Is it ok to be a working mum?

Question

My boss thinks women should stay at home to raise their children and working mothers are selfish. I think children who go to nursery end up more confident and are stimulated more than kids who stay at home with mum. What does everyone else think?

Answer 1

Now theres a question, and one I am really struggling with at the moment! My daughter is 5 months old and I am going back to work in 4 days. I always said if one day I had children, I would stay at home to bring them up, thats my responsibility as a mother! However, in reality , it is never that simple. In my heart I do not want to go back to work, it is still my responsibility to bring up my child, but if I didn't go back to work, then we would not be able to provide the neccessities that she needs. I dont think I am being selfish by going back to work, I am putting my daughter first before my wishes, in order to provide her with a better life! At the end of the day, you have to provide the best way you can for your chidren, and if that means going back to work, even if you don't want to, then so be it! So, to answer your question, yes, it is ok to be a working mum, if that is what works for your family! Good Luck, and ignore your boss!

Answer 2

I think it is very selfish, and I actually think these women only go to work because its easier than having to look after the kids 24/7 do housework and shopping etc.
Anyone that has worked and then had kids will know there is no comparison! I had a very top high powered job so I think I have good experience to say!
People use money as the reason, but we have struggled and never regretted it. My elder children are as horrified as I am at the poor little kids that are walked from a long day at to school every day to their afterschool club!
My children love coming home from school and have always been stable, happy kids, who know they are not shipped out to creche or nursery or childminder!
Also what happens when these kids get to be about 14 yrs old, I will tell you as I have seen it happen, they end up going home to an empty house, especially if they are the youngest child! Waiting till 6 ish for either one of their parents come home!
What happens when the kids are ill, from my experience kids have to hurry up and get better if mum works as mum can't keep taking time off work to look after them! Even if grandma can help out at these times, kids want their mum!
If the parents who work full time think they have quality times with their kids, then think again, I have seen several au pairs and child minders with the kids they look after, they are getting the quality time not you! Also there is no real susitute for mum , and those precious years soon roll by and you haven't seen the half of it! How very sad. Give me my struggling finances and my children around me any day! Quite honestly I actually do not know why people have kids if they want to go back to work!

Answer 3

I believe we shouldn't be judgmental, not with a working mum, but neither with a staying home mam who raise her kids.

That decision have to be made by the couple, based on the woman and her husband personal needs and goals in life.

I'm convinced that you can be a great working mam, and as you said, the kids who go to nursery get a lot of self confidence and independency, and learn how to relate with other kids better than kids who stays at home with mom.

And many times that can help the kid to learn about responsabilities, since the baby have to live with both parents and himself, having responsabilities all the time.

Altougth is very dificult for the mom, cause you are always wondering how is your kid at school, if they are taking good care of him, if he can get some virus, etc. And you will have to take care of your time at job, so you can have time with the baby cause of course, you and him need some time togheter.
Not to mention the time you have to save for your husband and house! So it's of course a very dificult time for the mom.

But we are woman, and we can do it. Don't ever feel bad about what anybody else think or say to you, because as a working mother there will always be someone judging you.

Just do your best, and really plan very very well your time, don't you ever put your work before your baby, because that would be bad, you have to be careful by giving your baby the love, the time, and the care that he needs.

I guess it would be great if you can stay with the baby at least a couple of months, because they are so fragil that you will feel so sad by letting him in the nursery. But it is not that necesary either.

I can tell you, i am a working and single mother. I feel so gratefull cause i had the chance to work at home(i was a freelance by then), when he was a baby boy, and altougth i had a babysit there while i was working, i was there all the time. But i know it was good luck and you cannot do that always.

Anyway, after my baby was one year old, i had to go out for work everyday. And the first months were really hard for me, but i got used to it, and he did too.

He is now 11 and i guess it's been great for him, he is so independant, that i feel so comfortable letting him do somethings that i know he wouldn't learn if i were there all the time for him.

Answer 4

I went back to work because I had no choice. I have to work to pay the bills. In an ideal world I would work part time but that is not an option for me (or many others).
I am not selfish. I am working hard to provide a home for my child, food and a roof over our heads. I am capable of working so I don't think the state should support us. That is selfish to set a poor example to a child.
My baby goes to her granny who loves her and gives her individual attention and when she is older she will go to play school etc. Babies and children love the company of other babies and children.
Some women can afford not to work but choose to have a career, and why not? No one expects a man to give up work when he has a baby! Some may choose to stay at home if they can afford to and sometimes men give up work to look after their children while the mumies go back. Nothing is right or wrong it is whatever suits you and your family.
Your boss wants to come out of the dark ages.
The only thing I have a problem with is me going out to work to support my family and lazy people taking my taxes to stay at home having babies as a career option! Bring on the thumbs down - originally I come from an area where hardly anyone had a job and know one had more than one child by the same dad, all in council housing on the dole!!! What chances do their children have?

Answer 5

I think it's an individual decision. I think too many people out there judge other people and tell you what's right and what's wrong. YOU do what is right for YOUR child. As long as you are doing whatever it is that you decide to do, it's from your heart.

I do disagree with you about children going to nursery end up "more" confident. Some (kids) may appear confident on the outside but the love the parents show them is what makes them feel confident on the inside, whether they go to nursery school or not. So no matter what you do, you will find people who will disagree with you so you have to trust your own instinct and raise your kids the best way you can with tons of love :).

Answer 6

Hi

I've done full-time work, with small babies, part-time work with small children and no work with small children.

I needed something for me (yes i was being selfish but I would have killed them if I had to stay at home any longer than I had to!)

Things have changed and it is neither better to stay at home or go to work, we live in a different era from those of a more senior age - my mother believes in stay at home mum, I believe you can have both!

Just recently I reduced hours so i work school time which is great (but I am a secretary so no high powered job to worry about) I can leave them off at school and be there to pick up.

This works for me at the present.

But i can say, that when they were small they went to a child minder which was great - she did things i never would have done.

All I can say is, - If it works for you then that's great - its when it doesnt work and there are no other options, then thats when people suffer both large and small.

As for children being more confident at nursery, I am sure this is the case. I have a friend who sent her baby to a nursery from 6 months of age - she has turned out to be a little witch! My daughter is 10 days younger and is totally different. On the occasions when I had to pick my friends daughter up from nursery, I noticed how self-reliant and independent she had to be - more mature than her age, and I felt very sorry for her, she seems to lack a bond with her mum, that me and my daughter have.

What we need to remember is that we reap what we sow.

L

Answer 7

I am a working mum and there's nothing wrong with it as long as the child is taken care of properly and not neglected or anything. I work full time because I have to and so does my husband. He goes to nursery and my husbands sister has him as much as she can to save on nursery bills. Our son loves nursery and since he's been going you can really notice the improvement in his speech, mobility, mannerisms etc. He copies the other kids at nursery and it's really developed his personality. If I could stay at home all day, every day with my son I would. I don't go to work because I enjoy it, or for a break. I go to work because I have to. I work full time. It's great when mums can stay at home and not go back to work but that just isn't a possibility for a lot of parents. What's annoying is when you get someone preaching at you, telling you what a bad parent you are for working full time and having a child!! How dare they! I am definitely in agreement with you about children who go to nursery are more confident and stimulated more. It gives our son the chance to mix with other kids that he wouldn't see if he was at home with me.

Answer 8

I think every one has to do what they feel is right for themselves and their family. I do however believe that the first year of a baby's life is absolutely crucial, and if you can, to stay at home full time is the best solution for the first year at least. But I understand that economic pressures mean that not everyone has the ability to do this. If you have to go back to work when your children are little, I think it's best to find a family member or reliable child minder to care for them, rather than a big nursery, as this helps the child form secure attachments.

Answer 9

The welfare of the children is the most important issue in this matter.

I think the current climate of opinion which pressures all young mothers to leave their baby's to go to work has been a con trick.

Women should have a choice whether they wish to work or not but this should take into account of the welfare of their children.

Women who wish to stay home and look after their children should be allowed to do so and be respected and supported by the state for the important work they do.

If a woman freely chooses to go to work in the best interests of themselves and the children it is entirely up to them.

However due to social pressures some of the jobs young mothers are forced to do are menial, tedious and mind numbing.

In these cases it would be better for them, their young children and society if they stayed at home and were properly funded by the state.

It is ironic that many young mothers are forced into working in boring jobs whilst their baby's and toddlers are 'being cared for' by uncaring poorly paid people who have had to leave their own children.

Answer 10

What a load of rubbish. How are all working mothers being selfish?? It depends on their reasons for having their child in nursery. I am 23 and am mum to a 3 year old. I am a single parent and have never had help in any way of my sons father so i rely on myself. I want my son to have a brilliant happy stable and loving childhood the same as i did but this is hard as my parents where happily married with their own home. Before i had my son i had only got my GCSEs and although they are good grades they werent going to get me an income that would mean i could afford to buy a nice house for my son to grow up in instead of an awful tiny council flat on a terrible area, which is where we live now. I got off my back side, came off income support and put my son in childcare. I am now just finishing my first year doing a full time Mathematics degree at university. I dont believe i am being selfish at all by having my son in childcare full time instead of staying at home with him because i am doing it all for his benefit. Your boss is WRONG!!