My boyfriend is bipolar?

Question

My boyfriend is bipolar. It scares me how quickly his mood changes, but I love him so much. He has explained to me about it and tells me he loves me, but when he gets in his "mean mood", it scares me. He's NEVER violent, just very mad. It caused him to say "F you" to me on the phone and he hung up. He called right back, crying and apologizing over and over. I believe in myself to deal with this. I know I can. I know he can't help it. Does anyone have any advice about being in a relationship with your love having bipolar?

Answer 1

If he is clinically (diagnosed by psychiatrist) bipolar, then you are in for the roller coaster of your life if you choose to stay with him. I met my husband in Jr. High. We were the best of friends and it turned into something more. He was always a very spontaneous person, and extremely impulsive. Also ver quick to change moods. However I wrote that off as being his personality. 11 years and two kids later his behavior started to scare me. Paranoid delusion and staying up all night. I still loved him and we talked through the problems and the obsessions and the rough times and decided he needed help. He was diagnosed and put on medication. Sometimes he stayed on the meds, sometimes he didn't. He always had a reason that made sense to him for not taking it. It made him lethargic, or he put on too much weight while taking it.
Most of the time he was OK. He had one or two episodes a year and only twice needed hospitalization.
What you need to remember, is that bipolar is not something that is going to go away. You can not make him get or stay in treatment or on meds. If you choose to stay, you can only do your best to make sure that he knows you support him and care for him. Usually you will find that the anger is in part a result of frustration over themselves.
I still chose to stay with my husband. I did the best I could to make him feel safe when he was having paranoid delusions. He was my best friend and if he had diabetes or developed alzheimers I wouldn't leave him because it got too hard. It is the same thing. It is a disease. It does not define the people we care about, but it is a part of who they are.
I am a 29 year old widow. My husbands delusions finally took over. That is something you must also consider. It does happen. Long term, you boyfriend might do something stupid during an episode of mania, take an un-necessary risk. Or become psychotic and somehow get himself killed. Or even commit suicide during a bout of severe depression.
I am sorry to have to tell you, that these are all things that can happen when one is bipolar. But really these things can happen to just about anyone. It's an unfortunate side effect of life.

But when someone you care about has a mental health problem, you need to be informed. You need to be prepared. You need to realize that some people end up OK and some people don't. Some people can handle it and some people can't. But if you are able to love that person no matter what...that is a gift.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

That's very rapid cycling for a bipolar, but it's not impossible. The question is, what do you think you can do about it? This is who he is. Take it or leave it. It's unlikely you have the power to change it. If it is bipolar, it is much larger than you. Your only choice is how you deal with it. You said that his down times are so depressing that YOU get so upset. This demonstrates that you do not have healthy boundaries. Your lack of boundaries is bad for both of you, because you create a negative feedback loop. He's down. So, you get down. Your bad mood amplifies his bad mood, and creates an even worse outcome. In order to stop this process, you have to develop some boundaries, and learn how to be more independent, so that you can keep your moods more level when he is cycling. In other words, if you remain in this situation, which, as you stated, is NOT good (remember, choosing not to remain in the situation remains an option) then your focus needs to be on how you can change how you cope with this situation. You should not be focused on trying to "fix" him, because you do not have the power. The power that you have is over yourself. So, you need to view his "down" moods like you would someone having the flu. Recognize it as a flareup of an illness, and remain calm and positive, like a nurse. If he has bipolar and you are spending a lot of time with him, that makes you -- a caregiver. You also have a responsibility to yourself, and steeping yourself in a dark, depressing atmosphere is bad for you, like eating too much junk food. Recognize when you are doing it, excuse yourself, and go get some fresh air and sunshine and laughter. When you return, you will be bringing some of that sunshine back into his life, and it will be much better for both of you. Best Wishes.

Answer 3

Just because your boyfriend acts the way you said he does, doesn't necessarily mean that he is Bipolar.

Bipolar is a medical term for a condition diagnosed only by a qualified psychiatrist. Has he been clinically diagnosed with this condition, and if so, is he on any type of medication for it?

You can suggest that he see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist to determine if he actually has this condition and if prescription medication would be recommended.

Have you never had a bad day? Have you never yelled at him not once and hung up on him? Have you said things to him that may have upset him? Sometimes "it takes two to tango."

Please try to look at this from both sides and in a rational manner. If you really love him, then yes, suggest he see a professional doctor, as I mentioned. But don't accuse or criticize him for a condition he may not clinically have.

He may be just prone to a "short fuse" and an inability to control his temper. While that is still not a good quality for a serious long term realtionship, all aspects and facets of his personality and its outcome have to be considered.

I wish you the best in this determination and your future with him.

Answer 4

Is he on medication or does he go to therapy? I have been diagnosed as bipolar and if I don't go to therapy, you never know what's gonna happen. If he isn't taking care of these things, gently suggest them to him - when he's not having mood swings. Tell him how much you care about him and that you want him to do these things to take care of himself. You have to be supportive. What I have found works best is, when he is depressed, be ther for him. Hold him and let him cry if that's what he wants. When he is manic, stay close, but do not interefere. That way he knows you're there, but you won't be in the line of fire. And if he ever does get abusive, end it immediately. You cannot risk putting yourself in a dangerous position, no matter how much you love him.

Answer 5

Not exactly the same but my dad has mental health issues. At times he gets very cross and nasty.

It is very hard living with someone with mental health problems, my main advice to you is to always keep calm, try and be a peace keeper with him, but more importantly make sure you have a good support net work you will need it.

Encourage him to get the help he needs to cope with his bipolar, with medication he should cope much better with the mood swings.

Well done for sticking with him!

Answer 6

Hmm, no props to those who say "Dump that loser." Bipolar is a medical condition, it's caused by a chemical imbalance, and bipolar people need love too.

That said, he's obviously not always easy to be with. Is he open to the idea of getting treatment? Because without medical treatment, he's probably never gonna change.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

yes because i have schizoaffective disorder hich is associated with bipolar... First off... you better make sure he is on his medicine and is taking it right and if he is still having major mood swings you might want to think about switching medicines or getting a higher dosage (contact the Doc.)
You must care about him a lot to ask, my Fiancee puts up with me and im like man she really loves me... Dont give up on him.. its easy for people to just say dump him.
Try to help him take his mind off of whatever is making him mad... and when he is mad just stay out of his way and try to calm him down (deep breaths)...
HOWEVER
You as a person shouldnt have to "walk on eggshells" all the time or be scared of him. if he is having bad problems he needs to be put on a new treatment plan... but like i told my fiancee if she ever gets to the point where she is terrified and etc then really all you can do is put space between the two of you and if he dosent get it under control then as hard as it sounds you might have to end up leaving him. Just give it a chance and try to help him through it though =)
Good luck and God bless

Answer 8

He should seek professional help. There are a lot of drugs that can be prescribed to him in order to help control his mood swings. The prescription strength will depend on how bad off he is. Only a physician can determine what the best course of action is. It's hard to deal with someone like that so I commend you for sticking by him.....good luck!

Answer 9

My Brother was married to Bi-Polar female for 20+ years and SHE divorced him! How he put up with the mood swings is beyond me, but he did. In fact if she had not started the Divorce, reckon they would still be married. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Get him to a professional and on medication. Otherwise, the rollercoaster that is his life will become the rollercoaster that is yours. Bipolars are not faithful and they can also blow all of your money (and can be completely justified in doing either). None of these things would be good for your relationship, so try to convince him to start with some counselling and go from there.