My dad had major surgery today, it was very sudden He’s fine, but has to stay in the hospital for a few days.
A while back, my friends and I purchased concert tickets for tomorrow night. At the time, I had no idea my father would need surgery. I debated whether or not to go. However, he insisted I go and enjoy myself. He's fine and there is no need to be sitting around his bedside. I agreed with him.
Anyway, my friend contacted me through an e-mail today about the concert. She asked me about my father's surgery and how it went and then preceded to tell me the plans for tomorrow evening. Last week, before I knew of the surgery, we made a plan for what we were going to do. We decided to do some shopping, have dinner and then the show.
But, I am now unsure of my plans for the day. I need to visit my father tomorrow and the hospital is about 2 hours away from my home.. I have elderly relatives that I agreed to pick up and bring to visit my Dad. This will take
2007-04-26 16:27:15 · 10 answers · asked by Answer Girl 2007 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Most of the day. Last week, my friends and I made plans for our day tomorrow. It included leaving early in the day so we could go shopping and then dinner before the concert. Well, now, that has changed. I e-mailed my friend that is driving that I would appreciate it if we played things by ear tomorrow. She e-mailed me back and said, OK and to let her know about tomorrow. She was aware of the surgery. After I received her reply. I got a call from our other friend that is attending the show with us. She said had JUSt she spoke with the driver and she was still planning to leave at the originally time.
I’m a little upset by this. I understand that what the drive says,, normally goes. But, we have been friends for 5 years. I’m a little surprised by her apathy.
I want to ask her if we could possible for fit the shopping and dinner and leave for the show later in the day
2007-04-26 16:28:04 · update #1
Am I being unreasonable to ask her to change our plans? Our other friend agrees with the idea of foregoing our shopping/dinner. How can I confront her nicely about this? She gets cranky when she doesn’t get her way. The concert is in a city I’m not familiar w/ so me driving is not a question. I paid over $100 for the ticket and I don’t want to lose that money by not going. Plus, after a certain time, the hospital doesn’t allow guests. That happens to be the time the concert is taking place.
2007-04-26 16:28:30 · update #2
first if all, i am glad your father is doing ok :)
secondly, i cannot believe how selfish your *friend* is being. i say that loosely as this girl is NOT your friend, and you would do good to lose her after this concert.
You could confront her and ask her to change the plans based on the circumstances...but you said something about this girl getting upset if she doesn't get her way, and i bet this time will be no different, since she didnt even ask if you needed to change pland since your father was in the hospital. it will probably end up in a fight, and then she may not take you or any of your other friends to the concert just to *get even*....
your father said that he was fine, and you said that he was fine, too...and he said for you to go ahead and have a good time...i think that since you have so much money invested in this, that you should go ahead and go - otherwise your dad will feel guilty. i am a mom, and i know that i would...just go and have a good time (atleast the other friends will be fun to hang around) and reschedule to take the rest of your family to see him later this weekend.....
but most of all...dont forget how this friend treated you in your time of need...
2007-04-27 01:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by Cinna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not an unreasonable request. Tell her that you just have to change plans. You can still go to the concert, but with your dad's surgery maybe you can go shopping next week instead?
Hopefully your friend will understand. If she decides to be a pill about it then there's not much you can do. Let the pillish behavior roll off your back so that it doesn't affect the good time it sounds like you are in need of.
2007-04-26 23:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by LX V 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest that you phone your friend and talk to her directly instead of sending e-mail messages back and forth. This way you can avoid any mistakes in scheduling.
1. Your father's surgery and your wish to be near him is a priority I would say.
2. Visiting your dad is more important than spending the day going shopping.
3. Transporting your elderly relatives is also more important than the shopping spree.
Your friend needs to understand this - if not, then she is not really a friend.
4. I would suggest that you still go to your concert, because you spent a lot of money on the ticket, but keep your day free for your family, okay?
2007-04-26 23:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are not being unreasonable. At this time it is normal for you to be concerned about your dad and a little tensed about the proceedings as you have important things to do.
if she is a realy good friend, she would realize that family comes first and especialy at the time of crisis she should stand by you and help you in every possible way and definitely not create new problems for you.
If it were me i would voulenteer to make your day easy, and reschedule plans. as the sayign goes 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'
If you want to set things straight, tell her flat, and tell her that you would probably expect more support from her.
2007-04-27 01:51:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you know your Dad's well-being is more important than your friend getting her way, but it's the fact that SHE doesn't see it that's bugging you. I think it's right that you're putting your family ahead of your plans, and your friend can sympathize and still not like it. She should get HER priorities straight. You should inform her that yours are. Maybe you could ask her if the pre-concert plans could be moved to a different day? Or maybe you could ask someone else if they could transport your relatives, that could save you some time.
Buy Dad a souvenir, even if he has no idea who the band is! It proves you were thinking of him and still having fun.
2007-04-27 00:06:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anniekd 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your friend is being a little insensitive. However since these tickets were so expensive and your dad is doing OK, why don't you go ahead and try to enjoy yourself.
Hope your dad continues to improve after his surgery.
2007-04-27 02:21:44 · answer #6 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are being unreasonable either go as planned or back out all together, your father is doing OK and there is no reason that your friends should have to change their plans.
2007-04-27 02:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mariah 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would talk to her about it, rather than listening to what someone else told you. Since the shopping and dinner is additional and can be done at another time, she should understand...let her know that.
2007-04-26 23:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by aerochick2355 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's perfectly OK to change the plans. I keep preaching honesty... just be honest with them and I'm sure you all can work something out!! Sell the tic on ebay if you want to skip it!!
2007-04-27 00:19:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You tell her that things have changed, and that you will play it by ear. SHE doesn't have to be in charge of all the plans.
If she doesn't like that, too bad. If she gets cranky, that's her problem. She sounds shallow and selfish to me.
2007-04-27 02:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋