useful for only one thing that (hopefully) the son does not want from his mother.Therefore they are willing for you do provide that service - after all - sonny boy must have whatever toys he wants!
But as for anything else - she is the sole provider. And anything that you attempt - cooking, cleaning, dressing, socializing - anything at all will NEVER be as good as she does it and it will not be good enough for the fruit of her womb!
I can only say that the very best thing that you can do is NEVER, NEVER drive a wedge between your husband and her. Never demand that he takes sides - that just makes him feel bad and who do you think he is going to take that out on? It will not be Mummy Dearest.
So - just play it clever.
Admire her decor. Tell her you have never eaten such fab cake/porridge/curry and please may you have the recipe. Ask her for ideas as to what to get The Precious One for his birthdays, Christmas etc., (and then get what you want to get!) - just keep her on side.
Remember - you married him NOT her! But she is the one who has the power to make your life pleasant or hell!
And lastly remember this - when it comes to your turn - REMEMBER TO BE THE MOTHER IN LAW THAT YOU WISHED YOU HAD!!
2007-04-27 12:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by isobellistowel 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In my case, its because his birthmother is just plain shallow. She feels guilty that she was a BAD mother and somehow this translates into finding fault with me. I find her to be incredibly shallow and self-centered (as does the rest of the family) and have no interest in pleasing her. Of course, she's rich too and seems to think everyone is only interested in money, like she is. My husband has been jerked around by her and her manipulative games all his life but it wasn't until we married that he started making healthy choices for himself about how to deal with her. I'm proud of how he stands up to her on my behalf AND his own, especially his own. I know how hard it is to tell your mother to mind her own business but he does it. Some MILs are the way they are becuase their sons don't have the guts to stand up to them. My ex still kisses his mother's ***. He's 32 years old and he lives under her thumb... disgusting.
2007-04-27 12:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They see you as competition, you are stealing their son's attention and love. That is when the guy needs to explain that just like a mother can love more than one child, a man can love his mother and a girlfriend or wife.
2007-04-27 12:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by voidtillnow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because they feel insecure. Secondly, they do so, because their MIL done so. They want to compare there son love towards, mother and wife, and try to do emotional black mail. I know a MIL, who says, if his son goes to his wife, She will not free his son for the milk she feed him, at the day of judgement. They never understanding how pain full all this for a girl, who is married to his son.
2014-08-08 19:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by Irshad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is simple. because you are not them and they feel like they are being replaced in their son's life by you.
The best way to deal with a situation like this is to ask her advice often, even if you do NOT agree with everything, do some things her way, that way she can see that you are not trying to take her son away from her, and she can also maybe start to see you as gaining a daughter, it could make things a lot easier in the long run!
2007-04-27 12:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by mrsmommaid 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been married to an only child for 14 years. I have never been able to please my MIL. From cooking to cleaning to parenting, she says she does it better than me. My husband, however, will stand up to her, we are in a battle with her right now, because she believes we are not tough enough on our children, and told me in front of my kids that she was a better mother than me. Which is completely false, she just believes I should just "spank" them for every little thing they do, including my child that is autistic.
She's crazy.
As far as advice, I believe that life is too short to try and please someone. As long as you are good to her son and grandchildren...thats all you should have to do.
2007-04-27 12:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by Angie P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because our husbands (mine included) don't have the balls to stand up to his mother and tell her to back off and mind her own business!
2007-04-27 12:00:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
mother-in-law
rearrange the letters and you get
woman hitler
i think that just about explains everything
2007-04-27 12:46:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They can't stand the fact that their son is not under their influence any longer.
2007-04-27 12:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋