should i marry him, is it just wedding jitters or am i kidding myself?

Question

im due to get married in october abroad, and im having second thoughts, the little things that wouldnt really bother you seem a big issue, because you know you have to put up with them for the rest of your life. he keeps being mardy and saying its not working and saying hes going to move out, he already did this a few months ago but came back when he realised he did want to marry me. is this just wedding jitters. i just keep thinking about my family, il be letting everyone down. what if we cancel and them wish we hadn't?

Answer 1

well, i think that he isn't sure either from the sound of it.. what if you DO go through with it and then can't find a way out?

The two of you would make each other miserable for the rest of your lives. Trust me on this, i'm going through it now..

I think if you're not sure your family will understand.

Answer 2

First of all, make sure you are getting married for you, not for your family. They want you to be happy and no matter how disappointed the would appear in the short term, they will soon realise it would be for the best.

Men and commitment are not two words in a sentence that usually go together. I used to get it in the neck because I didn't seem excited about my upcoming wedding. I was but I just didn't show it.

Sit down and ask him why he thinks it's not working. The important thing here is not to get emotional. Try to keep a level head and discuss things through with him. After he's done, you can air yours. Only after that can the two of you decide if being together and / or getting married is the best thing for both of you.

Answer 3

I am engaged at the moment, due to marry in December. You know what, unless the problems u experience is major, the jitters are completely normal. I experience it sometimes myself. The little things that annoy the heck outta me have become much more stark as the big day approaches. But guess what? All those silly things don't matter becoz at the end of the day I am soo crazey abt him and when I am with him, nothing else matters. Think abt it long and hard, and if its the same for you, then go ahead with the wedding :) Good luck!

Answer 4

I agree with a lot of what's said above, and there's nothing stopping you putting this on hold for another year.

Just postpone the wedding, another year together will help you iron out an insecurities and stop you both doing something you might regret.

You can put this to him as you BOTH having reservations (yours being about his commitment but you don't have to tell him that) and then the pressure is off, you have time together without this huge day looming down on you and things feeling out of control.

Don't worry about your parents and friends, i'm sure they would prefer to see you happy at the end of the day and if that means things being postponed for a year as opposed to a divorce 2 years later i'm sure they'll take the wait anytime.

Answer 5

Follow your instincts. It is really too soon for wedding jitters in my opinion. Sounds like he is having 2nd thoughts, and so are you. Maybe it is time to postpone the wedding until both of you have resolved your mixed feelings. I don't think that your parents would be upset in the least, if you tell them that you are having 2nd thoughts. I believe that they would be supportive. I am sure that they would not want you to marry someone that you will not be happy with.

You and your fiance should have a long honest discussion before you make any decision.

Answer 6

I don't think you should be asking us.

You need to sit down with him and 'grasp the nettle'.

Now is the time to resolve whether you are both truly committed ot making a mistake.

Cmmunication...it is key to a good mariage. If you cannot get over this 'hump' now then what hope in the future.

Sit down, clear some space and time and talk.

If you cannot manage this just the two of you together -- try and get him to agree to see 'Relate' counsellor -- a third party who is 'uninvolved' can help both of you not to get 'too over emotional' and get to the root of any issues.

Better to make a decision now almost 6 months ahead than to wait until the end of September!!

Don't worry about leting other people down, focus on the fact that this is YOUR life, YOUR happiness, and the TWO of you who are the ONLY people who will be involved in this marriage.

Answer 7

hi there, i felt the same way when i was getting married, but mine where just silly little things.
with your partner saying he is going to move out i think you should at least put the wedding off for a while untill he can realize what he really wonts. there is no point in going through with it if he is just going to pack his things the following week.
i know this might sound a bit hard to say to the family but wouldnt you rather save your money than waste it on a wedding that might not happen coz of you partner?
hope this helps x

Answer 8

around 5 years ago i got engaged and moved in with my fiance, and within a few months of this we were having problems, and i started to realise that we were not meant to be, but i was afraid of letting my family down, with less than a year to our wedding i was afraid of what they would think. but i was very unhappy in the relationship and we kept falling out and fighting over everything, sometimes we convinced ourselves that it was nerves and kept going, until i realised that i was never going to be truly happy with him, so i left, it took me six months to actually pluck up the courage to leave.

a few weeks after this happened, the most gorgeous guy in my work asked me out on a date, and 3 years later he has now proposed to me, and we are extremely happy. but had i stayed with my ex i would never have know what true love and happiness is.

although i am not saying that this is the same as your problem, because it may not be the case, you may both be just having jitters, but you really need to sit down and think about it as this is the rest of your life you are talking about.

think about everyhing you love about him and then try to remember why you wanted to marry him in the first place.

when i look at my fiance i fall in love with him all over again. if you can feel this way about your fiance then you are right to marry him.

i hope you make the right decision no matter what that is. good luck

and remeber at the end of the day you wont be letting your family down if its your happiness that is at stake, all they want is for you to be happy

Answer 9

Better to call a halt to things now than have a huge wedding you don't want! It's your wedding not your parents so don;t worry about letting them down. However if they are footing the bill you really need to decide once and for all.
You could always postpone the wedding for a year?

Answer 10

well, alarm bells were ringing like mad when i read your question....... if u are having these doubts and problems before u get married, then it doesn't bode well for the future... marriage never fixes problems within a relationship.... i know u are worried about letting your family down, but what's more worrying is that u would be letting YOURSELF down by marrying someone who u are unsure of.... i'm sure your happiness matters more to your family than you getting married just to please them. i think u need longer together to see whether or not you are both ready for marriage... for example, set a date for sometime in the new year, where u and your partner can sit down and decide whether or not to get married...

my cousin married her first husband because she worried that cancelling everything would upset her family, the marriage was disastrous, and the extra pressure of being married was the final straw for their relationship, and they split up within 6 months of being married...

i hope things turn out well, whatever u decide.