When is the proper time to have children?

Question

I'm 20, my husband and I will be married 2 years in august. I can't get out of my mind how much I want children. He doesn't think we are financially ready, but alot of friends tell me that we'll never be financially ready. I can't help I'm ready . I just can't get it off of my mind? Any suggestions?

Answer 1

It's a big step for both of you. You may not ever feel financially ready, but there will be costs involved so you need to at least be financially stable with good health insurance. You never know what health problems that baby will come out with....I cannot complain because so many babies out there have illnesses much more serious than my son, but he had reflux, torticollis and now battle asthma, and isn't even three yet. His asthma is so severe we had to get a nebulizer machine and tons of meds to keep at home so we didn't have to rush him to the ER all the time. But a recent flare up of his cost us $100. He just woke up one morning really bad and boom, we had to shell it out to get him well (with the doctor copay, the antibiotics that only came in name-brand, etc.). Anyway, all I'm saying is that you and your husband both need to be ready, and you should have some sort of financial cushion so you will be able to take care of that baby properly.

Answer 2

I waited until I was 25 and much more mature. You will be amazed how a few more years will make you that much more prepared. Also, you may be ready...but your husband doesn't sound like he is. You don't want to go forward with something as major as this without both agreeing on the right time.

Your friends are technically right about never being financially ready, but you should sit your husband down and set a time. I have a two year old son right now and we are waiting for one more year before we start trying for our second one. The decisions we have made have been mutual and as a result, we were both ready and happy when the time came.

So I suggest you compromise by waiting a while longer...but in turn, you need to get your husband to commit to a time, regardless of whether you are financially ready or not. For example, I always said that I was going to have a child by the time I was 25 and I did.

Answer 3

If your husband is not ready don't go there. There's a trust issue here, even if it was an accident would he still think you tricked him into fatherhood?.

Another thing is the cost of kids. Just to name a few:

- Diapers (6-10 a day), diaper cream, shampoo, baby bath
- Formula if you can't breastfeed(we could use Costco's
brand so it ONLY cost us $3 a day)
- Baby food (6+ months) probably another $2-3 a day,

Bringing day to day must have expenses to more than $10.

More sporadic cost would be:
- Clothes, are you OK with Walmart stuff or are you
dreaming of Baby Gap outfits.
- Crib, stroller, car seat, changing arrangement (just the
basics will run you minimum of $1000 and our changing
table is a changing pad on our bathroom counter top that,
lucky for us, are big enough for it)
- Medical bills for having the baby (check into your insurance,
we have a good one and it still cost us $600).

Other questions would be:
- How would you be able to handle if the pregnancy has any
complications?
- Have you ever discussed you and your husbands visions of
what will be when you become a family? What if you are not
in agreement on some issues, how are you going to handle
it.

Can you answer all these questions. "It's not going to happen to me" or " God will make sure everything alright" is not a good answer... I learned that the hard way after 2 years of pregnancy related issues.

Live a little, get an education (if you haven't already), spend some time with your husband exploring the world, work and build up your savings, finances and credit score so you're in a better situation when the time comes.

I am all for waiting until somewhere between 25 and 30. You will never be entirely financially ready, but that's no excuse for going into it with closed eyes and no research.

Could you get your baby fix (pardon my wording) somewhere else? If you have friends with little ones I bet you be the star if you offer yourself up as an occasional babysitter :-) or even better buy a puppy, if you can't handle training it and take care of it's every need you are nowhere near ready to be a mother.

In the end it's up to you and your husband. Just don't get pregnant purposely accidental, absolutely nothing good will ever come out of that!!!! Remember this is your last time to set yourself first, when baby comes you will be second priority for a long, long time.

Answer 4

When the two of you can agree on it without you nagging him into it. Do you have a career, a job, or do you stay at home and get bored? There are a number of things that go into the decision to have children and yes, financial security is one of them. Another is that you need to be a couple and enjoy it for a while because having children stresses you as a couple. I waited to get married until my wife was out of college, so she was 22 and I was 24. We enjoyed life together for four years before we started. My question is, what's your rush? Do you have nothing else to do in the meantime? Not being able to keep it off your mind is an out-of-control sexual urge, and no different than when a guy can't keep his mind off sex. The end result of pregnancy doesn't make it "noble." You and your husband didn't discuss this before you got married and now you have to. But if you can't compromise or if either one feels they've been pressured, it isn't going to do the marriage any good. Remember that it's much worse to do the marriage no good with kids involved.

You've been ready since you were at least 15 and you'll probably be just as ready for the next 20 years. If you rush it because you're horny for a baby, you'll probably regret it.

Answer 5

Whenever it feels right is always a nice way to go about it, however, you also have to consider your husband's reasonings. Your friends are wrong when they say you'll "never" be financially ready. You will be. You need to be able to support the child in the present AND future.

Best thing I can think of suggesting, if you're absolutely sure you want children as soon as possible, is go estimating. Figure out your budget, go somewhere simple..wal-mart for example, and estimate the cost of just HAVING the child. Then, estimate the cost of the first few years, and consider what will happen in that time. Places you may want to visit, how much you'll make, etc. Think about whether or not you can support your child if you have another. Also, consider their education.

Having children does cost a lot, and you should be financially stable before making such a huge commitment. Don't hurt your child because you're so anxious. If you need to wait a couple of years, then I suggest doing so. If your child will be best off that way, then that's the absolute best route to go.

Best of luck!!!!

Answer 6

I fell in love with my husband at 18 and have been with him for 18 years. We got married when I turned 30 and started trying to have a baby right away. It took 4 years to have my first and now I am prego with my second at 36. i think that 30 is a great age because you really get to know who you are in your 20's. We didn't get married young because we said that we wanted to get through college first. We traveled alot and really got secure in our relationship before having the baby, i think that is more important that being financially secure. I do think that the two of you should concentrate on your education and earn a degree. That will help you be more secure financially in the long run. The more expierences you have to share with you kid the better off he will be. Just remember, emotional security is the most important factor for raising a happy well adjusted child. so if you need to do some growing up first, wait to have the baby. Most women have children from 25 and up and the more education a woman has generally she is even older. I think 20 is too young. The only advantage of having kids young is that you have more energy and you skin is more elastic. I hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 7

Being a parent is the largest responsibility you will every face next to your own religious beliefs. It IS true that (unless your a millionaire or richer that is) you will never be truly financially ready for a child(or more!). If YOU are ready, then you're ready. BUT!!!! If your husband isn't ready, then he's not ready!!! DON'T FORCE THE ISSUE WITH HIM!! It will only drive him away from you emotionally! Talk to him about your feelings about all this. Let him know that yes, YOU'RE ready and willing to become a mother(remember, only a really woman can be a mommy!). Soon enough, he'll change his mind and start thinking about kids too.

Answer 8

1) When you have your debts paid off, out of college, in a solid job (for at least a year--you can get maternity leave), AND have money saved up for the birth AND the baby. You may never really be financially ready, but there's more prepared than not. If you can, wait a year.

2) Although you're married, I would a few years for your body to mature a bit. Also, strengthen your relationship with your husband. The stronger your relatinoship, the stronger it will be during difficult times.

3) Take at least a year to prepare your body--get down to a healthy weight, start to regular exercise, and eat healthier.

4) You're 20. You have PLENTY of time to have children! Even though you are ready, just take your time. Adopt a dog. A cat. Get your mind off kids. Savor this time you have together. Kids are great, but they also change your life forever.

Answer 9

I got married at 18 and we talked about having a baby a year later and my husband said the same thing about finances. We'll a year and 1/2 later I was pregnant. I was on the pill. I didnt get pregnant on purpose It was unplanned but I was very happy and my hubby worried the whole pregnancy about money. Babies do cost quite a bit of money but Im a stay at home mommy and were dong great. We had to give up a few things. Like my shopping or going out to eat alot. Movies and other stuff get cut out too but Its totally worth it. No ones ever ready for baby but you can do it. I dont know whta to tell you. Im already wanting baby 2 and my hubby says no. i have 1 semester of school left before I get my diploma and Im going back in the fall to get it and then a new job. My hubby wants to wait untill our daughter is 3 and I said 1 so we comprimised nd have decided 2 years old. We'll decide again if were ready then. Maybey you can set a time limit. Like ask him how long do you want to wait? If he says untill were financillay ready ask him" When do you think that will be?" If he says I dont know? Then say Honey I really want to become a mom. I want to be able to do things with our kids while were young. I need to know about how long it will be. Hopefully he says 1-2 years.

Answer 10

me too! I'm 20 and we'll be married 2 years in July. (21 by then) We got pregnant on our honeymoon, and we have a 1 year old. I don't know your situation, but our son costs about $400-$500 a month when he was first born because of formula, daycare is also expensive. Does he make enough to support him, yourself, and a baby? My husband already had a great job when we got married, so I haven't worked since. We paid about $1500 or a little more in bills when my son was born, plus you need so many things for a baby. Save about $3000 before you have your little one.