me & my fiance are planning our wedding but everyone seems to have a problem with it!?

Question

ok, me & my fiance have had some problems, and lots of fight but now we're working things out and are happy about planning our wedding... but our families especially his mom, and grandma really dont want us to get married and i think its affecting him in a big way... what do i do?

Answer 1

First of all, don't worry, you are not alone. My parents, well actually my mom had a problem with both my wife and my brother's wife. The thing you have to remember is that if you go into a marriage thinking it will fail, then it probably will. But only you and your husband can determine your success. My wife and I actually broke up for about 6 months before we got married. Now we have a beautiful daughter and a great life together. Parents will always think that they are right and will always think they have more wisdom than their sons and daughters.

You are going to just have a tough skin. It sucks, but there is no way around it. If they succeed in pushing you two apart, then they will continue to involve themselves in your personal life. You cannot let this happen. Stand strong and stick to your beliefs. You two are the one who will live together. Besides, your husband and you are the ones making a life together.

The only real advice I can offer you is be honest, both to yourself and to your husband. As long as that is maintained, I'm sure that the two of you will truly enjoy being married and sharing your life.

I had to make a choice early in my relationship with my wife, which affected my relationship with my mom. Time and communication does heal most wounds. Now, my mom and I have a MUCH better relationship. We can talk about a lot of things that would have previously gone unsaid. Tell your fiance that you will be there for the rest of your life. If he wants to make that commitment to his mom, then you shouldn't get married. Also, if he is an only child, or has an especially strong bond with his mom, it will be difficult, but you will prevail. Good luck, and I wish you all the best. Just stay strong!

Answer 2

There are so many instances when families do not want a couple to get married for many different reasons. Sometimes they are right, and sometimes they are wrong, only time will tell that. What I would do, however, is plan a little get together and ask these people who are objecting to it exactly why they are objecting. Don't get angry and really make an effort to see where they are coming from. Maybe they have some valid points that do need to be considered. A few additional pieces of advice: 1.) my home ec teacher told us that a couple should live together before they decide to marry because no matter how much you love someone, there are people you just can't live with. Give it at least a year if you are not already living together. 2.) go through some counseling classes prior to the marriage by either an actual psychologist/marriage counselor or by a pastor. These people are usually unbiased enough to really see if there is a problem.

Answer 3

You say it's affecting him in a big way, but you don't say what his thoughts are on still getting married. If you're both old enough to marry legally, which I assume you are, you don't need anyone else's permission and you can plan your wedding the way you want. If, sadly, some people choose not to attend, then it's their loss. After all, the bride and groom are marrying each other, their families aren't getting married. They're just there to share the couple's wedding day.

Answer 4

My friend just had the same thing happen to her. She told everyone she was going on vacation with her fiance to finalize the wedding plans. Then they came back married!
So if your families are against it, don't invite them!

You will get less presents this way however.

Answer 5

I can't tell you what to do about that but i can tell you because i'm living though it Don't get married untill the family issue is settled it WILL NOT get better just because you got married. Even if the wedding has to be postponed it is important to deal with the issue NOW better than Later..

Answer 6

IF THE BOTH OF U ARE COMMITED TO EACH
OTHER THAN I WOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT
ANYONE ELSE AND ESPECIALLY WHAT THEY
HAVE TO SAY.... UNLESS THEY ARE PAYING
FOR THE WEDDING THAN THAT IS A DIFFERENT
STORY..U NEED TO REMEMBER WHEN U ARE
PLANNING A WEDDING IT WILL BE VERY
STRESSFUL AND THERE WILL BE MANY DIS-
AGREEMENTS ALONG THE WAY. BUT IF THE
TWO OF U ARE HONESTLY IN LOVE WITH EACH
OTHER THAN THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY
PROBLEMS ............ WHAT EVER THE OUT COME
I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK AND IF U DO MARRY
THEN I ALSO WISH U ALL THE HAPPINESS TO U
BOTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Answer 7

Guys you fight with make for bad marriages ,
But if you are paying for it ALL yourselves ,
Then only you can decide .
We smartly refused ANY $$$ to our family member that insisted on getting into a bad marriage .
Good thing , because that one was in the trash in 2 yrs.
Given your history , set aside a fund for divorce court and separation expenses etc .
BTW - the label divorced will be much more ugly than ' broken up' , be ready for that .

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Answer 8

I am not sure there is anything you can do. As long as you two are sure of it then that is all that matters. When my husband and I got married (23 yrs ago). Noone wanted it. His parents begged him not to and my father actually offered my husband a lot of money to leave the state. Now they realize they were all wrong. His parents adore me totally. It all worked out.

Answer 9

Ahhh the dreaded future mother-in-law...welcome to the club. Tell him how you feel, but be very very nice and very calm and subtle about it. Because you're talking about his mom and in my experience as soon as I start with this conversation my boyfriend gets all defensive. Just say you know how you feel about each other and maybe he could talk to his mom and grandma and tell them how much he cares about you. Because of course they would want him to be happy. And if that's you then they're just going to have to deal with it. Hope everything works out!!!

Answer 10

Elope! Then once they realize that you two are serious about the commitment you are making then maybe they will lessen up and enjoy a reception to follow in the later months.