im attached to my boyfriend. Whenever im not with him i think about him and i always want to talk to him on the phone. Sometimes he feels like everything has to be my way. IF it isnt we argue and i throw things out of proportion. I just want the same amount of loving attention in return to what i give him. He still loves me but he doesnt like arguing. How do i get unattached?
2007-04-27 05:00:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you're a bunny boiler i suggest you go out with your freinds for a few days have a good time. you need to learn your whole little world doesn't revolve around him. If you keep acting like this he'll get sick and tired of your controlling ways be more layed back around him and when he's not there he will miss you instead of just enjoying the peace. Some people give their attention to others in different ways concentrate on how he treats you instead of expecting his attention 24:7 you might just surprise yourself.
2007-04-27 05:09:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not a matter of getting "unattached." What you need to do is stop being such a "dictator!" You are going to end up ruining your relationship if everything always has to be YOUR way or the highway! I used to be just like you and it NEVER works! Even if he loves you w/ all his heart, if everytime he wants to do something that you dont and it constantly turns into a fight, its going to get old and the relationship is going to fail! Love is a TWO WAY STREET!! Its GIVE and take! You HAVE to be able to just "let go" once in a while and give in! You HAVE to let him have room to grow and to do his own thing! NO MAN likes being controlled, it doesnt matter HOW much he loves you! It doesnt even matter if your heart is in the right place! You need to get over your insecurities, your jealousy and your possessiveness and just let him have his life and you have yours and meet somewhere in the middle!
As far as suggestions on how to do this... find a hobby! Start making plans with your friends that dont include him. Stop revolving your ENTIRE life around him and what you want to do with him! I used to think that because I didnt know how long a relationship was going to last that I had to fit EVERYTHING I wanted to do in as fast as I could just in case tomorrow didnt come. What I failed to understand was that the more you push, the more he will pull away. And the more you try to spend every second together.. the less time you are going to have in the relationship b/c its GOING to fail since you arent giving him room to think, do his own thing or even BREATHE without your consent!!
Just calm down, chill out and let the relationship take its natural course... find your OWN life... one that DOESNT include him and you will probably find that the more your play "hard to get" the more time he will actually WANT to spend time with you and the longer the relationship will last! PLUS another bonus to having your own life without him is that when/if the relationship fails, you wont have revolved your every move and thought around him and the less devestated YOU will be b/c you will have other things to occupy your time!!
2007-04-27 05:12:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Errca,
Stop and listen. You are feeling very insecure and it has nothing to do with love nor your boyfriend. You need to Stop and listen. What is going on is that you have never felt true love nor have you been in a healthy relationship. It may have something to do with your up bringing. You are a good person and want to share your love with someone and get the same in return. The only way you will experience true and sincere love equally, will be when you stop, listen and learn to love your self first. You need to love your self truly before you can even love someone or expect the same amount of love in return.
To love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. You must come first before you can even understand the type of love that needs to be returned. Your boyfriend is not responding to your smutering him. What you are going to do is push him away. No one wants a person who is constantly smuthering them and expecting attention and arguing all the time. INSECURE. That is the problem. You need to get a hold of your self and do something for your self and pray for self love in order to be able to receive love. You will never find the kind of love you want right now. You are to needy right now and thats is the killer in your current relationship. STOP!!!. I am not saying your a bad person. NO. You are probably a wonderful person with a lot of love to give but it has to be in order. You can not expect people to react to you the way you want. When you are in a relationship, you need to give your lover space, respect, consideration, and understanding unconditionally. Have you got all that in there? NO, so back off and do it in a mature manner and slow down. If this is true love, it will work out. Slow down and be at peace with yourself and learn to love yourself so you wont feel needy and expect someone to smuther you with their love.
The greatest love of all is the love you can give yourself, coming from YOU!!!!!:)
2007-04-27 05:43:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you i have found, by personal experience and hearing friends and their experiences, that women usually become more atatched to men MOST of the time. and i have also found out by my own experience that when that happens and you have these types of conflicts in your relationship, its time to step back or you will loose your bf. its going to be hard for you , but it might save your relationship. first apologize to your man! let him know that you care for him and that you'll try not to be such a drama queen. he will appreciate the honesty. then get yourself a hobby! anything .i was in your same situation not too long ago and i realized that i had no life! my bf did. he had his friends, which he played basketball with every other day, school, chores he had to do at home and he also had a part time job. i on the other hand did nothing . just came home, did homework, some chores, and talk to friends about my bf.. uh! so i also got a part time job. it worked great its like he missed me more! i wasnt always on his *** bugging him for attention, and when we had a chance to kick it together we had a great time, whether it was just us or w/ friends. so just get involved in something. anything! just dont make him such a top priority, but dont ignore him either! tutor someone , volunteer, do anything that makes you feel good about yourself. i guarantee you will feel much more satisfied w/ your life and your bf will see what a great gf he has. its a win win situation. good luck!!
2007-04-27 05:18:03 · answer #4 · answered by gilma m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Err,
You cannot have your way all of the time...fact of life. If you want to drive this young man away...keep acting like a spoiled child. If the relationship means as much to you as you say, you should be willing to allow him a say in things. It's that simple.
If you cannot allow him a say (this is gonna hurt), you are not "attached" to him, you are dominating him...and that's a sick relationship. Learn to share now (you seem to have missed this lesson in kindergarten, hon, and it's an IMPORTANT lesson).
Keep firmly in mind that a relationship is not a competition, no one is keeping score and your ultimate goal is to wind up in a partnership.
Good luck, Sweetie...growing up isn't easy, is it? *sigh*
2007-04-27 05:08:58 · answer #5 · answered by Peanut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry. If you keep arguing all the time, you will be unattached soon enough. Sounds to me like this relationship is sinking and it's time to abandon ship.
2007-04-27 05:04:53 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be rude, but an Emergency is someone having a heart attack. Being attached to your boyfriend is not an emergency. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound crass.
You have to force yourself to distance yourself from him or you are going to lose him. Every time you think about calling him call one of your friends, go for a walk, repeat over and over, I will not call him, remind yourself you are going to lose him, do SOMETHING or you will lose him. This has worked for me and some of my other friends.
Good luck sweetie.
2007-04-27 05:05:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some tough love. Right now the relationship is one sided. You are more than attached; you are codependent on him.
Learn how to be independent. Learn how to enjoy to COMPROMISE with your boyfriend. Also, learn how that you don't need to be around someone ALL THE TIME to love them. Learn independence--go out with your girlfriends and don't call him.
2007-04-27 05:04:25 · answer #8 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same kind of relationship... what the best thing to do is like someone else said not be around him so much... have days where you spend time with your family or go out with girlfriends... you can't totally be dependent on your bf/gf... it's not healthy and it causes conflict
2007-04-27 05:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by Elle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is easy if you don't want all your attention centered around him then get yourself a new hobby you know something to keep you busy and you know what he you might not be seeing the love coz you are giving too much slow down and then you'll see the love he is showing
2007-04-27 05:10:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋