During this story I'm going to call the one who raised me and adopted me my"mom" (actually my grandma) and I'll call my birh mom my "birth mom" (even though I grew up knowing her as my sister) There were 3 other sisters too (which were actually my aunts) A couple years ago my "mom" was very sick, and knew she didn't have long to live. So she wanted to be there with my "birth mom" to tell me the truth before she passed away. My "birth mom" begged her and my other 3 "sisters" to NEVER tell me. So they all promised Well 2 weeks after that my dad (the man that adopted me) passed away too! A couple months later my "birth mom" told me she was really my mom. Long story short. She claims she tried to get me several times and my "mom" wouldnt let her. My other sisters said she nevercame back that she neglected me &my mom actualy rescued me from her house skinney, 8in worms in my diaper locked in my room with nothing but a matress. Cld u ever have rlship w/ her? Better if not lied?
2007-04-26 19:39:47 · 10 answers · asked by ♥bigmamma♥ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
So Mom wanted to tell you before she passed away, but birth mom begged her not to. Then birth mom waited until after Dad had died too before she finally told you--and she did it fairly quickly once they were both deceased. MAYBE she wanted to wait until they were deceased so that they couldn’t tell you truth? Or maybe not. There’s no way to know for sure, but I’d certainly suspect that MIGHT be the case, and that the other sisters are being honest here.
Could I personally have a relationship with someone that I suspected had badly neglected me as a child (and the situation, as the sisters claimed it to be, were pretty horrific)? Probably not. There’s no excuse for that.
But sadly, there’s no way for you to know for sure who’s being honest.
2007-04-26 20:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can have a relationship with her. She was probably very young when she had you. The true story is probably some where in between. People do change and deserve a second chance.
I don't know if it would have been better if they had not lied or not. I worked with a woman in that same situation. She adopted her granddaughter, but always had the child call her grandma. The child knew who her real mom was. It seems to be working out OK so far.
I am sorry that all this has happened to you.
2007-04-26 19:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Were you a happy kid?
Are you an okay adult?
Let it go, Forgive your birth mom.
She was a child herself and scared. She was a part of your life as best you could be. She is your sister, so love her.
Your grandmother(mom) is your mother. Honor her as such.
Our world is a crazy place and the story is a sad one, yet not as uncommon as you may think. Thank god, you had a family to be a part of and well loved it sounds.
Family secrets only get "harder" and more painful at times as we get older. Yet in your case, these woman were trying to protect you and keep you safe by NOT telling you. Be patient and understanding, these aunts (sisters) loved you and wouldn't hurt either you or their mother raising you as one of her own. Find forgiveness in your heart.
Let all that pain go. A lie is never good, yet in this case, put yourself in their shoes (at that point in the world/life) what could have been done? You know now.
Take that information and grow. Love your family as a new woman. Your Mom is still your mom, no matter her relationship to you. So as you mature and become a "mom" yourself one day....at that moment, the day you give birth, you will renew your entire being that you were a blessed child, that so many woman loved you. No matter the 'Way" it happened.
Best wishes.
I would seek help with a trusted therapist or minister. You have several issues of concern to overcome. To help you make all the right choices for you and to heal.
2007-04-26 19:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well mistakes are mistakes. I think in the long run as long as she is a better person now that I would be able to forgive her.
The woman who raised you all that time is your mom for all reasons that count. I would never doubt that, Im sure that not telling you was what she thought was best.
Maybe your birth mom did try to get you back but was in no shape to raise you. Either way you cant blam your mom for not giving you up. I never thought of biology to be extremly important. It is who raised you and did their best.
If you live your life full of hate then you will never be fufilled. Trust things turned out for the best.
I am very sorry for you losing both parents I know that is very tuff. Best of wishes..
2007-04-26 19:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by The Unknown Awaits 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SEEMS LIKE THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT THING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH. APPARENTLY YOUR MOM 9GRANDMA) LOVED YOU DEARLY. BE THANKFUL SHE WAS THERE FOR YOU. YOUR "BIRTH MOM' VERY YOUNG I SUPPOSE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT RASING A CHILD. I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH RATHER THAN NOT EVER HAVE KNOWN. MAYBE SHE DID COME AROUND TRYING TO GET YOU, MAYBE YOUR SISTERS (AUNTS) TRYING TO PROTECT YOU FROM GETTING HURT THIS TIME AROUND. I THINK YOU WERE BETTER OFF WITH MOM (GRANDMA), NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
PEOPLE DO CHANGE AS THEY GROW UP AND MATURE. GIVE HER A CHANCE AND SEE WHAT SHE'S ABOUT. NO NEED TO MOVE IN WITH HER OR ANYTHING OF THAT SORT. SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE LOVED BY THE OTHERS. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND PLAY IT BY EAR. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU'LL EVER SEE YOUR BIRTH MOM AS YOUR MOM 'CAUSE YOU'VE KNOWN HER ALL YOUR LIFE AS YOUR SISTER BUT, IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT A CHANCE YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
BEST OF LUCK.
2007-04-26 19:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by CUTIE PIE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This actual happen to some family of mine, the grandparents legally adopted their daughter’s son. However it wasn’t hidden from him but he did call his grandparents Mom and Dad, and referred to his uncles and aunts as his siblings. I think they were wrong to hide it from you but I suppose they felt it could be damaging to you. Either way they did what they thought was best for you. Perhaps you can start a slow relationship with your “birth mother” / sister. What kind of relationship did you have with her prior to this all coming out.
2007-04-26 19:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your MOM is the one who raised you. You know your birth mom as your sister and that's how it should be only thank her for giving you a life. Nothing else. at least you have still a sister.
2007-04-26 19:52:09 · answer #7 · answered by betty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She didn't abort you. You experienced a family love that made you stronger. She was a disgrace as a mom, but that is common in USA. Perhaps she will learn, but I wouldn't do the kid sister thing with her. She doesn't have pent up rage she was just an idiot. check yourself out for that too.
2007-04-26 19:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're strong enough you could have a relationship, but i wouldn't worry myself sick about it. (if she wanted you a whole lot she would've taken it to court) i would say you could develop a relationship with her, but not one as a mother. Whoever raises you is your mother, not who conceives you.
2007-04-26 19:47:12 · answer #9 · answered by lucky- gibbons 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to think about for a lot time... I may give it a try.
2007-04-26 19:49:34 · answer #10 · answered by oneofmillions 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋