What do you say to people who suggest getting another dog when you've just lost one?

Question

My dog had cancer and I had to put her down yesterday. What do I say (politely) to people who 1) Second guess my decision and 2) Suggest I get another dog, as if she meant nothing. I guess I'm too emotional right now to figure out how to be nice. I feel caught between people who've never had pets and feel I should just get a new dog and people who love their pets and feel I put her down too soon. I didn't want her suffering anymore, plain and simple. Did anyone else go through this after euthanizing a pet?

Answer 1

I have gone through this after the natural death of my last dog. I think it is downright rude and ignorant for people to suggest this. I am more than an animal lover - Hell, I am making a career out of zoology! So there is more there. I can tell you from both a professional and personal perspective that the decision to get another bouncy member of the family is a very private one. Dam* those people who think you should move on right away.

There is no polite way of telling them to shut their mouths really. But you can tell them that you would appreciate some compassion. Don't go into details but let them know that she was your best friend and it isn't easy to loose your best friend. If they don't understand this or can't respect this, I would just end the conversation.

When I worked at a shelter, I had a lot of people come to the shelter just to "look around" after loosing a pet. I told all of them to take their time and allow themselves to grieve before moving on. Jumping into another long term committment is NOT a good idea. And remember - you will never replace your old dog. No dog can take that place. But when and if you do decide to get another dog, it will be an addition to the love and compassion you have to offer in your life.

As for people who feel you put her down too soon, just ask to see their DVM/VMD and license to practice vet medicine. They have no right to say that to you even if they are licensed vets. I think that what you did was not only the right thing for you but it is commendable. I have seen so many dogs who were allowed to suffer in silence all because an owner was too selfish to end their suffering. You on the other hand, knew that your girl had a low quality of life and didn't want to see her suffer. That is commendable and to be applauded. I know that when the dog I have now (to whom I have an incredibly deep connection to) gets to a point where her quality of life decreases, I will hate to say goodbye, but I will allow her to die with dignity and prevent suffering for her. It is the least I could do for all the years she has given me.

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is not easy, and there are no words I can offer that can minimize your pain, nor would I want to. That would just be minimizing your loss. Grieve in your own way and when you are ready, you will have the love and companionship to offer another dog who will be lucky to share their life with someone compassionate and caring.

Answer 2

If you want to be nice explain that you did not want her to suffer any more, and that you will get another dog when you are ready. If that does not stop them or you just don't feel like being nice tell them it is non e of their business. This was your pet and I am sure you did what was in her best interest, and it is no ones business when you are ready for another dog. Some people replace a much loved pet fairly quickly to help with the pain, but others wait a year or more. That has to do with how you heal from a loss, and there is no right way to do that. I am sure most people are not trying to upset you, and if that is the case I would try to explain my feelings. If they are being rude or mean I would just flat out tell them it is your life and it was your dog and you will do what you feel is right, and they need to leave you alone. Good Luck and I know it is hard to lose a pet.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss.

If they are second guessing your decision then they are not being supportive. I've had two dogs die of cancer - one was very aggressive and he died before we could actually find out what was wrong and the other was put down - he was quite old and we didn't want to put him through the surgery just for our selfish benefit. The cancer is painful and often, the surgery isn't worth the pain it puts your dog in unless they are otherwise young, healthy, the cancer is in the early traces, or it is less severe and there is a good recovery rate. Unfortunately, this is rare and cancer is nothing but painful for the dog. You did the right thing.

Also, waiting to get another dog is a good idea also. Some people get another dog to console their loss - for some people this is a good option. It allows them to grieve, but not to consume them because they have someone to take care of. For others, it's not. If you don't allow yourself time to grieve, you don't honor the previous dogs memory. Also, the new dog won't understand that you are grieving and may take advantage of the situation, becoming unruly and need more obedience training later down the line than if you had gotten the dog in a right state of mind (a Dog Whisperer episode, actually).

Either way, I think you did the right thing and are doing the right thing. You didn't let your dog suffer. And for you, its just not the right time to get another dog which is perfectly fine - its your way of showing that you cared for her. You'll know when it's the right time to move on, but no one can tell you when that time is.

Again, I'm so sorry. I recommend this to everyone who has had a dog put down because it really helped me. It's a book called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant - it's a simple children's book, but it really helped me feel better when my dog passed away.

Answer 4

Sorry for your great loss. I have had to put dogs down before and it is never an easy decision but the decision was made because they were suffering and our Vet agreed "it was time." You did a very unselfish thing in not wanting your dog to suffer anymore. That is a responsible dog owner.

Dont listen to others who try to tell you what to do now. Only you know when the time will be right to get another dog Sometimes I got another dog soon after and sometimes I did not. But it was MY decision and I made it with careful thought. No one gets another dog to replace the old one, but I know that my dogs would have wanted me to continue adopting and giving another dog a good home I think of all my dogs that I ever have had everyday, and they are still in my heart even though I have another dog now. You will know in your heart the right time. Everyone is different.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are going through!!! I don't know if this will help you, but you are not alone.

Several years ago I got a Chinese Shar-Pei puppy. I saw her the morning that she was born. She was my first show dog and we called her Peaches. Her sister was the first Shar-Pei to win at Westminster. Peaches finished at 18 months old. She was our baby.
To make a long story short at seven years old we had to put her down because of cancer. It was the hardest decision that I have ever made in my life.
My husband did not agree with me on this, but with my background I felt that I could make the better choice. I knew that it would hurt us more to watch her suffer and die than to compassionately ease her suffering. It was not what we wanted but it was what was best for her. She was too good a friend to let suffer. It took us over a year and a half to consider another dog.

Do Not worry about what people say or their opinions. If they are true friends and pet lovers also, they will understand your pain and be supportive of your decision.

Give yourself time to heal and when the time is right the right puppy will be there. Don't make any decisions until you are over your emotions.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that some day you get another companion.

Answer 6

Just say, if you are feeling angry, to the first question, "Well, it's fine for you to let your beloved pet writhe in pain and agony before they finally die, but I thought it would be better to cut the struggle short" or just say "The vet and I thought it was best for her" for a more tactful approach.

For the second, say "Maybe someday I will, but right now I need to grieve" or even "I couldn't replace her, she wasn't a dish I broke, but a dear friend, and you can't just get another one."

I have never euthanized a pet, but my cat is diabetic, and I had to make that choice. Some people just told me to put her down and get a kitten, and I was horrified. Others told me I was a horrible person for even considering putting her down, when all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on or some support. I did eventually decide to try insulin, but I can fully sympathize.

I am terribly sorry for your loss. losing a pet is extremely hard, and you need time to grieve and learn to remember the good times versus dwelling on the bad times. Now is not the time to even think about getting another dog.

Answer 7

You tell them that you and the vet did what was best and tell them you are not ready for a new dog/pup at this time and change the subject or simply tell them that it is too painful to discuss right now.
It is hard when you lose a pet and what makes it harder is other people's insensitivity. Do not let anyone make you second guess your decision you did what you felt was best for your dog. You had your dog's best interest at heart and that is all that matters. I would not worry about being nice right now just tell them how you feel.
I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

Don't worry about being nice. If you feel you have to justify your actions to the naysayers, tell them that you did what you and your vet thought was in the best interest of your dog so that she didn't suffer needlessly.

For the ones who say "it's just a dog, just get a new one" - don't even waste your time or energy on them. There are some people who just won't "get it".

I wish you peace, and hope that you will be able to dwell on the good memories more than the emptiness as time goes on. It is never easy to lose a beloved pet.

And at some point you may feel ready to open your heart to another furbaby. If and when that point comes, you'll know.

Answer 9

Sure you miss your dog, your going to spend allot of time thinking about a lost dog, but fact is you gotta move on, the best way, is find a new puppy, fall in love, and love your lost one through this one as you remember, and you will remember the good times, not the suffering. If you don't move on, you could go through this a lot longer, and harder as days go on, some people never move on. You need too. Take a few weeks few months, but keep in mind a new puppy when the time is right for you, but I am so sorry for your loss, I know your crying still, it gets easy as days go on, but your going to know when the time is right, but new puppy would help you, very much.

Answer 10

1) It's none of their business. 2) It's none of their business. People seem to think that a pet is like a toy that can be replaced. They don't mean any harm, they just don't understand your pain and want to lessen it. As for you decision to euthanize your dog, nothing can be done about it now, so I have no idea why they would bother you with this when you're grieving. Just tell them that you made the right decision for your dog and you don't wish to discuss it further. As for the "Get a new one" breed, tell them that you appreciate their opinion, but you're not interested in getting a new dog now. I'm sorry for your loss. :(