Grieving for a loved one?

Question

My great aunt (who was like a grandmother to me) passed away last wednesday. The funeral was beautiful but it also hit me really hard. She left behind a note saying to not cry when we think of her but smile and remember all the good times. I want to fulfill her wishes, but I'm at college and it's so hard to grieve alone where no one understands. It's almost done with so there are no support groups. I'm really having a rough time with this. Can anyone offer me any advice? I'm so depressed, I can barely get through the days.

Answer 1

Hi Kim H,
First of all... My condolences... I am really sorry to read this...
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It's important, to allow yourself to experience whatever comes up, without expectations or judgment.... Typically you may go through waves of sadness, anger, numbness, or guilt...

There's no "right way" to feel, just allow whatever is happening to happen... remain aware, in other words, as much as possible.... The process of "healing", is natural and takes time........
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Grieving and its stresses, pass more quickly, with good self-care habits.... It helps to have a close family or friends.... It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic drinks, get exercise and rest......
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Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning.... If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain.. and shock, of loss until "acceptance", is reached....
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From that point on..... You can give your grandfather, a special place : "in your heart"................ and try to move on... because no matter what, he will always be, in that special place, inside of you.......................
I will put a link, below..for you...
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I really hope, this helped you a small bit.....

I wish you : all the strenght and courage, you need... to heal from your loss...................

All the best to you...
You have my support, Kim H!

My regards!

Take care of yourself!!

Answer 2

Just put one foot in front of the other. Don't try to think about how to "get through it". That's too big a goal. Just think about how to get through the next hour/day/week. It's good that you only have a few more days until your term is done, but you have to concentrate on those days as each one occurs.
Something that helps many people dealing with an overwhelming problem is this:
Question: How do you eat an elephant?
Answer: One bite at a time.

Don't concentrate on the whole problem. Just focus on the moment.

I feel for your loss. Give yourself permission to grieve, understand that it's a process, and just let the process unfold.

Answer 3

My favorite aunt passed away a year and a half ago, when I was a sophomore in college. It really hit me hard, too. I have a few things to suggest. Talk about her. Even if you're talking to no one but empty air, talk about her and the things you used to do. Don't be afraid to cry, or be angry. It's a part of grieving. Everything happens at its own pace. It may take quite a while (I'm still grieving over her)), but you'll grow peaceful with her passing.

I suggest talking to a counselor on campus. You say you don't have much time left at school, but you should still be able to make an appointment with a counselor and talk at least once. I found that talking to the on-campus counselor helped me quite a bit. If on campus isn't an option, is there a clinic nearby? Try to get recommendations for another counselor. It's sometimes easier to get through it with someone else.

It's okay to cry when you think of her and her smile. You're crying because you loved her. And that's fine. It may not have been in her wishes, but it's something that you need to do to help yourself through the grieving process.

I'm pulling for you. I know you'll get through it. If you find that you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult this is for you. I lost both parents within just a couple of years of each other. Losing my mom was most difficult. It's been several years but I think about them everyday. I'm sorry to say there is no clear cut answer for this. I understand that you want to fulfill your aunts wishes however you do need to allow yourself to feel sad. Cry when you need to. It's not good to suppress your emotions otherwise you'll never move forward. What works for me may not work for you but I have found that yoga and meditation help a great deal. I practice regularly and have found that I am more at peace with the difficult changes that have occured in my life. I can honestly say to you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this but you have to chose to. Let yourself be sad but remember that you have to continue with your life. I can actually remember having an physical pain in my chest for weeks after my mom died. I thought it would last forever, it didn't. And you will be able to get through this. I know that you feel you are alone and no one understands but trust me, there is a lot of us out there who do. You are not alone in this. I'm sorry that I can't offer you more concrete solutions. Stay strong!
Peace

Answer 5

I understand that you want to honor your great aunt's wishes, but it is okay to cry. Crying is the body's way of releasing stress and tension. Crying is actually healthy (unless you're doing it 24/7 for weeks). You can try other ways of handling grief such as journaling, making a scrapbook, writing your aunt a letter, poetry, music, etc. How have you handled stress during other times in your life? I understand that this situation may be much more stressful than others in your life, but it's worth a try. If you continue to feel this way for weeks (not eating, not sleeping, too much sleeping, crying randomly throughout the day, not wanting to get out of bed, or not wanting to participate in activities that you used to enjoy), you may want to seek professional mental help. Most college campuses have free or reduced-price counseling. I am very sorry for your loss and I do hope things get better for you!

Answer 6

Grieving is a normal part of accepting death. You must go through the process before you can smile instead of cry when thinking of her.

Please do yourself a favor along with your grandmother cry because you loved her and you'll miss her and she was an important part of your life. As time passes you will be able to honor her wishes and smile and remember her for the wonderful person she was and the positive impact she had on your life.

Answer 7

Try to get a book on grieving.

And people understand, they just sometimes want to be away from people who are going through hard times because it makes them feel bad too, its not out of meanness. So you should look for someone who is strong, maybe ask for counseling at your college.

Try to remember the good times, and all the way you enjoyed her company while she was with you. Remember how much she taught you and how her life was worth living just because of that.

And remember, she is living through you by whatever she left in you (beliefs , attitudes, etc)

Good luck!

Answer 8

It's okay to feel sad - it's part of the process. It's still relatively new, so let yourself have some time to heal - cry, feel blue, eat something hugely fattening, hibernate in your dorm room -let yourself feel your grief . . . for a reasonable while at least. Do not let yourself sink into a pit of despair, especially since you are away at school. Force yourself to stick with your daily routine and each day, it will get easier to feel better. You will eventually emerge from your deep grief and begin to feel better, even human again. Eventually, too, you will be able to do what your Aunt wanted. You will be able to smile, think of and talk about the good times. If your mood doesn't gradually (in a few months) improve, you should seek professional help. If you begin to feel progressively worse and are unable to cope at any point in this natural process, please, please, please seek help. And, don't isolate yourself from your family - they are people who will most assuredly understand. Hang in there - we all go through it. Take care!

Answer 9

I know this sounds like a cliche, but it really is true. In time you will feel better. You may never get over the pain you are feeling, but in time it gets easier to live with.
It's like having an empty place in your heart, isn't it? You think of something and you reach for the phone to call your aunt to talk about it, and then you realize you can't talk to her anymore. It's a terrible thing - grief.
She would want you to try to move on, though, and not be paralyzed with grief. Hopefully you can still function with your daily activities. Try to get on with your life, even though you think about her every few minutes. Do what she said to do and try to think of the good times, and then she's not really gone. You'll always have those memories.
Grief is terrible. But in time it does get easier.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that, what you are feeling is a period of mourning, but you have to move on and get on with the rest of one's life, I hope that what you are suffering should not be extended unnecessarily especially if other people depend in you might be affected, when you lose someone you love, there are only two ways you are changed---you either become bitter or you become better, now which one you want to be?