My boyfriend and I are disagreeing on weather or not to buy a gift for a couple whose wedding we are not attending. Let me give you both sides of the argument, and please give us your opinion.
Situation: We are not good friends with the couple. In fact, the girl was with a friend of ours a few years ago, and cheated on him with another friend. Since then, we became involved in a social group w/ them, and became aquantances. The dinner group doesn't meet anymore and we just got an invitation to the wedding. If we never would have been in this group, we wouldn't have been invited. We're not going because we don't really know them.
My argument: we need to buy them a gift because it's proper etiquite. We got an invitation, and are not attending, and they should still get a gift, even if small, from us
His argument: "not only do we not know them, I don't like the bride. She cheated on my friend and who cares about etiquite. They don't deserve a gift just because they sent us an invitation
2007-04-25 16:32:52 · 20 answers · asked by smiles6428 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Etiquette dictates that you are NOT obligated to send a gift just beause you were invited to the wedding. Simply decline on the RSVP card and let that be the end of it.
However, in regards to sending wedding gifts, etiquette dictates that a wedding gift is properly sent if it arrives anytime between the date the engagement is announced and the 1st year anniversay. So, if you have regrets later (after the wedding) about not sending a gift, you can always send them one up to a year later.
Whatever you decide to do, it is not that big of deal to argue over it with your boyfriend. Don't let this be a point of contention between the two of you, afterall this couple does not seem to be that important in your lives, and therefore they should not be affecting your relationship in this manner. Respect each other enough to just let it go and do what etiquette dictates. Don't send a gift!
Good luck!
2007-04-25 20:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by txmagic61 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your boyfriend. The girl cheated, and you don't know them that well. Why do you want to celebrate a cheaters wedding day? Giving a gift is like exchanging for the food you will be fed at the wedding, and to help out the new couple with their new life together. Does this girl deserve you to show her proper etiquite, when she didn't bother to show your friend that herself? You don't have to be like her, but you don't need to mess up your own relationship with your boyfriend because of her. She probably just sent you and invitation to brag about her accomplishment of finding a new guy. I don't really know her, but Ive seen her type before. Just send her a note that you can't make it, and give her well wishes, but let that be enough.
2007-04-25 23:52:46 · answer #2 · answered by woman of steel 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you both have some valid arguments. First, I don't believe I would buy a gift. In fact, you may have been invited just because they didn't know how NOT to invite you. I would just send a note with the RSVP wishing them much happiness and that you are sorry that you can't attend. The end.
2007-04-26 01:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
In normal circumstances, if they were close or a family member it would be polite to give a small gift. However, you don't really know them and this came out of the blue. It sounds like you have just been invited to make up the numbers. If you aren't going, don't buy a gift.
2007-04-26 00:35:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I side with him.
1. Gifts are not required whether you can go or not.
2. You are not good friends with the bride or groom.
3. She cheated on him.
Send a card expressing your good wishes for a long marriage (which sounds doomed already).
2007-04-26 10:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely, they are only inviting you so they can get a gift. Why else would they invite someone that they barely know? I doubt that it's because they want you to come and enjoy their free food....
Consider this question. If your worst enemy invited you, would you still consider etiquite? Probably not. So why is it any different for someone who is practiacally a stranger? If you don't even really like them, why do you care what they think of your etiquite? I'm with your husband on this one.
2007-04-25 23:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Mommy to Boys 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If you feel strongly that you should give them a gift, get something inexpensive like a gift certificate for a small amount. Tell your boyfriend that you are not comfortable with getting them nothing and ask him if he would prefer that his name be left off of the card.
2007-04-25 23:53:28 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They aren't even gonna remember who in the heck gave them gifts and who didn't. Believe me. I say just politely decline and don't bother with the gift. You are not obligated to buy one. Besides it would be wrong even if they did get upset about it. No gift required
2007-04-25 23:39:54 · answer #8 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they invited you for one of two reasons: one - they want to be friends again, and this is agood will offering or two - they are just hunting for more gifts. Check where they are registered. If they are registered for donations to a charity, do that, rather than give them a gift. Or you can "gift" 25 dollars to a charity of your choice in their name.
That way you get it off your conscience and your boyfriend will still be satisfied most likely.
Send a card with the "notice" that money was donated in their name.
2007-04-25 23:42:02 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda M 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
One is never obligated to send a gift. If you feel you must acknowledge them (other than returning the RSVP card with your regrets) send a card.
2007-04-26 14:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by Juddles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋