how would any of you parents react if your 4 year old son said this?

Question

He told me it would make him happy if me and his sister moved and he got to live with his dad. This really hurt me I feel like a failure. I try my best I have been doing both roles as the father and mother its been hard. My husband has worked at a job where he is gone for 16 hours at a time and he isnt here at night. We have fought over some things that I have had issues with which almost caused us to split up. I lost my mom before I turned 4 and then adopted to a witch who beat me now I am living my own life to be happy and it seems I am sadder now than ever. I have no one to talk to no one to help me w/ my kids its just us I do everything w/ them. Go to the park,shopping,I feed ,bath,take them to school,in the summer I take my son to do boy stuff as he calls it like the truck pulls at the fair,play ball everything I can to be a good parent. I told myself that if I were ever to have kids I would be a good mother and not treat them the way I was treated for 14 years of chiild abuse.

I miss my husband being here no one to cuddle with or to share a smile with he isnt here. I know he works to provide but 4 years of this has taken its toll on us.Our son is always angry b/c his dad isnt here and he takes it out on me. Where did I go wrong. I love my kids with all my heart and I have done nothing but try to be the best mother then I hear these words I dont want you to live here want to live with daddy. How would any of you react?

I just talked to our son and told him I loved him and I am sorry his daddy isnt here that its hard on me too and he works to take care of us. He cried I cried and we hugged each other and he told me he loved me. I called his daddy who is 2 hours away and talked to him and he is going to make boy time this weekend. I am sorry you all have to read about my life but let me tell you when you had a childhood like I did you dont trust anyone and you learn who you trust and who to back away from and thats what I have been doing. Things were getting better then it went kaput but I am willing to hang in there and do what I have to do and be a good mom thankyou to all of you for responding to my questions its sad when you have to talk to strangers to get advice but I dont have anyone when I moved out of my parents house they turned everyone else against me so I have no family but this one. Once again thankyou.

I just wanted to make it clear some of you thought I was not with my husband we are married. Our son said he wants to live w/ daddy and mommy and sissy move out. I just wanted to make that clear.

Answer 1

Don't let it get you down. He is only 4. Sometimes they say really mean things. You are not like the woman who abused you. You can heal from this by being the best mom you can be. You can show your son that you love him no matter what he says to you. I remember when I was little I got angry at my mom and told her that I hated her. She went into her room and started crying. I felt so bad. I went into her and told her that I was sorry. The truth is I never hated her. I was just angry. Kids say things they don't mean when they are upset. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Hang in there. You sound like a wonderul mother to me. Maybe you could find a mommies group to join so you could have other moms to talk to. I know it's hard to have your husband not around much, and it's really hard on children your son's age. Just be there for each other.

Answer 2

ahhh! I know how you feel to some extent. I have a daughter who is almost six and a two year old, and my husband worked offshore for a month and then 10 days home. Now he is at 21 days on and 9 days off which isn't so bad. but my point is.. when daddy's home it's like a vacation around here. The girls get whatever they want, and were out non stop doing family things. But when he is gone.. all hell brakes lose! I'm a country girl stuck in the city. I don't drive much here because it's too crazy, and all my friends and family are at least four hours away. So my daughter being only five, tells me one day and it wasn't the first.. I wish you worked and daddy stayed home. I was crushed. Here I am doing everything I can to be the best mom but in her eyes it's not enough. It's hard because we do so much, and were here for them everyday, but dad is gone so when they finally get to see him life couldn't be better. I don't believe it has anything to do with you hun. If you were the one working and gone all the time, and he was home it would all be reversed! Take care and know that your not alone.. :)

Answer 3

I know it hurts to hear them say things like that but, I believe you are reading way too far into it and taking it much more personal than he meant. Honestly he probably doesn't even remember saying it. I have a five year old. She just turned five. For the past two years she has told me on occasion that I ruined her life, she wants a new mommy, and other statements she only said because I wouldn't let her get a pony or something. I love my daughter and work very hard to raise her with love and integrity. I am sure you do the same for your children. But, kids are literal and well, kids. They say over dramatic mean thing to see what you'll do. When your son says that tell him "Well, if I move away I'll miss you too much. So, I guess your stuck with me." Hug him and walk away. Know that your are a good mom and keep doing what you are doing. I also know how hard long hours alone are. My husband is a business owner and I never see him. We have been together for 7 years and he has worked 6 or 7 days a week 10 to 14 hours a day for 6 of the 7 years. When he does get home he's tired, hungry, and cranky. He sits, he eats, he sleeps. It is very hard. I work hard to keep the family going. He works to support. And maybe one day he'll slow down. Just keep on loving your family. Your doing just fine.

Answer 4

Honey, He's 4. This is why the courts don't allow children to decide where they live. It sounds like he really misses his Dad. This is normal.

At four, things are simple. He misses time with Dad, ergo, he and Dad move away and he'll have all the time he wants. What he doesn't realize is that's not gonna happen. If he and Dad moved away, more than likely, he wouldn't see him any more than he already does.

Is it possible that Dad feels inferior as a parent compared to you? I would try to find something that the little guy and his dad can do just the two of them that you can't do. Help them both feel special and this may change.

As parents, all we can do is to be the best parents we can be. It sounds like you are doing that very well. They are your kids and will love you no matter what.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I am so sorry all these things happened to you. Kids say things they dont mean, they say things they hear from other people, things they hear on tv. Dont take it personal we as adults know how to express ourselfs and know how to say how we feel. You might think as a child he is saying how he feels,but he might of been frustrated or venting. He probably misses his daddy and doesnt understand why hes not there. You are doing the best you can w/those kids and thats all you can do.If you packed his things and told him he was going to his dads like he wanted to he would change his mind. Ten minutes living w/dad he would want to come home. Ask your God to help you. He will I promise. Everything will work out for you keep doing what your doing. Believe me I have 3 boys on my own and by the time hes 15 like my oldest youll be begging him to go to his dads :) j/k really enjoy every minute of them you being mommy have a speacial bond not one person can replace. My 4 year old asked me the other day why my butt shakes when i walk... i like my butt. good luck !!

Answer 6

Kids want everything and they always think the grass is greener on the other side.

You're doing your best and they might not appreciate it until they're grown ups, but for right now you have to remember that you're not doing it for the recognition or for praise. You're doing it because it's the right thing to do.

Don't beat yourself up about it - because then you will be sad or upset and THAT can have a negative impact on your children. Remember that you are a good mom and you have kids you love very much. Tell them how happy they make you. Tell them positive things. They will learn by example to focus on positive things.

Hang in there. Best of luck.

Answer 7

i would feel offended.. but only for about 1 minute. kids will be kids and they say things at the spur of the moment. i'm sure he doesn't mean it the way he said it. and i'm sure he loves you dearly. don't give it much thought.....i sense that you are very tired. that's probably the reason why his remark made such an impact on you. you expected gratitude for all your hard work and what you get was a rebuke. so i guess the problem really is not what your son said but your reaction to what he said. your reaction is only a manifestation of your current state of well-being. the desire to do be a lot better than your adoptive mother also adds pressure to yourself. dont be too hard on yourself. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM and your son's remark does not make you a bad mom. I suggest you find time to catch up with friends. if at the moment you have no time to go out with them, then try calling them up for a chat. it is such a good stress reliever. talk to your husband also and ask for a time-out alone with yourself once in while. time alone are essential for person's well-being. good luck

Answer 8

Well sweetie in all honestly he's just being a child and sometimes the imagination runs wild with a child. Anyways... he probably said that because he thinks that if you and sister go away he will get more time with his daddy. I can't argue with him thinking that because it actually being intelligent on his part. Try to find some time for dad and son to go to the park and do somethings together. And you also need to talk to dad about this and see what he has to say about it.

Answer 9

You need to take a step back and think about what it is your child thinks his father can provide for him. At four years old children are selfish. They will constantly play each parent against the other. I am so sorry you feel you have no one to speak to, and that you are lonely. Do not for one second think you are a bad mother. One day your son will realize what you have done for him and be happy, but right now he doesn't get to see his father, and for him that is everything. My advise to you is to keep doing what you have been doing. My daughters father and I got divorced a few years ago, and he hardly ever calls, or even comes to see her, but when he does, I go through the same thing. My daughter says she loves me, but wants to live with her dad, this is because the short periods of time she sees him is all about her. I work my tail off every day to provide for her and do fun things with her, but she takes it all for granted. She feels like life with her dad would be fun and games all the time, and when I have to punish her she tells me she hates me. All I say back is it is ok if she wants to hate me, but that I love her and someday she will understand. Honey try to be strong, you are a good parent, I can tell you love your son unconditionally, and just keep being that great mom, and try not to feel sad when your son tells you he would rather live with his dad. He is just blaming you for his dad not being around. Love your son no matter what, and things will eventually get better. Best of luck!!

Answer 10

You just gotta step back and take a breath for a second. your son is four, so he does not understand the extent to which he can hurt mommy with his words. he could be mad over something petty and say that, not really understanding how much it hurts you. all you can do is just keep on loving him and doing what youre doing. sounds to me ike you are a great mom, the best one that you can be. through the years kids will say things like that they dont mean, and all you can do is just keep on keepin on. in the end, he will thank you for being a good mom to him and not giving up.