am i stupid to be panicking about finding pictures of his ex wife and 'marital' cats?they are not rude or anything, but just pictures of their little 'family' that he said he wanted to leave behind him.
one of my mates says its nothing, and that he is allowed memories of his past, but another said to throw a wobbly. i am quite stuck at the mo as to what to do. Do i wait til he comes home, and have a go, or do i let it go over my head and carry on as normal? i need some solid advice,...
2007-04-26 10:18:05 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he has no kids, just cats!
2007-04-26 10:39:01 · update #1
you cant do nothing about his past, it made him who he is today. dont try to erase it, just accept it and love what he does today and does for you
2007-04-26 10:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by jacey a 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, he was married and he has a past like everyone else. He has a right to keep those pictures, I am not saying that they should be framed and hanging on the wall, but he should be able to keep them in an album or box somewhere in his home. Did you not go to dances with people in high school, do you still have your prom pictures, they are memories and that is all. You should not make a fuss about this, you will come off as being possessive and start something that you dont want to.
2007-04-26 10:23:34 · answer #2 · answered by Purple_passion2805 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, let's see: may I use my own situation as an example? Good - see, my first wife and I had four kids and a nice life for a good dozen years before it all began to unravel. We divorced nineteen years ago and I remarried, and helped raise two more kids (stepchildren). I have always maintained that hostility between my ex and myself is counterproductive. She and I remained responsible for those four kids until they reached their majorities and went out on their own. Now, I do have one photo of my ex. I keep it where I can see it occasionally, to remind myself of those first dozen good years. And those were good years! It also reminds me that maintaining civil relations with her has prevented some of the ugliness we see in so many similar situations every day. My ex and I cannot be together, and would not want to be together - but we're still linked by those children. Now there are two granddaughters - who have to keep track of the fact that they've both got three grandmas and not just two!
So: am I wrong to keep that photo of my ex? I'm very, very devoted to my current wife and she knows about the photo and in fact says it is perfectly okay with her.
2007-04-26 10:29:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's a really difficult thing to deal with, my boyfriend has pictures of his ex too, but that's all they are. Just memories. You can't erase the past, but things change and you have to live in the present!
It's even more difficult if you're the type who likes to eradicate everything of a former life - I've been married too and had to get rid of everything, including all pictures. But that's because I also hate my ex (like one of the other posters here). People just have different ways of dealing with things.
2007-04-26 10:29:19 · answer #4 · answered by finch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you have anything to worry about. I have pictures of my ex. Not that I look at them regularly but I still have them. I keep them in an album, I wouldnt say hidden but not out in the open either.
As long as hes not showing any other signs of weird behavior I would just let it go. You cant tell me that you dont have pictures of old boyfriends or anything like that somewhere? Its just memories. Leave it at that.
2007-04-26 10:25:01 · answer #5 · answered by phnxfrhwk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you like to keep pictures?
Pictures are used to help remember the good and the bad. You don't know why he has kept them. As long as he is not talking to her on the phone or stopping by her place after work, whats the harm in a few pictures. He might really miss the cats.
2007-04-26 10:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by clutchdoc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you blow up, whether right or wrong, it is OVER.
Do you want that?
If you have a question, ask it. But in a calm, non-threating manner.
If your relationship has been troubled as of late, you may feel threatened. But understand, these are pictures of a "past" love, a "past" life. Key word is PAST.
No man, no person for that matter, likes to be accused of doing wrong, especially if innocent.
Good luck.
2007-04-26 10:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by Ryno 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carry on as usual. It is normal to keep pictures, and it does not mean he wants to be with her. Your friend is right, your man is allowed memories of his past. And that is all it is, just memories. Don't let them make you feel insecure. And, if you did throw a tantrum and make him throw them out, he could resent you for it.
2007-04-26 10:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by tangerine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let it bother me. They're divorced. Now, if something doesn't feel right, like they might be talking or something, then that's a different story. But realistically, I bet you have ex boyfriends you think of from time to time, and if you had a picture of them, it wouldn't mean a darn thing, right?
It's JUST a picture. She can't come alive and jump him when you're not there. :) Definitely not worth making bad blood with him. Pick your battles wisely, Hon.
2007-04-26 10:24:48 · answer #9 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they're just photos at the end of the day. do you really feel they're worth an argument over? i hate my ex, truly hate him yet i still have a valentine he sent me once, it doesnt mean anything. ppl will have memories without photos and you cant cleanse his mind. maybe he looks back and is happy is out of the situation. i'd worry more if they was rude but they sound innocent, by all means mention them and gauge his reaction but dont go in all guns blazing and cause a big stupid argument.
2007-04-26 10:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are they naked? If they are send me some copies!
Bad taste, I know. Set the pictures on the dining room table, and when he sits down, say nothing. If it's something to worry about, then you may be closer to finding out. Read his reactions.
Don't send the pictures of the cats.
2007-04-26 10:44:09 · answer #11 · answered by Bigdog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋