We both really do not want to go.His brother is jumping into a doomed marriage with a witch of a girl(I know this personally, she used to be my roomate). No one on his side of the family likes her.She has a free ride, and he would never leave her(he's never had a gf before,so he's hooked).They fight alot according to other family members and he's called crying to his mom/dad a few times after.We had a bbq last summer and she wouldn't let him man the grill cuz "he'd screw it up".They can't manage their money at all and have borrowed over $3000 from his dad over the last 2 years and haven't even started to pay him back, even though he lost his job.She even argued with his dad about the amount that they owe! & she wants a huge $17,000 wedding and she only works part time.I think they only got engaged for the fun of it,which was Aug/ 2005,and the wedding isn't supposed to be until Aug/2008,3 years! She's even planning on asking for $ for gifts, so they can afford their London honeymoon.
2007-04-26 06:36:30 · 20 answers · asked by Aimee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Say you don't support this union and therefore you won't attend. No big deal-- you and your husband are adults, so no one can force you to do what you don't want to do. But if the wedding isn't for another year, I wouldn't worry about it even happening.
2007-04-26 06:41:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I agree his soon to be wife seems like a treasure. Has your husband or any other family members talked to him about and expressed their opinions regarding his wife and subsequent marriage? If not that would be the first step, tell him you care about him and you see this girl as trouble. List examples, whatever you have to do. However if this was already done, and you're brother-in-law still chooses to marry this girl, it's his choice. I think it would be a huge mistake not be a groomsman or attend the wedding. You're brother-in-law will resent this fact and hold it against his brother and you. It's his choice and he made it, all that's left is for you to stand by him regardless of what choice he made, that's what family does. You don't have to agree with him, it's about supporting him. I know you don't agree with the wedding and he might be better off not going through it, it is however his choice and he's made it, he has to own up to any repercussions. Good Luck but I hope you see the light and support your brother in what he does, we all make bad decisions if you can't convince him other-wise then support him and by all means don't give him the "I told you so" afterwards.
2007-04-26 06:47:38 · answer #2 · answered by jay k 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel. However, if your husband loves his brother he will agree to attend the wedding and be a groomsman. I agree with you about the "bride" and I am sure if they do get married, he will be doomed to a life of misery. But he is still your husbands brother and he can be there for him.
This woman sounds totally NUTS. Pray they break up before the wedding.
2007-04-26 06:58:29 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it until it actually comes up. When is does come up simply state that you do not agree with the upcoming nuptials and will not attend. You can't get any more clear then saying that. Expect drama and ugly words to come flying but you're adults and it's your decision. Why go and be supportive? I would also not send money - a nice card and a cookbook or something like that.
2007-04-26 07:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your husband should tell his brother anything, and I think he needs to go to his brothers wedding, period! It's not you or your husbands business or decision who his brother marries. He is supposed to be there to support him. If it's not meant to be, then fine, the relationship will end, but it's not you or your husbands place to call that.
If your husband doesn't show up or be a groomsmen in his brothers wedding, he is going to regret it big time. 20 years from now if they are still married, and they pull out the wedding pictures, your husband will be reminded that his selfishness made him miss that special day with his brother. Put your personal feelings aside, and be there for your brother in law.
It's NOT like you two not showing up at the wedding is going to make the wedding NOT happen, so why even put your brother in law through that extra stress for nothing??? They will get married with our without you there, so why not just be there?
It really ticks me off when people do things like this to their family members because the family member is doing something that YOU don't agree with. It's not about you and your husband, it's about your brother in law and his soon to be wife.
2007-04-26 06:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by CJ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that regardless of who he's marrying, its his life. But your husband is his brother and if your own family doesnt back you up who will. I think your husband should be in the wedding, you should both attend the wedding and always remember that even though you think that these two will not be married long, your husband and his brother will be brothers for life and that will never change.
2007-04-26 07:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should be able to be honest with his brother and tell him he is not comfortable being in the wedding and his reasons why. Even though you are married and she was your room mate I think you should stay out of it as this is between the brothers. Your husband is a grown man and I am sure he can speak to his brother with out you adding fuel to the fire. Keep your feelings between you and your husband
regardless of how you feel about her it's not your place. Let him deal with his family.
2007-04-26 07:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what it is like to be in your brother-in-law shoes, and there is nothing you can do to stop his wedding. He is going to have to that make that decision all by himself. If, as you said, the marriage is doomed, then when it is all over he is going to need his family's support. The last thing he is going to need is "I told you so." If your husband doesn't want to be in the wedding, that is his right, but wedding aren't about the groomsmen, they are about the bride and groom. Even if you don't like the bride, he should still love his brother enough to support him, if not his marriage. Whatever your husband's decision is, he needs to be grown up about telling his brother. If he doesn't like the consequences, then maybe he should reconsider his decision.
2007-04-26 06:58:45 · answer #8 · answered by wrayrae99 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, if you plan on having children, don't you think it would be nice for them to have an uncle? It sounds like now is when he needs support from family more than ever and everyone is turning their backs. I hope they have the happiest marriage of all time in the whole world and they get the chance to turn their backs on you when you're down so that you know how it feels. Your husband needs to give him some brotherly advice, not alienate him because he thinks he's made a mistake. It's one thing to not agree, but something entirely different to not support. I'm glad you're not in my family.
2007-04-26 06:51:01 · answer #9 · answered by mikehunt29 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're the one who sounds like you are being a "witch of a girl"...and that is being nice. It is his brother's decision, and did you ever stop to think that its possible that someone out there could fall in love with this girl that you cannot stand? Here is a crazy idea...why dont you try being supportive.
If I had family members like you, Im pretty sure I would kill myself!
2007-04-26 07:03:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So much for the idea of family!
I know why I personally have no family, that's my evil mother, who put principle and pride before people.
Sounds like oyu will doom this poor man, and maybe any children you and hubby have, to a nasty life of loneliness too.
Would be nice to say it better, but the person three answers down already did it that way.
2007-04-26 06:46:31 · answer #11 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋