Alcohol Causing Potential Relationship Issue - How do I approach it tactfully?

Question

I've been seeing this guy for just over a month now, and I really like him. We have fun together & he's really a good guy, all my friends agree. But, he likes to drink, A LOT. While I don't mind a drink or a few here or there,heck I cut loose every now and then too, but I do not like the fact that he spent last Fri, Sat & Sun night pretty dang drunk. He is not a mean drunk by any means and I am not afraid for myself, it is just a bit embarassing and annoying to deal with on a regular basis. I'm not wanting him to stop, just cut back a bit. How do I bring this up to him? I'd like to consider stepping the relationship to a higher level, but this issue is standing in the way. I dont want to come across as demanding or as trying to change him, I just want to voice my concern over the issue. How do I do it appropriately & without possibly messing up the relationship? Obviously it is something that has to be dealt with and not just ignored.

Answer 1

Think outside the box alitte. Step back. Realize that it isn't the achohol that he has a problem with. Its himself. We like to hide behind this idea the drinking is just for fun! But you drink for fun. What he does is a sign of dependence. If not that its a sign of dependence on not feeling like himself. See alcoholism like any other addiction is about the element of addiction. Its about the driving force behind that addiction. And something is driving him hard because 3 days back-to-back drinking means he is HIGHLY motivated to drink. Which is all part of his own motications to not feel like he feels. This is hard to explain unless you've had fristtime experience with cronic depression, if you had its alot like that. Chances are he seems like a happy, go lucky kind of guy. So did hitler, realize it isn't what you see on the outside you worry about its whats going on in the inside that you need to be concern. Now if you know enough about this guy to know what drives him to drink then you can do something to help him, but if you think taking the alcohol away is going to save him, well you'll find out just like AA/NA/REHAB teaches it isn't that easy at all. Be careful in your tolerance of bad behavior in your lovers they can become fathers someday..... if not atleast treat it as being that important. Now if your still wanting to help him thru this, talk to him about it, ask when he had his frist drink, ask him about the why he feels so compelled to drink, and ask him if its really that hard to just enjoy himself at a party. Chances are the direction you need to look, espacially with alcohol, is social anxiety disorders, such as rage, denial, or detachment disorders..... Lets just say it this way, emotional, social, and sometimes spiritually secure people don't have a NEED to drink that much, he has a need...... which is a symptom of one of those not being fully develop'd.