I cant do it anymore.... Is that wrong of me?

Question

My husband wanted his 17 year old brother to move in with us (we are only 21) and my husband is a marine and so he is hardly ever home. His bother and i hate eachother we always have. but since my husband wanted his bother to get out of the whole gang thing i respected that, but ever since he has been here he has been nothing but trouble and he dont do anything i ask, i cook for him and clean up after him and wash his clothes and i do everything for him but he still dont respect me, so i told my husband i was leaving him because i cant deal with his brother anymore. My husband is never home when his brother is and when my husband is home on the weekend his brother is gone at partties . And i dont want to make my husband pick between his brother and his wife.His brother has stolen so much sutff from the base and he is going to get my husband in trouble....... Am i in the wrong. Or can some one help me get passed this all.. I have had all i can take i cant do it anymore...

Answer 1

You have to do this. Make your husband choose between the two of you. Pack your stuff and be ready to go, to show him that you are dead serious. Don't be a doormat. That is your home too and if it is unbearable for you then, your husband needs to consider your feelings otherwise, nothing that matters to you is going to matter to him. This is just the beginning of it.

Start packing now. The longer you put it off, the more you will regret it. You can always come back later if he gets rid of his brother.

Don't make any deals like his brother will start helping around the house or anything like that. It will not work and you know it.

You want to get your point across? Then start packing. Now!

And before I forget, how much stuff has his brother stolen from the two of you? Start looking around. I think you may find that he has. Missing anything that could be sold? How about any money? CDs? Anything of yours since he hates you so much? Check your jewelry box.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

First, you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for putting the past behind you and accepting him into your home. It is good that your husband and you want to show the brother a better lifestyle that what he is used to, that doesn't mean that you are automatically the maid. Your husband should be sitting his brother down and telling him - not explaining - that the two of you have a wonderful life together and that he needs to chip in. Sounds like he just gave him a place to stay. Maybe try telling the brother that he cannot be at the home unless he is there? Your husband needs to show you respect in the matter that he is married to you, not his brother. If his brother sees that, then he will either stay or leave. As for the stealing; if your brother doesn't know - I'd tell him. Have the proof when you do and make sure that the brother is there as well. Why should you have to answer to your husband for something his brother did. I wouldn't leave just yet. It's a marriage, which means work. It's tough at times, but it sounds like maybe this is your only problem? If so, stick it out. You may be surprised! Good Luck & let us know how is goes!

Answer 3

Sometimes the hurt is so expansive that there isn't room to cry. Your tears are inescapable You could also be holding back emotions because you don't want anyone to realize that you're so upset. The foremost symptoms of depression are loss of interest, loss of energy, and an inability to experience pleasure. Sadness associated with depression is often described as inescapable and more painful than normal sadness, which the person may or may not be able to remember having. Depression can be so overwhelming that a person cannot recognize the symptoms. Some signs of depression to lookout for: Withdrawal (i.e., from family, friends, work, school) Quitting activities previously enjoyed (e.g., sports, hobbies) Violence (especially in depressed adolescents and the elderly) Inability to cry despite the urge Generalized negative views Memory loss (i.e., plans, short-term) Slumped posture, especially when at rest Lack of facial expression Repeated loss of concentration, often with trancelike staring Substance dependency (e.g., alcoholism, illicit drug use) Disregard for appearance and personal hygiene Compulsion that affects most normal activities Recurrent need to get away, leave town, or talk of this need There are a lot of other people out there who want to cry, but can't. You're definitely not alone, never feel that way. I suggest, if you think you really need to get out a sad sob, watch a movie that you know always tears you up, try The Notebook, or A Walk to Remember, or listen to a very sad song like Daddy's Hands, or Stairway to Heaven. Maybe not the every regimen, but something is bound to work.

Answer 4

You are protecting your husband and your self Does your husband know he is stealing Next find a group that rehabilitates gang members If his brother was trying it might be a different thing If he is not trying he needs more help than you or your brother can provide Tough love is required Your husband should be able to find an organization to help before his brother gets into the wrong situation and hurts someone or gets shot I think you are totally right in your thinking you cannot help someone who wont help themselves His brother should be in school have a curfew and be required to help in the community He should not be allowed to party on weekends or allowed to hang out with the wrong people

Answer 5

First of all, this has to change: "ever since he has been here he has been nothing but trouble and he dont do anything i ask, i cook for him and clean up after him and wash his clothes and i do everything for him but he still dont respect me, so i told my husband i was leaving him because i cant deal

Things may get a little messy for awhile, but by washing his clothes and cooking for him you are enabling him to just stay put! Why should he want to leave if all his needs are being taken care of????

Stop "doing" for him. Make him responsible for cleaning up his stuff. Teach him HOW to wash clothes---his clothes only-- and then announce you aren't going to do them anymore.

My kids have been washing their own clothes for YEARS because my schedule was never fast enough for them. "There's a spot in these jeans. I CAN'T wear them." So, post the instructions of the washing machings AT the washing machine and let him take care of it himself. He is perfectly capable of this.

Decide you aren't going to cook as often. You eat the leftovers and provide lunch meats, whatever, and let him make his own sandwiches.

If he's such a tough guy who thinks he belongs in a gang, he does not have enough responsiblities of his own. Just treat him and teach him how to be independent.

He'll never forget your help. AND it's not your husband that should be leaving! His brother should get out!

Answer 6

Sure, you are definately in the right for not being able to take it any more. You should talk it out with your husband and his brother in a frank and direct conversation. If you dont say what you feel because you dont want to bother your husband, then it will only escalate until you cannot take it and snap. That is when things are too late. The fact that you are able to withstand it all and not complain is enough, but you need to talk it out before things get out of hand.

Answer 7

No you are not wrong. It is admirable for your husband to want to help his brother but since he is gone too much to do so, it is not fair to make you do it. Where are your husband's parents? If they can't do anything with this kid, you should not be expected to. If he is stealing, more than likely they will make him move off of the base anyway. If your husband can't understand this, you should probably tell him that you need a trial separation.

Answer 8

Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and what you feel like doing. He should not have to decide between you and his brother, but he does need to decide what is most important in his life. He also needs to know that his brother needs to be responsible and law abiding! I know how you feel, I had a similar situation in my home with my brother in law, and my husbands daughter. It is a difficult time. Don't just pack up and leave though. Get together with your husband and explain to brother that he has one month to make other living arrangements - period. If he does not comply, pack up his brothers stuff and put it on the drive.

Answer 9

If I were you and he was that way try n talk to him and if that didnt work id just have to kick his *** out and leave him for your husband to deal with when hes back and u just explain to your husband whats going on and if he gets upset bout it that would b pretty sorry considering you were givin the guy a chance in the first place but he shows you no respect,I think your husband would understand if u guys have a really good relationship.

Answer 10

You are not wrong with how you feel. Your husband should have never asked his brother to move in with you two in the first place. You two are a married couple and you need your privacy. Your husband should take a stand and ask him to leave. His brother has to come to the conclusion to stop his violent, distructive behavior. I would say not to leave your husband. This situation isnt worth leaving him over, at least not permanently. It isnt a matter of your husband "picking" you over his brother. You are his wife and you have priority over everyone, including your mother in law! That is why a husband leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife and the two shall become one. Your brother in law needs to take his tail out of there right quick!