Can you help me understand my son's behavior?

Question

I have a little boy who turned 3 years old last month. I am a stay-at-home mom and during the average day he listens to me and behaves pretty well...most of the time does what I ask, plays nicely with myself and his younger sister, doesn't really throw many fits or tantrums.
However, when his father comes home from work this all changes. He begins to be loud, really rough with everyone, doesn't listen, and usually ends up in teary-eyed, stomping fit at least once throughout the evening.
Although he does get the occational time out during the day with me, it's pretty much a given that sometime before bedtime he will get sent to time-out at least once.
I am not sure why this happens. Both of my children are always very happy to see their father when he comes home, as am I. My husband always gives both kids attention when comes home, gives them hugs, asks how their day went before he even gets to me. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help to make this transition easier?

Answer 1

What is his napping schedule like during the day? When does he wake in the morning? When does he take a nap and for how long and what time does he normally go to bed?

My son was like this at 3 and we thought that is was because my oldest got home from school at 3:15 and that's when he always started going haywire. We thought her negative energy (she was 13 and going through puberty BIG TIME!) was affecting him. After we tried everything I started looking at his napping and eating schedule. We realized that he was napping too early in the day (he would wake up at 5 a.m. and nap by 9 or 10 in the morning and wasn't going to bed until 7 at night) and by the time 3 came he was exhausted and getting anxious and fussy.

I started getting him to sleep a little later in the morning and moved his naps to 11. He would sleep about an hour and a half then and then he was in bed by 7. That one little change made a big difference. We also realized that he was hungry around that time but I usually didn't let him snack because it was too close to dinner (we used to eat at 5). I moved dinner back to 6 and started letting him have a light snack at 3:30.

Those 2 things together changed his entire afternoon personality. No more fits, rough housing, or temper tantrums. Look at those things and see if they need to be altered a bit to make sure that his evenings are as enjoyable as his mornings and afternoons.

Answer 2

It sounds like he is so excited and happy to have dad home that he can't contain himself. Have dad call him from the car/office before e leaves to come home so your son has some time to get himself ready. After the intial "Dad's home" rush, give your son an important job like setting the table for dinner or putting away his clothes from the dryer. The more important the job is to the family the better. Have your husband praise your son for being such a big boy and helping so well. The rest of the time, catch him being good. Try to ignore the freaking out and in a quiet moment, praise him lavishly for it. It sounds like you are doing everything right, your son is just smart and active and is bubbling forth with joy when his family is together at night. This may show up again when you go to events like the zoo, or to the doctor with hes younger sister etc. Helping him develop a way to "take a break" when his energy overflows will help him learn necessary long-term skills.
Try making a "monkey card" and holding it up when his "monkey energy" is getting the better of him. When he sees the monkey card, he needs to roll like a log on the floor, or pick up his room or some other less destructive energy flow.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Even though it sounds like your hubby is giving him attention, it would seem that this is why your son is acting this way. For attention. Try this: when your son begins acting up, have your husband say "I'm not giving you any of my attention when you are acting ugly." Then have Dad immediately leave the room. Audience is then gone! Dad, don't come back into that room until jr. has quieted and settled himself down. Give it a try. I'll bet your son soon figures out that if he wants to spend time with Dad, it will have to be on Dad's terms..... meaning no fits! Good luck. And don't give up!

Answer 4

The only thing that I found that works is distraction. During the day make a picture for daddy to give to him when he walks through the door or another activity that helps him with the transition, i know transitions are really hard for toddlers, my son is the same way.

Answer 5

Since you are a stay at home mom, could it be that he feels that once your husband gets home, he is not getting your full attention, as he did during the day. He may be committing negative behavior feeling that a negative response is better then losing your attention. Try letting him play alone for parts of the day, starting with a few minutes, and gradually giving him more time, so as to lessen his dependence upon your attention.

Answer 6

My 2 year old son tends to be the same way... what I tried was giving him a little snack just before Dad gets home... it works!!

Answer 7

It might be that his blood sugar is low. My daughter used to get this way when her blood sugar would drop so I started giving her a snack later in the day. It worked.

Answer 8

maybe your husband needs to do more then what he is doing with him right know,like recreation,take him to the park,or a walk,play games, do art projects together,stuff like that,it sounds like he just wants a Little more attention,or maybe he's going through a growth spurt,or he's just tired and when he See's dad he is cranky. i would shot for more recreation every week.