My son who is 23 has admitted to using marijuana.?

Question

We have never faced this before. We could not figure why he lost his scholarship, lost his place at Indiana University, mood has changed (goes balistic if anyone brings up or talks about something he disagrees with), is going through money like water (and it's not his own money)! Mom had an idea when he lived at home but he always put her mind to rest by reassuring her that he wasn't doing this drug. Now that he has lived away from home for one and one-half years, we notice a hugh difference in his personality, his appearance, etc. He is suffering with anxiety attacks and sees a therapist but I don't think the therapist is going down the right road with him. His personality changes in the drop of a hat and he has actually scared his parents to death with his screaming in the face to them. How can we as his parents speak to him without igniting the bomb in him. How can we get to his physcian or therapist and give them a "heads up" on this problem. He is worth saving!

Answer 1

It sounds alot like bi-polar disorder from the symptoms you have described. You SHOULD, as well as, have every right to contact his therapist and let him/her know what is going on. A common issue with this disease is that the person suffering, won't admit that there is anything wrong with them, or better yet, not even know. You can call and set up a meeting with the therapist, preferably without him knowing, and explain the symptoms that you see in him. You sound very caring and he's lucky to have parents like you. I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Joie-I agree with everyone above who said that this is not about marijuana. I've been smoking it for 30 years and I'm a nice happy guy with a good job, nice family, active in the community, money in the bank etc...--like most people who smoke pot. If he IS like most people, he's probably been doing that since he was 13 or 14 latest. So unless his behavior has been that erratic for the last 10 years, this isn't about a little weed. He's either sick, or he's gotten into the latest and greatest threat to the midwest: Country-Boy Crack- Smokeable Methamphetames.

That said:

1. Studies are beginning to show that in the 1-2% of the population which is already suseptible to schizophrenia due to genetic factors, cannabis use could trigger episodes of psycosis--he should see a doctor. For the other 98% of the population, cannabis is no big deal.

2. I think he's smoking ice or taking some other amphetamine. That will blow through the money. A pot habit is pretty cheap, even all day, every day, is only going to cost $10-20 per day. Amphetamines or coke would be a lot more--anywhere up to hundreds a day. If this is the case and you've got money--get him to rehab. If you don't have money, kiss him goodbye, tell him he's on his own--and don't give him any more money. Get a restraining order if necessary to protect your house. Amphetamines truely make people into monstors.

I also agree with the idea that he's 23 and he's been a free man since he was 18. He's responsible for his own health and well being now. Even if he's a schizophrenic. Especially if he acquired a hard drug problem.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have two kids a 29 yr old girl & 23 yr boy. and I'll bet the farm your son is not just using pot, he has symptons of doing meth. It's very easy to say oh not my kid, the mood changes, spending alot of money personaility change and apperance that isn't from pot. I'll bet he has lost weight too, Anxiety attacks could be when he has no dope. I'm just telling you this all sounds very familiar to me about 11 years ago when my daughter was 16 & 17 Pot usually will keep you mellowed out, you aren't screaming in your Mama's face.. My son who is 23 use to smoke pot once in awhile I didn't like it but he didn't live with us, He never got involved with Meth he knew from his sister what a mess that turns out to be. If he doesn't want you around right now stay away from him. He'll call you when he needs something but don't enable him as in giving him money or move back in. He needs to get treatment and you can't make him do that either because of his age. I got lucky my daughter was 17 in Re-hab. And she also wanted to go by then. If he sees a therapist they can't tell you what's up on what he talks about. You can possibly call & tell the therapist what you know but chances are if he is going a good therapist would know. Of course he worth saving he's your child but you can't save him until he wants to get clean. You sound like a great mom and I have been where you are only with a teen-ager at the time. You need to talk to someone yourself, or go to an Alanon meeting I think it would help you. This isn't one of those things Mom & Dad can make go away. Your son lost out on college don't stick it in his face if you have get over it it's done. I don't by any means want to sound like a know it all but I've been there and kids are doing meth so much more these days, and we think how could this happen to my kid, But meth has no preference on who it gets hooked. I wish you luck. It's a hard road but be strong and go to meetings and parents, wives, husbands & kids all have the same in common as you. Someone you love hooked on drugs or alcohol

Answer 4

After raising six teenagers, I hate to tell you, allot of kids these days even the best raised ones have used drugs by age 18. I used to feel bad thinking " I have worked my fingers to the bone" and where did I go wrong but even the best of the best make poor choices once they become adults.

Also, it might be more than just the maryjane that he has been smoking. The best thing to do is keep and open door and heart but that doesn't mean enabeling(sp?). Set ground rules around behavior and use at your home. Be consistent with all the above. You can anon tell the therapist and add that you are aware of confidentiality and do not expect a response from them. Also try really hard on opening up the relationship with your son w/o supporting the behavior.

Ask him to do a hair drug test if you wish. It will give a 90 day list of drugs he has taken and it is infailable(is that really a word-haha). On a good day he might sign a release for the therapist. Bribing works at all ages-ask me I know....

I raised six, yes six, kids one adopted, 2 bio, 3 foster kids-all of which aged out of my home and believe me they all did their things after they left home(they really embaressed me even. One went and took her friends to dinner and had her visa card decline, mum had to get out of bed and go pay the bill at 12 at night. They all do their things and somehow turn out okay in the end. I learned never to give money and do things like trake them to the dollar store or buy groceries, or put gas in their care myself-they really had to need it after figuring out I wasn't going to give cash out for any reason. I also read love and logic with teens eventhough I raised so many kids and was a professional in the field.

Good luck, I am pulling for you. T

Answer 5

I don't agree that just because he is over 21, he doesn't require a parents intervention. If you're sure he's going to a therapist, there is no law stating that you can't talk with them, they just can't comment on treatment. You CAN say I think he's using drugs, or, he's even admitted to it. You can see if his therapist can get him to commit to rehab. It may have progressed to more serious drugs than just marijuana. I wouldn't delay any longer. You could save his life.

Answer 6

......i can answer you with a perspective of someone who has used and who has been through the same thing you're son is going through and it took me a while to find out what was important to me in this lifetime....i cursed my parents and everyone dear to me because i didn;t know how to control my emotions under the influence of marijuana.....niether does your son....have you ever heard of a march man act? it is when 3 of either family of friends sign a petition deeming that the individual that is being placed under the act is a danger to himself and others because of drugs/alcohol or any other serious behavioral problem.....this will put him in a program and send him on the right path he will hate you and say hateful things to you that will bring you to the point of tears but the ultimate result makes up for it all...it is a great thing to do and if you love him you will....and when you approach him try not to be so accusing as if he did something be very casual and don't tell him to stop using that will not do a thing but get him mad just go on with i love you and you've made your descisions in your life but the descisions you are making are destructive... and explain to him whats going to happen and be very short and to the point and don't give him the time to get anxious or annoyed.....be strong...coming from someone who smokes and maintains.......i meditate...

Answer 7

I would honestly make sure it was just marijuana. None of the changes in mood sound common with recreational marijuana use. Then again he is an adult and can make his own decisions... good or bad. But cut him off financially. That would be the best first step. Make it harder to get whatever it is he's on. Then, if he wants to get help he can. They won't treat him unless he wants it.

Answer 8

as hard as it may be, the young man is free and over 21, he is responsible for saving himself. Time to cut the apron strings. Don't discount the therapist, they can spot a drug user very easily, and I am sure if he is really going to one, the therapist knows.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

oy! It is time to let go of the apron strings mom. He is 23 and has to learn to solve even hard problems on his own. Leave it to the counsellors. Wait til he asks for what he needs help with, help get him to appts but other than that...back off and let the professionals do their work. Meanwhile get yourself a hobby!