When a couple takes on the responsibility of raising a child shouldn't they stay married, regardless of....

Question

feelings.... Granted if abuse is present whether physical or mental, this would do no one good.

However, if two people are simply not happy anymore...shouldn't they at least stay together for the children?

Shouldn't people put more thought into having children...and only have them if they are in a healthy relationship?

Shouldn't your own concerns become secondary when you have a child...and the best interest of the child be primary?

Aren't we to love each other and our children as God loves the church?

Didn't God die for his children...so, shouldn't a couple at least stay together for theirs? Again, within reason...if it is in the best interest of the child.

Answer 1

Yes, of course.

Divorce for selfish reasons, or "we've just grown apart" is wrong.

Divorce for infidelity or abuse is another matter entirely.

Answer 2

Kids are smarter than you give them credit for being. They know when something isn't right in a marriage. They also aren't getting the best example of a healthy relationship if two people are staying in the marriage 'for the children'. Imagine the kind of guilt and psychological damage that would inflict on the child. Suddenly you've just let the child know that it's THEIR fault the parents are unhappy. I don't think too many people could pull off the amount of deception necessary that the children wouldn't pick up on the misery in that house.

Divorce doesn't mean both parents are not still responsible for the child or children, either. One of my brothers is divorced and both he and his ex are very much involved in their children's lives. They also are so much happier away from each other that the children are much better behaved. Those kids felt the tension in that household and responded the only way a child can respond - rebellion.

Yes, people should put more thought into having children before they do it. Just because their relationship is healthy in 1990 doesn't mean it will still be healthy in 2007, though. Things change and people grow and evolve - not always for the better, either.

~Morg~

Answer 3

how is it in the best interest of the child for two people who no longer love each other to stay together..you do realize the child will sense the tension and chances are since the parents don't get along they are going to argue some more than others but is it fair to the child to be subjected to verbal abuse? is that a good example to set for children of how a happy marriage works? what about if one of the parents is cheating? should they stay together anyway? is that a good example that daddy or mommy comes home at 4 am smelling like somebody elses perfume and cheap alcohol? if the parents can't get along it is in no way a good environment to raise a child anyone who disagrees obviously has never been raised in that type of setting and has never been in that situation as an adult. maybe it was a healthy relationship but people grow apart people change and they don't always change together..my theory is no relationship lasts forever...you can have a good long run but forever is only a word.. there is one big difference is your statement of god loving his children and us doing the same...GOD is perfect...humans are not we make mistakes and we have to live with those mistakes and it is in no way fair to the children to have to live in a home with parents who can't stand each other..all that is going to do is make the child think that is how a relationship is supposed to work and what does teachthe next generation? It also subconsciounsly causes these kids to grow up to be insecure in relationships and self destructors because they are afraid that all marrriages will be like that of their parents..but if the parents can seperate civilly and remarry or find hapiness it gives hope to those kids and shows that even parents make mistakes and even though they were in love with each other and love that child people change and it shows kids that there is always another chance at happiness.

Answer 4

I'm Catholic. I do not believe 2 people who loathe, hate or simply do not get along should stay married, no...reason being, "for the kid's sake". Children brought up in an unhappy home stand a worse chance of a happy future than a child from a broken home. How could they? The child might then be used as a scapegoat(you are the reason I am so miserable),not in so many words but it comes across to the child.
Add abuse in the mix and it is therefore UNTHINKABLE. I know, I've lived it.

Answer 5

You're probably preaching to the choir here. Yes, they should put not only their children's welfare first, but also their own marriage vows before God Almighty Himself that they'd stay together no matter what. Unfortunately, humans are not always noble that way, and some think there's nothing wrong with getting married and having kids (not necessarily in that order, if at all) and them simply deciding, Oops! Never mind! I'm bored with it all or I've found someone better/younger. Those that don't value their own integrity probably don't much value their kids' welfare, either.

Again, we're talking about situations other than where there is physical or emotional abuse.

Answer 6

I definitely don't believe people should stay together just for the children. If you continue to be unhappy the children will notice. There's nothing worse than waking up to your parents fighting all the time, trust me. I do think however only one parent should have primary custody. It is easier for the child not to be shuffled around to a different house a couple times a week. Also, if you stay together just for the children you begin to resent the fact that you had children. That if I didn't have children I could be with someone I truly love. I just think you should do what's best for yourself and the children will much happier if your happy with your living situation.

Answer 7

No no no no! That is the worse possible thing, for the parents and the children, that anyone could do! If they stay together only for the children, all the children learn is that marriage has nothing to do with love and is an awful obligation that leads to misery. If the parents are unhappy, chances are the child will become unhappy too. I am so glad my parents got divorced, it would have been a nightmare otherwise.

Answer 8

Being raised in home where you have to be the go-between for parents who hate each other is not healthy for any child. Can you imagine being raised in a house with so little happiness? That would leave any child with long-term issues regarding love and parental interaction. The child would probably grow up to stay trapped in an equally cold relationship because he or she didn't know much better.

Answer 9

Did you know that psychological studies have shown that it is harmful to be in an environment where ones role models and peers do not get along. Now if a child is raised in an environment where the parents dont love one another and dont get along, then this causes the child anxiety, stress, feelings that they caused the parent's issues. Children are just as affected with living in an unwelcome, unloving atmosphere as they are with divorce. Also the child will feel pressure/anxiety to keep both parents happy..otherwise they will feel inadequate or a failure. No child should have the burden of their parent's marriage on their shoulders.

Answer 10

God hasn't promised us a world without challenges. The good news is that he has made provision for us to overcome all temptations regardless of the magnitude.
The prescriptioin that the Bible has provided is in Ephesians 5 i guess from verse 20 downwards. Love from the husband to the wife and submission on the part of the wife. However, pray wholeheartedly for your spouse and never miss any oportunity to be appreciative and use kind words. you will be amazed at the results. Keep doing what it right regardless of the feedback you get if you do not relent you are sure to win.

Answer 11

Honestly,

That needs to start BEFORE Marriage, so many people get married without really considering what they are entering into, "Until Death Do Us Part" is turning into "Until I get tired of being Married"

It should start off as a true pledge and BOTH people should be prepared for the Good, the Great, and the not so Great times. Sure Divorce happens, and people change, but we should not have a 50% Divorce rate.

I think we as a society have become to self-centered to really care enough about others, including our own children.

Our Grandparents had it right, and they were happy.

Peace!