My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. We have a very trusting, commited relationship and we can talk to each other about anything and everything except for: religion. Our conflicting beliefs almost caused us to break up about two years ago and since then we have tried to avoid any mention of it (since if we do, it usually results in an argument with the same result over and over again).
I will never convert, I was born an Atheist and will always be one. And I know that he so strongly believes in God/Christianity. We have learned to accept our differences in this for now, but will this cause any problems for us down the line? What about when we decide to have kids? Would it be wrong if I got upset for him wanting to baptize our children and drag them to church with him every Sunday? How do people deal with these kinds of differences and work past them (rather than just ignoring them)?
2007-04-26 14:47:21 · 12 answers · asked by Tevina 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If you want to stay together, you're going to have to learn to talk about it without arguing. You each need to listen to the other and accept the other and their beliefs without trying to change them.
What would be the problem with teaching your children both of your beliefs and letting them choose what to believe?
Do you refuse to go to church with him? If so, why? It's not going to hurt you, though it might bore you for a couple of hours.
What exactly do you argue about? If we knew more of the details, we might be able to work it out better.
Try to talk with him without arguing. I realize this can be EXTREMELY hard, but it is something you must to do stay together. Don't just spring it on your boyfriend though, tell him ahead of time that you need to talk about it WITHOUT arguing.
Please, don't let religion get in the way. Love is all that matters. Don't give up on love because religion is interfering.
2007-04-26 15:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kharm 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some couples are able to work this sort of thing out, and if you want to marry him, you will have to be very clear on how your children will be raised - what you'll tell them together, what the rules will be about church etc. You have to come to an agreement and both stick to it.
Frankly, for me this would be a deal-breaker, and was for my college boyfriend. Funnily enough, my husband had stronger feelings against religion than I did, and for a while he shied away from me because of my interest in spirituality. But after a frank talk, we agreed to teach our kids what we agreed on - that being the best person you can be is the only thing that really matters. I ended up losing interest in some of the more outlandish issues and my husband came around to admit he believes in something, just can't define it - we ended up agreeing on the Tao. I became more practical and he became comfortable with his own abstract belief. We live in harmony now.
But if he had been Christian I don't think I could have married him. Christianity is not flexible enough to accomodate me, and I could never accept it either.
2007-04-26 16:31:42 · answer #2 · answered by KC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I will say I am a Christian but I do not go to church because I am not a people person, and I am not into that social scene. I will also say that religious differences can be a dealbreaker. My ex-finace and I argued for weeks over where to have the wedding. He was Catholic and wanted a Catholc wedding. I am Protestant and did want to go thru all the Cathoilc rituals. It will be very difficult at best once you have kids. Both families will also add fuel to the fire. I ended the relationship realizing there were too many things against us. Before the the Catholic guy I was with a Jewish guy in college. His parents hated me because I wasnt Jewish, were very rude to me, and we broke up after a fight over his parents treatment of me.
2007-04-26 15:12:48 · answer #3 · answered by MeRmAiD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be a HUGE issue. You wont be able to marry him in the temple. You'll have different views on different things. You'll have all kinds of fights, you'll have small fights over things like what is okay to watch or eat, and you'll have big fights on what you teach your children. I'm sure you do love him, but God doesn't have a soul mate for us. Theres thousands of guys out there who are a good match for you, and you can love them just as much or more than you love your boyfriend. Many of these men do have the same beliefs and goals for life that you have.
2016-05-19 22:20:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ignored the obvious conflicts of you letting them read Richard Dawkins, Origin of the Spieces, taking them to the Natural History Museum.
You need to find out these conflicts as well.
If you can overcome these conflicts there is no big problem.
2007-04-26 15:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 Cor. 6:14 talks about unqual yoking between a believer and a non-believer. Also, people aren't born atheist, that would merely be an excuse, you have to be taught to be an atheist.
This unequal yoking will cause problems in marriage, raising kids, how to deal with conflict, etc.
2007-04-26 14:52:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
well Your boyfriend is in disobedience to HIS Lord and Saviour. He is not supposed to be marrying an un-believer just for the reasons that you are talking about..
It would be a marriage of constant conflict.. with neither one of you happy about this issue..
You could be friends and handle everything the way you are as friends only. But when you marry and start mixing lives it is another problem.. He would have to give up his faith for this to work as you have stated that you will not..
2007-04-26 14:50:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
how about converting to being a militant agnostic. you don't know whats behind it all and neither does anyone else. / and he can convert to being a Unitarian which is religion lite.Both of you read Power of Now which is about things as they are./i love giving free advice even if you find it worthless But you did ask. also, i think you two make a lovely pair ,misery love company.(my attempt at a joke. me and my wife made compromises ,watered down our lives for each other were reasonable happy and then she ran off with mr. death. such is life.
2007-04-26 14:59:46 · answer #8 · answered by robertbobbybob 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Find a boyfriend who has same belief, interest, values, etc. It eliminates one a possibility of an argument and misunderstanding.
2007-04-26 14:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by Leonie A 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you won't convert, that's a problem. you should know the Bible standpoint (don't be unequally yolked with unbelievers), and this is one of the reasons why. I can't give you perfect advice, but I suggest you reconcider accepting, for his sake.
and fyi, all were born atheists
2007-04-26 14:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by Hey, Ray 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋