Please help me - I have never felt this low...?

Question

I have had a crush on a 24 year old I work with since we met in September. We quickly became close - we see each other outside of work, text, email, phone, exchange sentiments (he once told me I make him want to count stars), etc. It felt as though we must have met for a reason - I haven't been close to someone like that, and felt so connected on very real things, in a long time.
I just turned 29, and he was at my house for my birthday. He was super-affectionate, considerate, and very attentive to me. My friends, in fact, called the next day to say how sweet he'd been, and how much they liked him, and how he probably had no idea how I felt, because why wouldn't he have made a move by now?
On Monday, he insists on taking me to dinner for my birthday. He spends the time talking about the attractiveness of other women, discussing how you can love someone and then you can "love love" someone, and explaining how he's dying to meet someone.
It feels awful, like I'm being used or led on.

I feel like I have never felt so unattractive as when he listens to a girl be horrible to me (and to him) in conversation, and then she leaves and all he can say is, "She is fine. I wasn't even listening to what she said." It makes me feel small, insignificant, and to wonder what the HELL he wants with me. Even my closest friends don't ever make me feel like I'm not a girl.

And I don't know why he'd be so insistent that we spend time together (on my birthday of all days) only to hit me with that bullshit, excuse my language. It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I feel like I am in a terrible place to have to see him everyday and have this much pain.

Please help. Any advice, suggestions, slaps in the face are appreciated. It's hard to imagine that all this time, he's been pretending, that these things he said never really were true.

Answer 1

He sounds more like he is dropping a hint to you. How did you respond when he said that? Perhaps be bold and say look no further she's right here. I really think that was your cue to make a move and he's not really speaking to you about someone else but looking to see what you would say. When you IM him ask him how he would feel about falling love with a 29yr old woman? If you like this guy go for it and find some way to drop a hint to him.

Answer 2

Wow without being there it is hard to guess whether he was hinting at wanting to meet someone and really meaning he wanted someone in his life...like YOU or if he really likes you but doesn't feel you two in the long run will be a match. I think he has made a lot of attentive moves but is not sure if you are interested. Sometimes you get to be friends for so long that a relationship can get out of the perspective.
I think rather than keep going nuts over this, you should let him know that you like him. Period. You aren't going through any less pain feeling led on. Besides I don't really think someone who acts THAT attentive is leading you on. Your age difference (though it is small) may make him feel you would not want him.

He insisted on taking you out. Granted he mentioned other women's attractiveness and whatnot, but he could also be trying to be sure he isn't hurt either. Talk with him. Nothing ventured nothing gained. At the very least you will know what is going on.

Oh by the way...I am the last person who would suggest ANYONE go for it, unless I honestly thought you might have a good thing going. You two really may have something here. It may be just be a friendship or it could be more. My fiance and I started out as friends and both of us had serious crushes as it progressed but kept it to ourselves for a long time. I also have a friend who has been married for 14 years. She insists her and her husband never would have gotten together if one night she didn't just ask him what he wanted out of their friendship.

Either way...I do agree about not settling for a friends with benefits thing...not that you had any intention.

Answer 3

You know, a lot of guys are nervous about coming right out and saying how they feel about a woman for fear of being rejected. Sometimes they wait for the girl to make the first move. It sounds like he is hinting around that he likes you. Let him know! You might start a wonderful new relationship.

Let me tell you a story:

three years ago, there was some serious chemistry between me and my housemate. We became great friends. I had a crush on her, but I was afraid to make the first move, for fear she would be all uncomfortable around me. One day I checked my email to find an email from her with a cryptic subject line (i think it was "apartment info" or something like that). This is what the email said:
Just thought you should know, it's ok to hit on me if you want. And if you aren't interested, please disregard this email.

I responded with "It's ok to hit on me, too. You're cute!"

We have been together ever since; she is the love of my life. As soon as I can get a ring, I wil be proposing to her!

So let him know. Otherwise you both might miss out on a great reationship, for fear the other one isn't interested.

Peace out!

PS I didn't check my email until 3 days after she sent the message. At first she thought I was not interested and disregarding the email. Boy was she wrong!

Answer 4

Being a guy, I can tell you there's not much accounting for some of the things we do. At times, we're completely tactless and oblivious to things right in front of our eyes, and there's not any viable excuses for that sort of idiocy.

You have my sympathies concerning your problem, here...

And the only thing I can suggest is telling him how you feel. Even if all it does is affirm that he's an insensitive idiot, then at least you'll know how he feels on his side of the equation, and maybe that will make it easier to move on. And, I guess there's no harm is saying that it sounds to me like he doesn't know who he'd be missing out on.

And besides, if he's superficial enough to stare at some chick who's bad-mouthing both you and him, and he's not even listening to her closely enough to know what she's saying, then chances are probably pretty good that the superficiality runs deeper than maybe even he realizes. He might look like your Prince Charming, but I guess he's the toad instead.

Answer 5

ok, you're fairly suffering. first of all 6'a million'' is a o.k. top for a fella so thats properly. i think that there are various concerns that have long long previous incorrect with your existence and evaluate lost your ideas-set fairly badly. My suggestion may be to seem an experienced psychotherapist attempt UKCP cyber web internet site in case you're in england. ( a psychiatrist would have the ability to appropriate make certain you for scientific care and which could additionally be reachable, ask your wellbeing care provider to refer you)and make certain to a protracted time of working via those concerns. you want a trusted area with all people who knows of what they're doing that can assist you you via. You sound very unloved and uncertain approximately who you're and there might desire to be a clarification for this on your coming up up experience. this will additionally be helped.

Answer 6

I think he is trying to tell you that he could have any girl, but he is there with you. He is sending you a message. Make a move, take innitiative. It may be the best thing you ever did and you would never regret. He did say that you make him want to count stars. Heres your chance. Don't let it get away . Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Ok this guy makes no sense. I would feel the same way you do right now. He might be acting this way to test you or feel you out to see how you feel about him. He could think that you aren't interested in him that way. I think that you should ask him what his intentions are with you, and also let him know that you aren't one of his homies, and that you don't really care to hear his opinion on females. Your best bet is to find out why he is acting this way, only he knows. Good Luck

Answer 8

Maybe he's just oblivious to how you feel. Maybe he feels like you're out of his league (in the good way). That connection sounds like the beginning of a meaningful relationship, so maybe turn up the flirt factor when you go out to dinner.

Answer 9

girl dont you worry your pretty lil head off cause girl you know that you better than that and that you can rise above those senseless sayings about you . ALWAYS know that you better than that .And there AINT NOBODY that you should let bring such a wonderful young girl like you down .when you see him try to talk to him if it dont work the first try again if you getting the vibes he aint want nothing to do with you well............ tell hm kiss your pretty behind

Answer 10

Wrong attitude.When you were you're heart on your sleeve,you are easiy hurt.I think romeo is using you.For his own amusement.Of course he came to your birthday party.He got to meet all YOUR friends.Why would'nt he insist he take you to dinner,probably trying to get info on his next challenge.Or if he's only trying to make you jealous,he's succeeding.Why would he continue with this charade.Fight back,tell he's behaving badly and you expect respect.