Behavioral problems in my 3 1/2 yr old daughter?

Question

My 3 1/2 yr old daughter refuses to mind, no matter how I punish her, and she refuses to go to the potty. I tried putting panties on her, but she still wet them. For a few months, she wouldn't pee in the potty, but she would poop everytime, and now, she's back to pooping in her pull-up again and not going to the potty at all. I have tried everything....panties, rewards, lots of praise and nothing helps.

As for her behavior problems: she won't mind...I am constantly getting on to her for the same things over and over again. My mother thinks something is wrong with her, but what? I'm about at my wits end with her. I don't know what else to do.

Actually, I have tried spanking..and not a light tap on the bottom, either....doesn't help. She continues to do it regardless of what I do.

Oh wow. So I'm a bad parent because I spank my child? No, that does NOT make me a bad parent. And there is NOTHING wrong with me or my mother. She only says that because she said she's never seen a child act the way she does. I have another daughter, age 10, that acting NOTHING like my 3 yr old does. My oldest was content in sitting in the floor, playing with her toys, reading or whatever and my 3 yr old won't even consider it. If I give her a book, she tears it up.

Don't assume anything unless you know ALL the facts first. I am NOT a bad mother at all. I just don't know what to do about her.

I appreciate everyone's response to my problem (except the one who belittles my mothering abilities, because I do have another child that is well-behaved, an extremely gifted student in school (and yes, she has been considered for the TAG program), polite. My other daughter pretty much potty trained herself at 3 1/2 so I'm still holding out hope for my 3 yr old now. As far as the responses, I am reading everyone of them and taking each one into consideration. Someone suggested I look up ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and quite a few of the characteristics sound like my child, so I will have her tested and see what the doctor says (better safe than sorry, right?). I am going to Wal-Mart tomorrow and buying her a blank page book and letting her pick out some stickers and will give her stickers everytime she goes, so I hope that works!!

Thank you all so much for your responses and not making me feel worthless as a mother. God Bless You All!!!

Answer 1

dont scream or yell. take her to get tested and maybe look into a parenting class or group that will give you some coping tools and support.

also keep in mind that she is still VERY young and children that age act on impulse.

Answer 2

Don't panic. It's very common for children who are potty trained to have set backs. I would suggest getting rid of the pull-ups. They are nothing but a glorified diaper. They wick moisture away just like a diaper and are confusing to children. You are going to have to stick close to the house for about a week. Be diligent. Take her every time you go. I use stickers as a reward in my daycare. When a child has earned 10 stickers, they get to pick a prize. I usually hit the party isle at the local mega store for prizes. They have all kinds of neat "treasures". Go buy the prettiest pair of frilly panties you can find. Tell her she only gets to wear them if she goes in the potty like a big girl. Don't give up. As far as the other behavior problems, be consistent. Time outs work well for me. Remove her to a safe, quiet place. The time out doesn't start until the fit has stopped and she is calm. I usually allow 1 minute for each yr. of the child's age. Try 3-4 minutes. Don't give in. Things will get better. Be patient and give it some time. All children go through a phase where they test their parents. Stand your ground.

Answer 3

I think it's Little early to be diagnosing your child With any sort of behavioral disorder at this time. The fact is you have a very strong willed child who's only means of control is her bathroom habits. I would just not put so much importance on her potty training right now. The more you ignore it the less she will want to use that as a method to drive you crazy. But you need to use this to your advantage by not letting her do her favorite activities because "you have to be a big girl to go_________, I'm sorry mom would love for you to be able to go but those are the rules" and let her make the decision 9 times out of 10 they want to grow up pretty quick when they miss out On fun activities. Hope this helps!

Answer 4

My daughter was 3 1/2 when I finally got her potty trained. I refused to waste a dime in pull ups so she styed in diapers till she went to big girl panties. We bribed her with a jar full of pocket change. When she has a potty accident take her pull up off and make her sit on the potty for a while, 5-10 minutes so it is not as pleasant for her to keep using it in her pants. I would even let her gop without any pants on while at home so she has to tell you when she needs to go. Make her go sit on the potty every hour or so and when she does it go BIG on the hugs, praise and whatever it may take to get her motivated. If you are sure she has no medical issues or learning disabilities then i would go heavy on the discipline. Make some real reprecussions for her mishaps. When she acts out , explain in a calm voice that "we do not do that" and sit her in a chair for 5 minutes not allowing her to talk or play for the whole 5 minutes. A highchair would work for this as you could strap her in for 5 minutes without having to forcibly make her sit. Make her help you clean up toys, she will start to understand that bad behavior will mean putting away toys and it helps you get them put away. I think spanking her on the bottom might work if you have not tried it. Be consistent and you may have to cut outtings and visits short until you get a hold of the behavior. It is easier to fix the problem at home instead of trying to overlook it in public. Be firm but not mean! Good luck and God Bless!!

Answer 5

Lets start with changes in her and your life recently 1. what is new or has changed 2. is she in any kind of day care or has a baby sitter if you work? is she an only child ? assuming there is no medical problem for this it is mostly psychological and at that age she is testing the limits you have 2 options 1 . might be if she doesnt want to act like a "big Girl " then treat her like a baby and go back to diapers and tell her if she wants to act like a baby then she will be treateed like one 2 find out what is on her mind ask questions usually there is a reason for regressive behavior and that is a coping mechanism something is wrong and she doesnt know how to tell you so she lets you know by her behavior if you are a working mom what goes on while you are at work? she is definitely angry and upset about something and does not have the coping skills to deal with it yet 4. positive reinforcement reward only good behavior and ignore bad if it doesnt get attention then its no fun to repeat and good behavior gets me attention and special things and times try that best wishes gorbalizer

Answer 6

Colleen, F U C K O F F !!!!!!!!!! Get off your high-horse of "I'm a better parent than all of you!!!!" CPS needs to jack your kids from you because if they end up as high and mighty as you then the world will go to hell in a hand basket.

Honey, toilet training takes time. I started my daughter when she was 2 and switched to real panties when she was about 2 1/2. It took until one week after her third birthday to finally run to the bathroom screaming "I gotta go potty!!!!!"
And at this age she has figured you out and knows what it takes to get to you. Depending on the offense, a few swats on her behind won't hurt her. You may have to resort to pinning her into a time out chair (physically being in front of her and preventing her from getting down). But then, there are many points from most of these answers given (minus Colleen's insults about how much of a bad parent you are-ignore the wench, she downgrades everybody). Has there been any changes in her life? Something sudden can sometimes cause them to misbehave. But I doubt there is anything mentally wrong with her.

Answer 7

Number one STOP HITTING HER SHE IS JUST A BABY! If you're not intelligent enough to effectively parent without physical violence then take parenting classes.
Number two, she is a THREE YEAR OLD not an adult. She does NOT think like an adult, her attention span isn't fully developed. Of course she doesn't mind you...YOU HIT HER!
Number three It is quite OBVIOUS that she's not potty trained no matter how much you beleive she ever was. THROW THE PULLUPS OUT and put her back into diapers until she is FULLY potty trained. Fully potty trained means going to the toilet on her own and both peeing and pooping. (take note of the going ON HER OWN). Pullups are only good for removing money from your wallet. They do not feel like diapers and the sensation one gets when they are wet are totally different than the feeling one gets when a diaper is wet. They are nothing like underpants so when you put underpants on her the sensation is different when she wets and she has no clue what that sensation is.
As for your mother there is something wrong with HER and if you believe your mother then there is something wrong with YOU as well. The only thing WRONG with this poor child is that the people who are SUPPOSED to love and support her, guide her and teach her are hitting her and belitting her to where her child self esteem is going into the toilet. She would be much better off in foster care than with a mother like you.

Answer 8

That's no behavioral problem honey, that's a strong willed child and all I can say is get used to it and have as much patience as you possibly can. I have a 3 1/2 little boy and we had the same problems! I never know what punishment will work, we do the corner, time out, taking things away, spanking, you name. They have all failed and I can't understand it! My sister gave me this book call "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. Hit the nail right on the head! I can almost assure you that's there's nothing "mentally" wrong with her, it's probably just a strong willed little girl. It's a test of wills I assure you, but it will get better. You just stick to your guns!

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

Has she had her hearing and vision tested? My nephew was constantly blowing off his parents when he was a toddler- turns out he had a hearing problem and likely didn't fully grasp what was expected of him. Have there been changes in your life lately? A new baby, a move, even a new pet? She could feel she needs to compete with other factors for your attention- even negative attention.

Answer 10

Have you had her tested for any kind of delays? There are so many things that could be going with her. I would talk to your family doctor and set up an appointment to have her tested. I know my daughter was almost exactly as your sounds and she turned out to have fragil X