My 3 1/2 yr. old made some serious allegations....What should I do?

Question

Last night I was giving my 2 lil ones a bath when my 3 1/2 yr. old told me she had a "BOYFRIEND". I told her that lil girls didn't have boyfriends.....She then told me her boyfriend was "V" who is the sitters god-son. I thought it was wierd so I started to ask her what she did with her boyfriend, I also asked her if her boyfriend touched her......she said "YES" I asked if he touched her in her private and she said "YES" and on her "BUBIES" I freaked out and called my mom and my mother-in-law, I also talked to the sitter and she asured me that the girls are never left alone or unatended, and I know the sitter loves my kids and my kids love her, and her family.....Should I jump to conclusions or should I talk to her more. I'm taking my baby to the Pediatrician so she can get checked today. I'm soooo worried, about her. I myself was molested by my sitters son, when I was about 6 yrs old.

Answer 1

I understand your concern! I'm afraid, though, that asking leading questions like that may have made it easy for her to say "yes" if nothing actually happened that was inappropriate. Not that you meant to do that - I have been in your shoes, and can imagine what was going on in your head.

I think you need to have a trained professional speak with her, ASAP, to get their opinion on her story. Then, if need be, you can deal with what has happened. Better safe than sorry - I would not dismiss the issue, and if it were me I would probably find a new sitter immediately, just to be sure. What you tell the sitter is irrelevant - but your goal is to make sure your kids are safe, at any price/inconvenience.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

I think that taking her to the doctor for a checkup is the right thing to do so they can take a look at her genitals and see if there is any physical evidence of molestation. Then, go from there as to whether or not you take her to a therapist. What is an absolute must is that you find other child care. I don't want to sound at all judgemental here so please do not take this wrong. It is precisely because of things such as this that I take my child to a daycare instead of leaving her in someone's home. That isn't to say that molestation doesn't happen in a daycare setting, however, with all of the oversight in daycare settings I would venture to say it happens less often. There are many daycares that have cameras so that you can check in on your kids via internet anytime you wish. Also, the children are placed with other kids of the same age. It is when you have children with large gaps in age all in the same setting that this type of thing is more prone to occur in my opinion. Anyway, don't beat yourself up over this. It may not have happened but whether it did or not you really have to take her somewhere else. You know that. You sound like a good mom and it will be okay and she will be okay. I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 3

Okay here's the deal. I ask my 3 1/2 year old questions and I always get a different answer. Just like this morning, he pulled the loaf of bread off the counter and it fell outta the bag and in the floor. After explaining to him not to mess with stuff on the counter I asked him are you going to do that again and he said Yes Mama I will do it again. Which is basically him say I won't do it again but he hasn't figured out hwo to say it so it did it the best way he knows how.
Now to your problem. #1 You were asking the wrong questions. I can ask my son if someone in nursery touched his pee pee and he's going to say yes because sometime he needs help with his aiming. Its not that he's been molested but he's been helped along with the bathroom process. How old is this V guy? If he's older older then he may have been helping her get her pants back on from going to the bathroom and cleaning her shirt off after she got done eating. That right there is him touch her boobies and her private areas.... And if this V guy is just 5 years old. I'm sorry but he's just exploring the territory. He knows your daughter is different from him. How do you know that they weren't in the bathroom looking at each other? What if she touched his pee pee? Is that her molesting him? No you would write that off as her being inquizitive. So before you jump to conclusions and ruin this guy's life, sit down with the babysitter and explain everything to her. And then talk to the guy. Its going to be obvious if he's lying about it and then go from there. I hope this works out for you and your daughter in the end, but think about this guy before you go to the cops or anything like that.

Answer 4

There's no point saying so now, as it is too late...but you should never have put words into your daughter's mouth. Children are very impressionable-this is why so many children 'see ghosts'. A child says a nonsense throw-away commetn and adults question them, using closed questions. Before they know it they believe their child to be psychic. An example: a child says 'I saw a man in my room'. Could've been a shadow/imaginary friend or a dream. Parents show lots of interest, which child likes and so they start lying. Parent asks "Is he there all the time?' 'Is he there at night?' 'Is he transparent', etc. Child answers yes yes! Parent then says 'do you think he might be a ghost?' Child says 'yes, he said he was dead! Drawing on knowledge that the child could have gained from the playground or tv.

You really need to ask open questions when your child comes to you with something like that. For example, your child tells you 'I have a boyfriend.' you say 'what do you do with your boyfriend?' Then leave it. Not 'does he touch you.' Most children these days have at least some knowledge of what adults do, sexually. We may not like it but it is everywhere in the media. If your child is playing at having a boyfriend she may be just play speaking.

That's not to say that your child has NOT been molested. It is a possibility, but it is likely that you are projecting fears from your own childhood onto your child. Remeber, allegations like this are very serious and just as a molestation could ruin your child's life, a false allegation like this could ruin the son's life.

Tread very carefully. Good luck.

Answer 5

Wether this actually occured or not isn't the issue. Your child told you specifics of touching (bubies). This should tell you that you need to find alternative child care and speak with the parents of other children that use your sitter. This is definitely not something that should be taken lightly. I have also been molested as a child but no one believed me, I then resented those who did nothing about it. Take charge and do something.

Answer 6

First of all how old is the sitters god-son....if he is the same age it could very well have happened but they are just imitating what mom and dad does or what they see on tv....talk to them but don't worry to much about it...if he is older then you need to worry and talk to that kids PARENTS not the sitter....and have your child talk to a pro...many times kids are more honest with a professional that a parent...hope everything turns out to be ok.

Answer 7

I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. I have a 3 1/2yr old myself and she comes up with some doosies! lol
But I do not mean dismiss this completely. Try to get her to talk to you a little bit more about it. Find out if the sitter actually does sometimes leave them unattended. See what she says about this. Definitely go to the Dr. see what they can tell you. If nothing else for your peace of mind change sitters.

Answer 8

i would defineitly be worried but i would also NOT keep bringing it up and keeping this fresh in her mind. she is 3 and doesnt need to worry and think about things like that all the time. make sure your conversations with adults are in private about this situation because kids are always listening, even when you think they are not. also you may have coaxed some of these answers out of her, you may also not have. you may lead her to an answer than by her following your cues. by asking her about her privates she may have thought that you were looking for a yes answer by your tone, expressions etc. all kids touch other kids(arms, hands etc) so this may be what she meant. by possibly about her privates, you may be escalating this situation into something its not.
every case is different and a doctor will tell if abuse has happened(penetration)
show up at unannounced times to the sitter and keep a very close eye. if your instints say to get out of that sitter than please do. our instints are usually right. and you cant be too careful with you kids.
one more thing...if someone was hurting her she would most likely not like this person, so try to ask her if she is his friend and if they play nice together after you pick her up. but dont press sexual issues with her she is far too young.

Answer 9

I can see where you would be worried....If you are taking her to the ped. I would wait to see if they see anything.

It's possible that your daughter answered "YES" because you asked the direct question about the areas and she didn't know any better (if she's in a "yes" stage or something.) I'm not saying she lied or that it didn't happen, I'm just saying it's a possiblitiy.....maybe she thought it was a fun game -- the questions she was asked. Or maybe she's seen stuff on TV that prompted her answers.

If the pediatrician finds any evidence of anything, then definately take it to the next step. Ask the pediatrician what that step would be.

Good luck and I hope it's not true.

Answer 10

If I were you i would pick a time that your sitter is not expecting you to be there and show up and see what is really going on there. I would keep talking to your little girl. And it never hurts to have her checked out if it will give you some comfort given your past situation Good Luck!