spanking...?

Question

I have a three year old girl and an eight year old boy. My sister has a four year old who is a holy terror, she lets him boss everyone around and doesn't show that she's mad with him even when she attempts discipline; it's "OK, sweetie, mommy has to put you in time-out now", and a hug and a kiss. I'm opposed to spanking generally, but there are times--the boy has always been serious, quiet and generally well-behaved, but he girl is very different. We use a wooden spoon when necessary, but that's some few times a year, it's more of a threat than anything--"mama, we have to get the wooden spoon, she hasn't (whatever)", at which time she'll quit pitching her fit and do what she's supposed to. I feel that too much beating a child creates a sullen and angry teen-ager, disrespectful even into the mid-twenties. It seems no discipline at all does the same thing, though. I'd especially like to hear opinions from those with more than one child.

Answer 1

I have eight children. My oldest is 26 and my youngest is 17 months.

Honey, discipline and beatings are too different things. But first let me comment on how your sisters nonchalant behavior towards her sons discipline will create a problem for her later on in life.

A child must know the difference when a parent is discipline mode and when the parent is in a regular mode. When discipline mode is on, there's no honies and what Mommy has to do. Its straight to the point explaining to the child why he/she is in trouble, the actions that will be taken and that's all you need to do. After the punishment has been administered and the child has surved his time, time out, talked to, etc. then the hugs and kisses come in. Being overly nice in discipline mode isn't helping him at all. As he grows up, he'll know that Mom is going to be nice anyway, so I'll get in trouble and get hugs and kisses still the same. So what difference does it make?

As far as spanking and beatings go. I don't see anything wrong with this type of discipline, when it's done the right way, on the behind a couple of times and not with all your mighty power.

Spare the rod - spoil the child. A rod literally does not have to be used. You can discipline (certain children) by talking with them and setting a punishment.

I was raised old school and that's the way I raise my children. I have from time to time, relaxed in the old school rules by implementing my own but at no time have I wavered from the discpline. I've always stayed consistent.

Answer 2

ok, I have 4 kids (ages 13,10,7 & 6) and I have been known to bring an 18 inch wooden spoon with us on our annual road trip.....and swing it wildy at the backseat whilst cruising down I-5! :-)

I have tried all forms of discipline over the past 13 years and the one thing I have learned is all kids are different. Some kids repond to taking away priviledges such as t.v. or video games. Other kids seem to not car but a smack on the rump does the trick.

I think this whole bullsh*t about never laying a hand on your kids is the downfall of the younger generations. They know they can get away with friggin' murder and Mom & Dad aren't going to do anything about it. I'm not trying to take away from the abuse that exists - that is reprehensible........but gently telling 6 year old Johnny that 'Mommy has to put you in time out now....I love you....now be a good boy' blah, blah, blah is a bunch of hooey.

I'm sure I am the minority and everyone will say that is barbaric.......I don't care! My kids are happy, polite and very well behaved....they still run around like heathens half the time (they are kids, after all) but I will not be one of those parents turning a blind eye to their behavior now and then throwing my hands in the air in despair and blame society when they grow up to disrespect people & property and have no social skills.

Answer 3

I got married in my teens many years ago-right away I had 3 girls, I was too young for all of it and I was too strict with the first 2, I was over -whelmed and never got any solid advice from an older person. The first 2 seemed ok until our divorce, then they became rebellious, they also chose bad friends though, not the 3'rd, she remained sweet.
Later I remaried and we had a son, he was the apple of my eye, but when he needed discipline he got the wooden spoon, at 2 it was all he respected or understood. you have to pull the pants down and let it really sting on the butt. I never handled him roughly, I'd take him to his room or somewhere and let him cry it out, then later a small hug and get back in life- When we'd be out, other moms would ask if they could borrow my spoon, it was always in my purse. They wanted their kid to respond like my boy was. All though the years he was 95% pure joy and happiness to me but there were times he needed to be reminded that I am the boss,[mostly ages 4-10] Today he is extremly well adjusted, well liked by EVERYONE , polite, considerate of others and basically a happy person. Lots of love, affection, attention and spanking when needed. I also read God's word about disicipline. [proverbs]. my husband is wonderful, strong guy, x marine, but just not the disciplinarian.

Answer 4

"Foolishness is in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive him far from it."

I have 4 children ( 20 yrs to 12) and have been a foster parent as well. I've spanked all my kids at different times and found that it really didn't do that much. My 17 year old son fears his father hitting him. I hate that. You don't want to create fear...you want to create respect. Time out works if you firmly put them into time out and show them love AFTER the length of time has been served. Reminding them that you love them, but that you won't put up with bad behavior. Consistency is the answer. Sometimes I took their favorite pair of jeans away as punishment. Othertimes I took away their c/d player, but they always knew if they misbehaved or broke the rules, there would be consequences for their actions. I also rewarded good behavior.

Answer 5

Well, I'm not a parent, but I've bsat enough kids that I can tell you, that I've sat for kids who are a holy terror and don't listen to anyone and are disrespectful. I do spank. I'm consistent about it. I say this because I refuse to let a child/children walk all over me or be violent with me and think it's ok. I'll tell the parents when they get home and they've always supported my efforts in it. I have friends who have hit me or something right in front of them, and I hit back; absolutely I do. Grant it, it's the parents fault for it going that far, but yes, spanking etc I think is a good idea when extremely necesssary =)

Answer 6

I have many brothers and sisters I have one younger sibling. We always got whippings. I have gotton so use to them they don't hurt I just laugh!!! I used to get them all the time when I was younger. Now I have god children and I used to say it is wrong to spank a child Now I see why mama did it!!!! These kids are off the wall. I give them like 2 to 3 swats on the butt and tell them to behave. I use my hand and nothing esle I don't believe in that. My mama used to take belts and leave bruises on me and my siblings!!!! So I use my hand. I believe now you can spank a child as long as you don't beat a child and you don't spank them to hard just hard enough to make them see you mean business!!!
Kimimila

Answer 7

I look back at the times that my father spanked me, and I am grateful for it. He put me in line when I needed it. Also, he never made a threat. If you screwed up, you were punished. Look at all of the kids today who can't deal with reality and go shoot up their school. I think lack of real discipline might have something to do with it.

Answer 8

Being consistent is very important...there is nothing wrong in discipline a child as long as the child knows the punishment is out of love for him/her.
Respect and self respect is very important in informative years, and will help them to appreciate you more in the teenage years.

Answer 9

What does your law say, Is it legal in your country, thank goodness it is in mine. there is a big difference between spanking a beating.

I think a serious voice, time out and other techniques work very well, but sometimes they just want to push that bit more. we need to dissaplin our children in a way that work on that child, and every child is different, what ever way.. remember do if for your child not to him.

Answer 10

heck. I believe that if a spanking is meritted then it's okay. But I also believe that if you can't use hand to bottom to get your point through ( and not bruise the poor tyke) then you shouldn't be spanking at all. I give one firm swat and that works. And only when he deserves it, Like doing something where he can endanger himself.. Other wise i use the time out chair.. That works too..