How do I deal with my boyfriend having a son?

Question

He never gets a baby-sitter when he wants to take me out to dinner, so for Valentine's day and my birthday, he's taken me out to dinner, and his son too. I wouldn't mind so much, but he has taught his son no manners whatsoever and ends up just yelling at him half the time.

To clarify, I've been with him for 6 months now, and I adore his son, but I've bent over backwards to be accomodating, from always being over there and never at my place, to taking his son to a basketball game, I love the kid to death, but if married couples hire a sitter everyonce in a while, whats so wrong with a single Dad doing it (at least once in 6 months)? I try not to be a "mother figure" in his sons' life because he is still close to his mom, and I don't want to try to take her place. I guess this is one of those issues that just starts peeking its ugly head after you've been with somebody for awhile. Any step parents out there that have dealt with with before?

Answer 1

I think that you should take this opportunity to see what life would be like if you got in deep. Only it would be worse!

You would NEVER be able to tell the child off - he has his own mother and father to do that.

His son will - quite rightly so - always be first for him.

But the fact that this man has made no effort to get time together with you - especially on Valentines Day - (where was the boys mother - or was she having a nice tete-a-tete ALONE with her partner) - all this tells me that you are his MS. RIGHTNOW not his MS. RIGHT!

I know this might be hard - but do you really want to get further involved in this? If you do all I can suggest is telling him what you have said here - lay it on the line that you expect to have some quality time with him alone and without a constant reminder of a previous relationship.

Good luck - and PLEASE - think very carefully about this!

Answer 2

The real question is why hasn't he hired a sitter.
1) It may be that he is trying to give his son back that perfect family and wants the three of you to do EVERYTHING together. (this is my husband)

2) He feels guilty (or is being made to feel guilty by the child) about giving up time and attention with his son for you

3) He's afraid it will come back to bite him court somehow

4) He doesnt feel comfortable with a sitter, or there is no one nearby to sit

5) It really just hasn't crossed his mind/doesnt realize its a problem.

Try sending the boy to stay at a friends house or with a grandparent, or schedule your dinners out when the mother has him or he has a practice/class that another person can pick him up from. You may have to compromise and celebrate special events a couple of days earlier or later, but atleast you'll get your time alone.

Answer 3

how long have u been with him?if he already had his son before u met him,then u know what u were getting urself into,like or not,that kid will alwayz be his son.if u still want to be with him,them make urself useful(be a mother figure)to the child and teach him some manner.sorry u dinner didn't go well.but if u trying to separate ur man from his son,u might as well try to find another man with no child.

Answer 4

You could start by talking to him about it and letting him know exactly how you feel. Perhaps, he might try to give you some alone time or not. Regardless, though, you should be honest and if things aren't changing to your contentment you're probably not compatible together.

Answer 5

Find a different boyfriend and one that has no kids.

Answer 6

he is his son he is responsible for teaching the child manners

Answer 7

Get a new boyfriend.

Answer 8

you need a new relationship
you arent ready for this one

Answer 9

leave him if u cant deal wit it......