My mom is a smoker and I'm pregnant?

Question

I am 34 weeks pregnant and my mom and her husband are smokers. I am not around them a whole lot but when I am they both light up right in front of me. I used to smoke but I quit a long time ago. I want to say something to them but they both get really defensive whenever you say anything negative about what they do. They live a block away and I know we'll be seeing a lot more of them when the baby is born but I don't want my little girl being around all of that smoke. What are some tactful or nice ways to tell them not to smoke around my baby without them getting pissed off at me. Normally I speak very bluntly and my mouth gets me in trouble. I'm trying to figure out how to tell them as nicely as possible.

Answer 1

It's bad enough that they smoke in your house, but to do it when you are pregnant? And no child should be around ANY tobacco smoke before the age of 7, when their lungs are fully developed. Solving this issue is of utmost importance. It's your house, you set the rules. And the same is true for being around your baby. If they want to visit at your house, fine, but he or she will not go to their house until they stop smoking. All studies of second hand smoke are showing that it may be even more lethal than first hand smoke. Researchers believe the reason smokers usually get sicker than non-smokers in the same house is that smokers are exposed to both first and second hand smoke.
It is difficult to deal with recalcitrant smokers, but now is the time. Remind them how much you love and respect them. Then ask them to demonstrate their love and respect for you and your baby. Don't let your internal reaction control your outward responses. Take deep breaths, remember you are now an adult, and this is your home. If your husband can be there with you, his support will lend strength to your presentation. Emotional outbursts rarely get us where we want to go.
Perhaps you can invite them over for dinner, then after the meal and good conversation, you can make your position known. Good luck.

Answer 2

I just went through this with my mom too. Congrats on quitting smoking by the way!! My Mom always gets super pissed when I say something about her smoking and I love her, but she is very disrespectful about it. She said she was going to smoke in MY truck and I told her no and she got mad and told me it didn't matter because I used to smoke. USED TO!!!! I have leather seats and it keeps the smell in and I don't want to smell it! Anyways, just tell her that you don't want the baby around the smoke and you cant expect them to go outside at their own home but that would be nice. I told my mom the other day that I will be staying at my dads house when I visit because they dont smoke and I dont want my son around it. I know eventually he will have to be around smoke and I feel bad about not staying with my mom so she can spend time with the baby but.....It is a good choice to not have babies around smoke.
My mouth has always gotten me in trouble and you will find out when it comes to your baby, you really wont care if you have to be blunt with someone.

Answer 3

Always blame it on a professional adviser. In this case, you have an obstetrician and a pediatrician. You can tell your mom and her husband that you're planning to follow all the advice given to you by the medical professionals in charge of your care and the baby's care. Tell them that now, and repeat it casually each time you see them.

Then, near the birth, let them know that the doctors advised that no one smoke around the baby--ever. Tell them that the doctor was even nervous about people who have cigarette or cigar residue on their clothes and skin, so it would be good if they didn't smoke around you or the baby, or best of all, even make sure they didn't smoke just before coming into contact with the baby.

This way, you can deflect any anger to the doctors, and still have the rules followed.

Answer 4

Maybe you could find articles on the internet on how bad smoking is for children and give them to your parents to read. That would give them the message and avoid you getting into a verbal confrontation.

You might also try an emotional appeal in which you point out that you want them to be around a long time, like for their granddaughter's wedding, so why don't they try to quit?

My mom smoked but after my dad died and she realized my sister and I didn't come around much because she smoked, she quit. Do you allow smoking in your house? (If you do, don't. You have every right to set the rules in your house. ) Just don't take your daughter to their house. Make them come to you. Or make them meet you at a park where the effect of smoke will be minimal. Once they realize their smoking is cutting into time with the granddaughter, maybe they'll quit.

Your parents might not be as perceptive and selfless as my mom was, but you are going to have to be assertive for the sake of your daughter's health. You've already realized how bad it will be for your daughter, so kudos for that.

I'm sure your daughter will be so precious that they will want to avoid smoking around her. Her birth may just be the motivation they need.

Best of luck to all of you.

Answer 5

Just be honest with them....... ask them if they can do you the favor of not smoking around the baby because you know it's very bad for him/her. They'll understand!..... If they get mad then let them get mad for a while sooner or later they will get over it and understand that the babys health comes first..
Let them know that you won't be smoking around the baby (if you ever smoke again, not saying you will or you won't) & you really want the best health for your child... Your mother will understand i'm sure she didn't want anyone smoking around you when you were born.... be honest with them, so that your baby doesn't suffer the consequences... Good luck in your pregnancy and birth, your baby will bring you lots of joy!!!!!

Answer 6

Just tell them. My whole family smokes mom dad and 2 brothers and I just explained very nicely that I dont want the smoke around her. It can cause them to get sick easier with a cold. At my grandmas birthday last week a bomb was dropped my whole family was there aunts uncles cousins and theres like 2 people out of prob 30 that was there that dosent smoke. We told them plainly and nicely could they please go on the porch to smoke. There were grunts but they did as I asked.

Answer 7

put a sign of "no smoking" or "smoke free home" in your front door, and whoever comes to your house know that if they want to come inside there will be no smoking allowed. Now...just an advice, even if your mom doesn't smoke in front of your baby , your mom will have the scent on her clothes and if she carries your baby, your little one will be inhaling the smoke scent on her....call me "paranoiac" but I wouldn't allow her to hold the baby. When my first son was born (15 years ago) my mother and my mother in law used a lot of lipstick and they would kiss my baby's cheeks, he started having a really bad skin rash while I was still at the hospital, the pediatrician told me to tell everybody not to kiss my baby, not only the germs will get him but some lipsticks are too hard for his skin, when I saw my mother I told her to please stop kissing the baby, she got mad at first but then she understood. There is not a nice way to say things, I believe that is the tone on how you say it that will get to them without hurting their feelings. Good Luck! and remember that is your RIGHT to raise your kid on a smoke free environment.

Answer 8

Lemme just say.... I have SO been there! Basically, you have to decide your child's health is more important to you than if people are going to get upset. Truly, I know when your mom was having you, the dangers of cigarette smoking were not as widely known, but now they are!! If she truly cares about her grandchild, then she'll get huffy and GET OVER IT! She could totally smoke outside during your visits. If she's at your house, well then honey, it's your set of rules. You aren't disobeying or disrespecting her, you're simply doing what's best for your child. It's frustrating I know, but you can do it. Rock on!

Answer 9

Tell them nicely, no smoking around the baby when it is born.. IF they care at all they will understand, if not, you owe it to your new born bundle of responsiblity, good health and if that means upsetting them, then so be it.. But also, tell them like this.. "After the baby is born, we aren't going to go to your house Mom, because we don't want to intrude in your right to smoke in your own house.. So you can come to mine, ok?"..

Remember, do it now, not later.. If you wait your only prolonging it and I can tell you, you will do what you don't want to do in the long run.. Good luck..

Answer 10

There is no tactful way.. I trued when my daughter was born almost 8 years ago.

They "stopped" when she was with them, or so I was told until I came to pick her up and she reeked of smoke.

I put my foot down and told them they could not be alone with her until they regained my trust, and if they lied to me again, they would never get alone time with her again.

This is YOUR child and you are her only voice. YOU are her protector. If they get mad, then thay have made the choice... cigatettes over their grandchild.

Let them know there is proof that second hand smoke is actually more harmful, especially to childrens developing lungs, than the smoke they take into their own lungs.