Every time I "meet" a girl online, she always ends up being really nice and she ends up interested in me. I continue to conversation on the hopes that maybe she's as attractive as she is nice. This has never happened to me, in fact getting in so deep in conversation with this one girl, I now have seen her picture and am simply, not attracted. To me physical attraction is an important part of a relationship as well as intellectual stimuli. She has the stimuli going for my intellect but beyond that, I can see nothing come out of this.
Here's the dilemma, I now have to answer an almost 3 page long email, which we have been emailing back and forth, sweetly I might add, and I now have my actual feelings about her. What can I say, without being too abrupt and insensitive? Do I answer as if I don't care about her pictures? I learned my lesson, I should never say anything flirtatious to someone whom I've never seen or know. But what do I do now??
2007-04-25 19:05:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok, first off, if you want attractive girls, do NOT, i repeat do NOT go the internet route. Do you really think beautiful girls will need to go on the internet to meet guys? No, of course not. Just get out there, meet real life people, and date them, that is much better anyway. You get to gauge their personality and see how much you like them. On the email issue, you can either ignore her and not type back (she will never see you in real life) or you can simple say you don't want to talk to her anymore. You are probably best to just ignore her. Just remember, nothing can substitute to meeting someone in a real atmosphere face to face.
2007-04-25 19:12:56 · answer #1 · answered by Coma White 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I think one serious problem with internet relationships is it doesn't really offer the sort of connection and "stimuli" as you say, that a real-life relationship can offer. It's so easy to put off someone you met in java-chat and so much harder to erase that penetrating image of the first time you met "so and so" at the real-life Java House... So, I think you are unwise for partaking in internet relations in the first place. There is a reason why you're there looking for someone not in rl but thousands and thousands of miles away. Maybe you feel inadequate in some way? Anyways, you've made a huge mistake and this will be hanging over both your heads for a long time, hopefully you take the winner's course next time... You will have to make an excuse as to why you can no longer chat with her, be irrational, do whatever, but make it clear you have a problem you are very distraught over something and tell her you just can't talk anymore. Don't wish her well, just act really selfishly and immaturely. Then she will just end up thinking you a rotten fool and you wont hurt her as much as you could potentially...
2007-04-26 02:16:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jeska J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what you CAN'T do:be brutally honest about how you only can seriously consider a relationship if you are physically attracted to the person. And you aren't to her.
Now you know that you can't be flirtatious to someone online. You say you learned your lesson. Stick to that. That means the end of online exchanges - for all you know, even the people who post their pictures and they look good to you may be lying and posting a friend's picture or posting an old picture (one before they gained 100 pounds).
In the case of the current person, you don't want to say, 'I'm just not physically attracted to you.' But that is the truth. So why not say something similar but not pointedly about her? You could say, 'I wish physical attraction weren't so important to me . I find myself drawn more and more to women who can never talk with me on the level that you and I share. But that's my problem. There's a reason I'm still single - I'm looking for my physical type and an emotional connection at the same time. But then, I guess everyone has that same problem; don't you?'
Once you have brought up the subject, see what she says. Maybe she is sympathetic. She could be thinking the exact same thing about you. If she asks you directly what you think of her appearance, you can be gentle in replying that pictures are such deceptive guides to someone's actual physical appearance but she is quite photogenic. Leave it at that.
Then, in the future, make sure that your communication to her assumes you are going to keep things on a friendship basis and she is a good friend. There's nothing wrong with friendship - there's something wrong with flirting with a person you really would never want to be with.
2007-04-26 02:28:57 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way out...you are going to hurt her feelings regardless...I don't recommend telling her that you are not physically attracted to her..maybe tell her you are not into meeting anyone..just looking for online friendships. Tell her your flirtatious gestures were not intended to be anything but a friendship. Most girls should understand that a man being flirtatious is not abnormal. Doesn't mean you can't continue to talk to her..just watch what you say.
2007-04-26 02:12:19 · answer #4 · answered by buggie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, break it off verrrry gradually. After all, it is an online relationship, so you don't have to see her anytime soon. Just keep talking to her for a while, and see if you can slowly cool things down enough so that you are talking to her as a friend would - and then - consider stay being her friend. You already like her intellect!
Remember, though, my young man, the beautiful outside shell will fade much sooner than the heart and mind.
Be gentle to her, please.
2007-04-26 02:13:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest to yourself. If you really like & you are not bother about her picture go ahead. But if you think she is not attracted & you are not happy with they way she look than forget about it. Do not hurt her with your sweet talk since you are not happy with her. As a friend I am advising you "Do not judge a person by their look". Just take a book for example a book with an attractive coloured cover & expensive may not contain a good story but a book with a simple cover, less attractive and cheep may contain a good story.
2007-04-26 02:33:05 · answer #6 · answered by evon s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think its better to be honest. You also have to realize what your looking for. And maybe these "perfect" girls don't exist. Maybe you are reaching to high. If this keeps happening then maybe you need to approach the whole dating scene differently. Like meet someone in public and then try to get the mental aspect with them. At least you know then where you are starting from before you get overly interested.
2007-04-26 02:10:18 · answer #7 · answered by Quieres_bailar_conmigo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i chat on-line i just hate that picture part of the conversation cause i know I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
the person u connect on an intellectual level ain't necessarily good looking. &like u, i loose interest as soon as i get there picture-LOL its not like i do that delibratly. . .it just happens. (I've cooled off with alot of them, then just ignore them- hard i know)
just carry on talking to that contact, &let the conversations die out, meaning let ur answers be shorter, less info said, things like that-LOL people just make their own assumptions then.
2007-04-26 02:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over the looks. it may be simply a bad photo. plus, extrememly good looking people do not usually looking for friends on line. people are not only what they seem on the outside. if you have common interest to talk with her, you are luckier than a lot of couples who can't find anything to say to each other.
2007-04-26 02:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by lovedoggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop communicating with her. Make up an excuse that you won't be using the computer for a while because you need to study or something like that. OR you can just be plain friends with her!
2007-04-26 02:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋