What type of disorder would this probably be?

Question

My mom has a disorder that causes an unnatural, uncontrollable urge to control EVERYTHING around her, or, not even around her. From how and when the grass is cut, to what is going on in MY bank account, to what my husband does and if SHE thinks it's important..........I know moms can be nosey, but this is insane. She has a thing with calling her bank ten, fifteen times a day and figuring and re-figuring the money she has. There are DOZENS of papers on her table that are literally COVERED with numbers from her figuring her finances. I know she probably has OCD to say the least, I myself suffer from BPD plus a few other things, but what should I search on the internet for and bring to her attention that she may want to go to the doctor for? She knows she might have a small problem, but she really doesn't see the severity of it. Maybe if I give her some possibilities, she might want to look into it further. I don't want to diagnose her, just open her eyes and maybe a few doors.

Yes, I personally believe she is abusive. She doesn't, of course, but she verbally makes demeaning comments all the time. Such as, if someone disagrees with her, or doesn't want to do something she thinks should be done, she will say something like, "Oh, Dear GOD!" In a demeaning way, like we are doing something wrong. She has been this way my whole life, and I am afraid to think it may be the root of my BPD since alot of times BPD is onset from some kind of abuse.

I have set boundaries -MANY MANY of them. If you know anything about BPD, you know we have uncontrollable anger and do not handle stress well. Needless to say, when me and my mom are together, we do not get along. She doesn't really get along with any of her four children. Of course, she sees the fault in all of us - none in herself. We all have problems, she does not. At least, not as bad as we do.

Answer 1

I feel for you.
The basis of control is fear. Like you say, she is not seeing herself as either fearful or controlling. Her erratic actions are likely to drive people away. Sadly, it is unlikely that she will believe she has a problem or be willing to address it on her own.

Probably the best way for you to proceed is to go to your Dr. / psychiatrist and ask him how best to address the situation, and what effective way you can get her treated.

I met a lady with similar problems, who drove her entire family nuts into her old age. It was not until she was moved into a care center/home for elderly that she was treated for her condition. For the last few years of her life she was finally on the medication she had needed all along. Even her relatives described her then as "a sweet old lady" -- something she had never been in her days before getting the medication.

Let's hope your mother can be that "sweet old lady" soon.

Answer 2

Sounds like severe OCD. Also, sounds like dear old mom has some power and control issues.

Power and control issues are the root behaviors for domestic violence, verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse.

Is there a history of mom being abusive?

By the way, power and control issues are fueled by insecurity.

Answer 3

by the sound of it your mum has a passive controlling disorder she might have never been able to con troll her life now she is trying to live it through you! you and husband need to set boundaries for her draw the red line, and let her now how you are feeling and you need to lead your own life and make your own decisions you are grown up and if you need her advise you will come to her, maybe you should suggest that you get counselling or ask Dr Phil

Answer 4

You know I would search the Harvard School of Public Health ...Harvard has a fountain of information on their websites. .. It sounds like a severe anxiety disorder of some kind so I would not venture to suggest where to look for the answer. Take care...

Answer 5

hullo
OCD is a primary diagnosis for her,all the same ,she is in need for a psychiatrist to plan for a way of therapy.

Dr solo