Christians: How does one love others when they have been abused an neglected as a child?

Question

Love is something that I kinda hate cuz I never had it as a child an i envy those that did.

Answer 1

Follow the example of Jesus Christ

Answer 2

Well I was adopted out on the street but God placed me into a good home that I know consider my own. Don't envy anyone what if GOD envy all those that didn't have to give up their sons to be nailed to a cross GOD loved you when you was a child so you were loved then and you are loved now. You can love others by forgiving those that neglected you and moving on and not taking it out on anyone so SMILE...LOVE is a beautiful thing believe me there is always someone that loves you

Answer 3

Your unfortunate childhood might have lingering effects. Lack of role models may mean you fail to recognize or even reject loving situations. The adult part of you should love the part of you that still feels like abused child by seeking counseling to make sure you aren't compounding your problem.

Other than that, you can't control the universe. You can only control what you do. You have to love yourself first. If you decide that you are lovable, then you will be loved. When you believe you deserve to be loved, you will choose to stay with people who are willing to love you and you will allow yourself to leave unsupportive situations.

Love isn't a blank check for any kind of bad behavior. Instead, it is a recognition of the inherent value of each person. If you are willing to treat others as you wish to be treated, you shouldn't put up with anything less from others.

P.S. I'm not Christian, but I loved you enough to give you an honest and thoughtful reply.

Answer 4

Sorry, I missed the word "Christians" when I skimmed the question, but I don't believe any of my answer is un-christian, so here goes:

Like language, some things are easier to learn in childhood. I don't believe it's impossible to learn them as adults.

I envied kids with curly hair. I grew out of it. I learned to appreciate what I had/have and what I can do myself.

Take it a step at a time. Avoid what you know to be dysfunctional. Try to learn what'll work for you and those around you.

It can be like cooking. It doesn't need to be what you were raised with. If you're interested in it (i.e. cooking), you study it and you may invent new things to nourish the world.

Answer 5

I was the same way , Shown a very dark picture of life . I hated God for a long time and wanted no part of him. So I decided to read the Bible and try to expose it as a big hoax . Instead I discovered who God is and that he went through so much more then I did so that I can someday go to live with him . I could relate to the fact that he was abused and hated for no reason at all and was in no way at fault . But most of all that he loved me and would never leave nor forsake me. Tell him your troubles and he will show you how.

Answer 6

i am terribly sorry that u have never felt true love.
well the meaning of love is that some one has to teach what it means and how it feels.
all i can tell you, even i do not know you i can love
you from here, i can listen to you, we can talk,
i will try to show you how can one learn how to love and the same time receive love.
please do not take it in any bad way. its just u have to have some sort of belief in something that
makes u feel wonderful.
i do not know what that is in your life. just do not lose hope.
by the way there are so many wonderful people
here who i am sure will help you also.
and at the same time yes u can find some jerks who will try to upset you. there fore when u find
some one here or out there try to become their friends then give it a time u never know.
just hang in there
by the way u do not have to be only Christian in order to love some one.

Answer 7

As a recovering alcoholic, a lot of my friends have been in your situation. Allowing one to feel the love that God can offer, a love that's always been there, no matter what people did to you, can be a place to start.

Its easy to continue to play the victim in your head, and we all do that to some extent from one way or another; we all have our pain to go through, some is more visible than others. However, I'm sure you know how holding onto that anger and resentment can just continue to make you feel isolated from others. While it might not be what you want to hear, forgiving the people who did that might help you on the road to letting go and letting God help you feel that love.

Answer 8

It will have to start with forgiving those who abused and neglected you. Not because they deserve it, but because unforgiveness will destroy you. If you don't get rid of it, it will fester and spread to every area of your life, and will keep you from having healthy relationships with people.
Forgiving someone is a choice you make. You may not "feel" forgiving toward them, but if you'll make the choice to do it, it is the first step toward freedom from the hold it has on you. You may have to "keep forgiving" them for a while. You don't say if you're a Christian, but since you addressed your Q to Christians I will tell you that it is important to take this problem to God. Talk it through with Him and ask Him to help you. And as hard as it might be, pray for those who did this to you. If you'll make the right choice and do what God asks of us (forgiving others), He will bring you to a place where you will even "feel" forgiving toward them.
(Also, I'd wonder about their past; were they abused and neglected as well? Sometimes people do what they've learned from others doing to them. It doesn't justify their actions, but it may help explain them somewhat.)
One last thing I would remind you of. God commands that we forgive others, or He will not forgive us. And He does not ask us to do what is impossible. What you can't do in your own ability, He will help you do. He would also want you to know that He loves you very much.

Answer 9

I've been there. I was abused as a child. And I wanted to know love. I got into the Bible really heavy, and I trusted God to show me love. And He did. And then He did again a lot. I don't know much love in the world, but from God I know what that is like. I think that God's love is the best anyway.

Answer 10

Surely the ones that abused and neglected you were not the only role models you had.
Try to remember someone that you trusted, and that you knew loved you.
And, just because you didn't learn how to love as a child does not mean you cannot learn it now.
Look around, love is exemplified all around us in the world.
Love starts with you. Reach out to someone and tell them. You might be surprized.

Answer 11

Hey, I had that same kind of ugly, nasty sh*t when I was a kid. I never have fully learned how to trust and love other people, but I'm getting better, little by little. It takes patience and courage and conscious effort, and above all the love and grace of God as revealed in Christ Jesus. If you're a Christian, pray to God tonight to bless you with His awesome healing and mercy. And get with a counselor or therapist--not next month, not next week, but tomorrow morning!!! If you need help finding one, call your local pastor or priest, or public social-services office. PLEASE take my advice. Don't lose one more day being an outsider!!! With help, you can start taking your life back!