is a long distance relationship good?

Question

I met my boyfriend 2 and a half months ago online. My friend out in Boston knows him and introduced the 2 of us. We spoke alot on the phone and 3 weeks ago, he came to NY for the first time. We spent 3 beautiful days together. I miss him So much and we are TRYING to make this work.....240 miles away. It will take about a year IF things are meant to work out, for us to be together (re-location). Do you think a long distance relationship can really work? We think it can, but we get SO many "it won't work" responses from friends & family. We WANT this to work tho.....

Answer 1

I've been in long distance relationships - It is HARD! You really have to be truly willing to trust unconditionally, be super patient, and potentially sacrifice your current life to create a new one with your partner. Ultimately it could be the hugest mistake you ever make, or the best thing you've ever done with your life. You're going to have to trust your instincts on this one. :( Good luck.

Answer 2

I WANT to say... You are living in a fairy tale and things are NOT always going to be as beautiful as those three days. 240 miles away? It almost seems like a lost cause. Are you ready to make all the commitments of staying faithful for a whole year, relocating into a completely new area, having to find a new job and friends etc etc...
ITS A HUGE difference in lifestyle I'm sure.

On the other hand...

Where there is a will there's a way. Many military families have to do the temp. long distance relationship thing. If you keep communicating and put in real effort, see him a few times within the year, because its not going to be easy, even if it doesnt work out in a year you can't say you didn't try. CLICHE, i know, but if its meant to be its meant to be.

FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE... temptation always takes the better of one or the other in the relationship. Eventually things drift off. You dont hear from them as often, when you do talk, there isnt much to say, the calls get shorter and you can actually feel the DISINTEREST. its hard.

I kow everyne and their mom is telling yu NOT to. just give up, it won't work... Everyone has to learn on their own. Maybe It will work for you. Make your own decision and don't let other discourage you.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Of course it can work out! It just takes a strong commitment. Try to keep in mind that neither of you can narrow the distance between you right now. Compromise about visits.There's 240 miles between both of you,not just one.Have a sense of humor about everything.Like when you visit him, you have to wear a Red Sox hat or a Pats.jacket.And when he visits you he goes Yankees & Jets. Life is so short & good love is so very hard to find. This world can be such a toilet bowl.If you are lucky enough to find something sweet in it, you should hold on to it w/all your might! Maybe family&and friends are just being over protective.I live in Ma.& have been back & forth from here to there.It's not as bad as it sounds.You could also meet somewhere in the middle.Conn.is beautiful. Good luck and don't give up too easily or at least until the 'large' lady sings.

Answer 4

I dont think anyone WANTS to have a long distance relationship. Life happens and gets in the way, you just have to work around it. If someone wants to be with their long distance BF or GF enough/or they love them enough, they will move to where the other person is and quit the long distance thing. Those people who have relationships over the internet or out of state "just because" are probably wasting their time. Long distance relationships wont last if there isnt commitment.

Answer 5

I think it can, but it probably takes more work than a relationship where you're both in the same city. A good friend of mine has been together with her boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. They were in the same city of the first year until she went off to school. He lives in Ireland and she's in Scotland 9 months out of the year. They do visit each other on occasion, but I'm sure they don't see each other as much as they'd like.

If you both really want it to work and put in the time and effort it takes, go for it. It also takes a lot of trust, but it can be done.

Answer 6

Yes it can work. 240 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a piece of cake. My significant other lives 10,000 miles away. Me Canada him Australia. In a year and a half we have been together for 20 weeks and the rest is web cam and voice chat emails and letters in the mail. DO NOT listen to people that dint think it will work out. It can. He is moving here in December to start his life here. It is terribly hard not to jump on a plane and go see each other because of the price and time it is not an option. So we do the best we can with what we got. I figure if it was meant to be it will be. And if you can withstand not seeing each other and he is worth the wait, go for it.

Answer 7

If you want it to work, you both need to take these steps, and be very honest with one another in the whole process!

1) Decide to be committed to one another in the same way. Can you still go out to dinner with a single male friend without hurting your BF? Can he go to the movies with a lady? What lines will you draw for one another? Both of you still deserve an adult social life, so understand that and come to grips with mutually acceptable boundaries.

2) Schedule time for each other. Include regular phone calls (get on the same cell phone network, or look into a free/low-cost VOIP server to do Vent/Teamspeak chat) and regular visits.

3) Don't fight when you're visiting! It's soooo hard not to get upset and fretful in the last 24 hours of a visit, and have stupid fights because you don't want to leave when the time is up! Be aware of it and work HARD to avoid parting on sour notes.


If one of you relocates, consider getting a 2 bedroom apartment and starting with separate bedrooms, so that you both have space to grow into the relationship and yet have time apart. It can work, it just takes a LOT more time, work, patience and above all, honesty and trust.

Answer 8

I've been with my girl for about three years and we live just about the same distance. it works only if you want it to work and you save yourself for them. Yes, it's possible if you dedicate yourself to them. hell, if Noah could do it in "The Notebook, for Allie, then so can your boy friend. Now, if you've been together for a long time like me and my girl, it can work, but you have to work on it. You have to be patient if you really love this person.
I used to think that it wouldn't work, but it's just that if you don't have the patience, it would not work.

That's the only thing I can say. It takes alot of hard work and you have to be very, very, very patient. I see my girlfriend just about every weekend and it's costly, but she's worth it. if you can't afford or don't want to pay, then be patient, because it can take forever to see them, but if you really dig them, see them every weekend. I did it because during the week I'm in school and work full time so I really don't have the time to get impatient when I have a paper due. That's how I made it work.


of course the honeymoon will be over soon, but you have to be matter-of-fact about things. you know, you have the phone, the internet, so much you can do to communicate with them so it's easier than say ten years ago. Get to know them while on the phone. don't make every event some big production deal, if you go over to their place, veg out on the couch and watch a rental movie with them, clean his place out, act as though you live there, get a key. You might as well get used to each other because that's how it's going to be when you move in together. if you have arguments, have arguments, dont' think it won't happen. Can't be nice all the time. Be honest with one another. It can happen. I can't say keep doing it for years, but work on moving in together if you really love each other.

Answer 9

I met my partner while in college. We spent semesters together, summers apart and have lived roughly 2 and a half hours apart for the last two years. We've been in seperate geographic locations longer than we've been in the same place.

I think it can work. It takes work and commitment, but it can be done. More importantly, it can be done in such a way that produces a high quality relationship.

Answer 10

Well,it won't work if you STAY in a long distance relationship.One of you is going to have to move to be with the other one.
I am in one and I am moving to North Carolina to be with her.This is for marriage and not anything less however.
The time involved in this relationship has been about 1 year.
If it goes on for more than a year,I would suspect something.
There is always the chance that you are being used somehow.
BTW:We met on Yahoo 360,a blog.