this drives me crazy, how about you?

Question

I hate when people try to tell me how to raise my son. he's only 2 months old people tell me everything im doing wrong and everything i should do next. last week i was at my sister in law house ( i love her like a sis and i know she doesnt mean it) she like hes hungrey , as if im going let him strave or he needs to be change i think hes too warm or he doesnt want that or why are you doing that. first of all i know when hes hungrey its not like im going to let him starve.
well i was at the mall and I was pushing my son in a stroller, this lady who worked was looking at my son and she said", why isnt he back any further why is he sitting like that you should lay him down more. first of all i would but it wont go any further. and also my son was waking up and he was moving and she said you better watch him because he can choke i think he was choking hes uncomfortible.first of all the seat belt doesnt reach he head i woul have to put him upside down and put the seat belt over his head

Answer 1

Ah, welcome to motherhood! Grin & bear it - that's the best I can tell you.

But every so often a grain of information sneaks through that may be of interest. Listen, nod, and say "thanks" even if you don't mean it.

Answer 2

This will probably upset you but I will say it anyway. Based on the grammar of your question and the train of thought behind it, you sound like a very young mom or uneducated at best. Since you are probably young, they probably realize that you don't have much experience with babies- maternal instincts will only take you so far. There is much much more to learn. When someone gives you advice, they are trying to help - perhaps they have a bit more experience and are telling you these things so you know them. My advice: listen to what others are telling you and get an education so your child will have a chance.

Answer 3

Isn't that absolutely annoying?! It happens every so often for people to give you unwanted advice. And we really can't explain to everybody all the reasons why we are doing exactly all we are doing. And we always have reasons. It seems like our minds are always on the go to decide what is best for our children and we do know better because we spend 24 hours, 7 days a week with them. So people are just plain wrong. But unfortunately we can't tell them that. In cases like that I just smile or I pretend that I didn't hear. And I don't think much about it afterwards - why would I need yet another thing to trouble my overbusy mind?!

Answer 4

Sometimes people don't realize they are upsetting you, some people just think that if they give you advice they are helping you, try not to take anything personal against your mothering, I know it hurts you feelings but try to smile and go on your way. If you are young and a first time mother you may feel like it is insults, but later on you will probably catch yourself doing the same thing, just enjoy your baby because they grow up too fast!

Answer 5

Uhhh, no everyone has become these professional parents and everything thing they say is written in gold!
I know where you are coming from and it is so aggrevating, yet I understand it is because they care but they to soon forget what it was like to be a new parent. Listen, take everything with a grain of salt, you will know what works for you. It isn't like they spend 24/7 a day with your child. You know your child best, and parenting is all trial and error. Accept the advise and brush it off! It will happen for the rest of your life, I still get it and my daughter is six. I figure, hey I must be doing something right she is still alive!

So, good luck!

p.s.. I think the baby is hungry, or his./her diaper is wet....LOL

Just had to throw it in!

Answer 6

I honestly don't think that everyone means to over-step their boundaries, but so many people do. I have learned, since my daughter is 11 months old, that you need to stop these people or they will continue. My dad used to be really bad, and I finally sat him down and told him that she was MY daughter, and that regardless of what he thinks, I know what to do and if I have any questions I would go to him. He was mad at first, but now he is great. And he only says anything when I ask for it. As for the strangers, you don't know them so tell them to shove it....tell them thanks but you know what you are doing. Or just ignore them and walk away. Don't let it stress you out tho...you are doing fine, you obviously know what is best, and this is a problem that every mother has encountered one time or another!~

Answer 7

That reminds me of a story a coworker told me when I was pregnant. Every year she and her husband attend his family reunion in August. The first year she had a baby people kept asking where his blanket was. It was ninety-five degrees in the shade. He didn't need a blanket. After that, she took all advice with a grain of salt. If it fit in the "baby blanket" pile she ignored it. Just smile, say thankyou, and go on and do what you know is right.

Answer 8

You better be careful because you will be one of them OLD people as you put it.They don't mean any harm,did you ever think they have lived a lot longer then you and that they no a little bit more then you do. You are a little bit to sensitive for your own good. Lori, you need to read your question over again. Stop being so paranoid. By the way,when I had my son I had my mother in-law that lived across the street from me,telling me everyday what I was doing wrong but I just took it,I just told her how I wanted to do it and that was that.Maybe that is what you need to do.

Answer 9

People always want to put in their thoughts. Just say Thank you and go on about your business. Just because they give you advice, doesn't mean you have to accept it. That doesn't mean you have to be rude, just means that you have your own way of dealing with it. As your son grows, people will let up a bit. Just remember, every new mother goes through the same thing. Keep your chin up and don't worry about what other people say/think.

Answer 10

I hate it when I'm in a store, etc and a stranger tells me to by your kids a candy bar when they are acting up. So that my kids (hopefully) be better. That really ticks me off. Hello! If I buy my kids a candy bar that's just showing my kids that by acting up they get a treat. If my kids are acting up I sure as heck am NOT rewarding that behavior with candy. I reward it with a swat on the butt thank you very much!

My kids are 7y & 6 yrs old. They were 2y & 3 years old when the story above happend. We ended up leaving the store with nothing. I went back later by my self.

Answer 11

For me, I see a baby and I instantly want to nurture it. I have more self-control than the women you described, but I think many of us have that in us - it's not our kid, it's not our responsibility, but we feel that pull to rush to his/her aid.

And a new mother is the easiest target - many "old" mothers assume that they know better, because, duh, they've been doing it longer. It's insulting to you, of course, but rarely does that ever occur to the person giving the unwanted advice - they're trying to mother, they're thinking of the baby not you.

Your best bet is to think up some random standard reply for when people do that - plaster on a fake smile and just repeat the reply to them each time. It will prevent a confrontation, and get them to leave you alone. :)

I used to say "yep, thanks for noticing. I'll take care of that," and walk away. Unless the person's comment was out-right RUDE, in which case my answer was usually "thank goodness you noticed. This is so much harder than I thought - I never should have bought this kid from that guy in the parking lot last week." Well.... you just can't turn your cheek EVERY time. :)