Did I handle this situation the right way?

Question

My son is 16 and his friend left a hat here 3 months ago. The friend was told at least one time that I know of that the hat was at the house, and the kid has been to our house numerous times since. A few weeks ago my son cleaned his room and he threw the hat out because it had gotten soda spilled on it. When the friend found out he was mad and has started demanding the $49 for the cost of the hat.

I feel my 16 year old should work on solving his own problems. I did suggest offering to pay for half to keep the friendship. My problem is the mom of the kid called me and feels that my son should pay for the whole thing. I think her son is just as much to blame for leaving it here for so long, but she doesn't feel that way because he has ADHD and forgets things all the time. She says my son shouldn't have thrown it away no matter what.

I told her the boys should work it out but that I had encouraged the paying half part. She is not really happy with that. Am I wrong?

Earlier today the boy came to my house and was yelling at my son to pay him the $49 and saying he was going to break in and steal his x-box if he didn't. He also said he was going to have his mom sue me. I heard that and told him to have his mom sue me because a judge would find him at fault for leaving it here and not getting it when given notice. Well he told his mom I said that and she told me that it was inapproriate for me to tell a 16 year that. Why? It is the reality of world, right. What is this kid going to do when he is 18 and doesn't have his mom to call other people's mom's for him?

Answer 1

I thought you had a good compromise. The boy who left the hat had the responsibility of picking it up. Since he as at your home several times and had ample opportunities to take the hat home, he (the friend) has some responsibility here.

Threatening to damage property and to sue are inappropriate reactions. The other mom is clearly overreacting.

The friend should have learned a valuable lesson about keeping track of his property and properly caring for it.

Your son is showing some 'grown-up' responsibility by offering to pay for half of the hat. He could just say, "Hey, it wasn't my hat. I told you to come and get it. It was damaged, and I threw it away." My parents would say "Tough luck. You should have been more responsible."

I am sorry you are having difficulties. A friendship shouldn't be ruined by this. It is probably good that your son found out about this other kid.

You are right that the boys should work out their own difficulties.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

Answer 2

You are not wrong in refusing to pay for the hat. However, I don't think that is was appropriate for you to get into an argument with a 16 year old. I know it's hard to hold your tongue, sometimes, though.

You are right, your son should resolve this conflict himself. It doesnt sound like the friend values the friendship much if he's getting so worked up over a hat that was his responsibility.

ADHD is not a disability and if the friend's mother thinks it is (apparently she does since that excuses his behavior) then she should take responsibility for making sure that he has his belongings and take inventory whenever he returns home at night. A 16 year old is certainly capable of making sure he has his personal belongings.

Personally, I would wash my hands of the friend and his mom. It sounds like they have some issues. I mean, it's a hat......come on.

Answer 3

you are right an it seems like the other mom hasn't taught her son to deal with the consequences of his actions and has made exceptions that he has ADHD. Lame excuse in my mind. if it were my kid it would have said to him, too bad, you knew it was there and apparently it didn't mean that much to you since you left it there for three mother. you lose , move on. as for suing you, just laugh at them for being so irrational. what lawyer or judge is gonna sue over a $50 hat? Even judge Judy would shake her head over this. This mother is not a parent and she is raising an incompetent adult. ADHD is no excuse for kids not to abide by the rule and act like a spoiled brat. let the boys work it out and just feel sorry for the woman that is going to have her as a mother in law one day. if you have her email sent all the answers that are on your side so she can see how ridiculous she is. You sound like a good mom for letting your son learn from this. good luck to you!
P.S.
if the kid breaks in to your house to steal the x box, press charges so he learns consequences to his actions.

Answer 4

Let me ask you a question. What would you pay to have this thing over with and not have to deal with those people ever again? forty nine dollars doesnt seem that bad, but I understand it is the principle, but you should be the bigger classier person here.

If money isnt a problem go buy a replacement hat. Are they REALLY 50???? If money is a problem, still go check out how much they are and offer to pay half of it. Do it with a check,make a copy of it, keep the bank statement showing that the check was cashed. have the mother sign a document stating that she received the money, or replacement hat and is happy with the outcome. Date it.



I would do what ever you need to do to be done with them as quick as possible that I came out still looking like a decent person.

Answer 5

You handled it much friendlier than I would have. I give you kudos for trying to allow the boys to work it out, as well as offering to meet the mom half-way. IMO you should stand your ground, and stick with your original offer. If she wants that, great. If not, you keep $25.

My grandfather used to say if you loan a friend $20 and you never see them again, it was worth it. I think that applies here - for a small price you and your son are able to learn what kind of people these people are, and get them out of your life.

I hope this works out well for everyone involved, but if it doesn't, don't think twice about it. This mother/son pity party will strike more homes than just yours. Be glad you got off cheap. :)

Answer 6

I personally would of called the kid told him the hat was here and it's on the porch come get it. If he didn't TOUGH CRAP! He's out of luck! ;( That's VERY nice of you to offer to even pay 1/2! ADHD is a disability now? Then why didn't HIS mom come and get the darn hat???????? People these days have gotten WAY out of hand! Good Luck with this situation! ~T~

Answer 7

It is the childs responsibility to keep up with his things and parents should not spend lots of money on something that they from experience know will get lost unless its fastened to them. He should put his name and phone number in the hat and once called to retrieve it the ball is no longer in your court. My daughter things would wind up in a garbage can called lost and found and set out into the hallway in front of the office.How long did you keep this hat? How much of a best friend was he? Could the hat been hooked on a nail someplace in the garage?

Answer 8

Sue over $49 bucks hahahha that's so funny. And what decent judge takes the case? If he had numerous opportunities tell him he should've gotten it earlier, and tell his mom that her kid needs to be responsible for his own belongings. As for the XBOX, I wouldn't even let the kid at my house again. I can't believe people argue over crap like that.

Answer 9

i think you handled it right and i dont feel he should half to pay either if it was lefted there for more then 30 days and you gave notice it was then the whole possession is 9/10ths of the law thing kicks in gear it became legally yours after 30 days thats why storage units auction your stuff away after 30 days notice so fight it i would if it was so important he should of got it a long time ago dont pay 50 go out to eat instead lol

Answer 10

If someone is given ample time to claim an item and doesn't, you don't have to keep it forever. Three months is a long time, certainly long enough.

I think you were more than generous in offering for your son to pay half.