Im an 18 yr old male in college in a relationship with one of the most beautiful women you'll ever see. Ever since I was little I would get talked down to and looked over by peers and even family members. I don't even know a time that I was confident or even thought about what I could do without 2nd guessing. I try and try to be, but it just won't work. This is ruining my relationship b/c I often worry about somebody taking my girlfriend from me b/c I think that someone could. What are some confidence boosters that could help me?
2007-04-26 21:33:41 · 22 answers · asked by SMD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
my wife is beautiful,it makes me proud when i see men look at her as i know shes with me and would never cheat,have more faith in her
2007-04-26 21:37:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You simply need to understand that you have nothing to lose...and you can use your childhood boo-hoos as an excuse for anything, but YOU are the one who chose to step back instead of step up...but you are not there now...you are here...new time, new moment, always a chance for new you.
Do you see how you have gone from using how people treated you when you were younger as a "blame" for why you are? Do you see you are "expecting" an ill fate with your girlfriend, and so it will come about...and so you will "blame" the other person who may "take her"? This is your root issue...so let's do something with this first...
There's an old saying "Excuses are like buttholes...everyone's got one, and they all stink!" LOL Funny, but true, yes? Okay, so everytime you see yourself making an excuse for why you aren't getting something done, or why you are feeling a certain way, stop & think of that saying, giggle to yourself, & make a different choice in the matter...
Confidence comes with knowing that you are in control of the greatest part of this lifetime...YOU...this is YOUR life! Everything you do, say...re-actions/non-actions...these reflect Who YOU are in any given moment. The beauty part is that if you are not happy with that reflection at any given time, you can make a new choice in the very next moment to change it.
Now, if you come to realize that your insecurity is now turning into a jealousy (not called the big green monster for no reason--it's a killer!), and you see that this is ruining something dear to you...Sweety, only YOU can stop & ask yourself which is worth keeping...the jealousy or the relationship? See??? And even if you were the most wonderful person, great partner, awesome in bed, full of confidence...you do not have a leash on anyone else or their life choices. Yes, we can walk together for a time, create wonderful things during that time, and experience many parts of our individual & together selves in that time...but it will end...either through circumstance or death. What is left? Still YOU, right? What have you lost...a comfort zone? You can, & will, make a new one. What have you gained...wisdom, memories...priceless experiences! Worth the risk of a few SELF adjustments, yes? Of course...it always is!
So, remember that little saying, know that you are at the helm, and make it so you like looking in the mirror...YOU CAN do this...soooo...go for it! And Good Journey!!!
2007-04-27 05:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by MsET 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, seriously...
No one can really answer this question with a "right" answer. Something like what you are describing, only YOU can fix, no one else...well, maybe a therapist will help in this case. Self-confidence is something only you can acquire, but outside influences do help occasionally. If it's really bothering you that much, a therapist is not only a good idea, but it's a smart one too. You can read every self-help book on the planet, you can eat the bullsh*t people feed you on a daily basis, you could have a harem of hot looking girls at your beck and call wearing nothing but bikinis, and none of this sh*t will help you in your quest for self-esteem. What I'm about to say sounds simple, but it's not: YOU have to be the one that believes in yourself before anyone else will buy that you are an awesome dude. A therapist will be really beneficial because they don't just give you the answers: the help YOU discover the answers for yourself. And trust me, you'll feel a whole lot better knowing you figured it all out for yourself instead of having answers handed to you on Yahoo Answers. Good luck to you.
2007-04-27 04:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by Detroit Diva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that you can recognise that you have a problem,That's half the battle. Most either can't see it or don't want to admit it.
Most important, you need to find ways to take care of yourself. If there are issues in your life that are starting to accumulate and cause you stress, take some time for yourself and do things that make you happy every day. That may mean spending time with friends or engaging in activities that bring you a sense of satisfaction. You may have been sacrificing these areas of your life by choice because you're too busy or too stressed. These are the things that make your life complete and fulfilling. Focus on something other than your relationship, and find interests that don't revolve around your girlfriend. When we depend on another human for our happiness it is only natural to begin to worry because if that person leaves our life we are totally lost.Basically, you need to bring some balance back into your life, which also includes proper nutrition and exercise.
You may want to seek out some kind of professional counselling. Best wishes!
2007-04-27 04:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have had the stuffing knocked out of you - and shame on those that did that to you.
However - if you cannot judge yourself well then allow your super girlfriend to judge you.
And she has. She is with you.
Is she stupid. Is she so ugly that she is grateful that you even pity her enough to look at her.
Or is she an intelligent woman who sees a man that is good and kind and funny and has a sincere heart?
In time - you will know that the people who made you what you are now were wrong and had a lot of problems of their own.
Right now i think that you should live for the day and trust the lady in your life to have a little bit more of an objective eye on this matter.
A woman is very rarely wrong - trust me - I'm one!
2007-04-27 04:44:04 · answer #5 · answered by isobellistowel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ever see the guy on older saturday night live sketches that did the thing where he looks in the mirror and says:
"I'm good enough...
I'm smart enough...
and doggon'it, people like me!"
well you can start with some self affirmation. By now I'm sure you've heard of "the secret" (which isn't a secret to anyone who has read the Bible) but there is alot of power in your tongue and thoughts... what you confess over yourself is what you'll end up as. Be it for the better or for the worse.
2007-04-27 04:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by Wraithwind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could start with the fact that she's with you, that she doesn't seem to want to be with anyone else.
I don't know that I'm one of the "most beautiful women you'll ever see" (at least not by today's markers) but I've been on the other side of your problem (dating an insecure guy who can't quite believe I want to be with him and is waiting for the other shoe to drop) and I can tell you that I adored them and no one could have lured me away. I can only guess at it but I'll bet she feels like I did.
2007-04-27 08:33:22 · answer #7 · answered by K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not any surefire way to get over being insecure except to remind yourself that you were good enough to catch her in the first place, so why don't you think you can't keep her? Keep her interest level up by being funny and don't EVER beg or act like you can't live without her. It gives them all the cards. A good source of advice for you is Askmen.com. The site has numerous advice areas from both women and men. Good Luck!!
2007-04-27 04:45:09 · answer #8 · answered by not.quitting 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that got me over being insecure, is being secure on purpose. After I started "acting" like I had confidence, I started actually "having" confidence. It's a weird science I guess. If you act like you love yourself, everyone will see that and pretty soon you will start actually loving yourself. Does this make any sense?? I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. Good luck sweetheart.
2007-04-27 04:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by ~Crystal~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
learning what's really going on might help you. Listen to Malcolm X; he was a little confused but he was on the right track.
You may be able to find information on something called a "shame culture"
We live in a society that tries to climb over the tops of each other and drag others down as we scramble to the top ourselves. It's not everyone but it's fairly prevelant. It is these people trying to hold you down to prop themselves up that make you insecure. Once you realize how it works it is easier to deal with.
2007-04-27 04:41:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a certain expression "nothing succeeds like success" - confidence comes when you achieve success in your life. Most people at 18 have not achieved anything yet, so of course they feel insecurity about their potential. This is normal. You should keep working for something that you believe in, keep moving forward.
2007-04-27 04:47:30 · answer #11 · answered by Patrick K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋