we both work fulltime and split to bills 50/50 but i feel like a maid in my oun home.he leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days,clouthes all over the place ect. and when his 8 yr old son comes to visit he does the same thing just with toys.it will stay like this for days till i can't take it any more and pick up everything but then it just starts over.
2007-04-25 13:53:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thats exactly the problem he knows YOU will clean it up from now on no matter how much it bothers you just leave the messes he and his son makes alone. He will get tired of it and clean it up himself. Your not the maid he should learn to pick up after himself.
2007-04-25 13:56:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not yet married and already trouble in paradise! Listen.. as a veteran married woman with 3 kids... If you can't live with him for all the faults he currently has, don't marry him. Men will not change! They will try. Undoubtly, they will try. But you will only cause more turmoil if you are constantly on him for his downfalls. Instead you need to appreciate him for the things he does. You can merely suggest that you would feel less stress if he would assist you in the daily chores, as both of you work full time and split the bills. And then remind him that you are not his mother, and that entering into a marriage will require work on a daily basis jointly from each other.
But like I said, if you can't deal with the problems now, it is not meant to be. Over time you will grow more aggressive about your feelings and that will lead to needless arguments over nothing in the long run.
Good luck!
2007-04-25 14:06:50 · answer #2 · answered by naliwad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my fiance. I've come to learn, you really need to accept that this is the way he is, because he's probably not going to change much. My fiance and I have had blow up fights about this, because I always feel like I get left doing all of the work. I get so mad when I come home and something that I've asked him to do isn't done, and it just stresses me out. What I've realized is that I just need to do these things when I feel that they need to be done or the problem just gets worse. Either you accept that this is something that you will probably end up doing most of the time, or you end it if it's going to create too many problems. Life's too short to get mad about this stuff, and you've got to remember that you're different people, and the way that you are comfortable living may be on a different level than him.
The other thing that my fiance and I have done is sat down and decided on a "cleaning" schedule. For one hour a week we work together cleaning up as much as we can around the house. This makes me feel better, because I actually feel like he's chipping in, and you'd be amazed at how much you can get done in a short period of time working TOGETHER! Sit down and talk to him and see if you can't work something like this into your schedule.
I know it's hard sometimes...but remember...don't sweat the small stuff, it's just not worth it!
2007-04-25 14:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by rhanalynn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Used to have a similar problem with my husband of 10 yrs. (this coming May!).
Here's what I did: He used to leave his crap everywhere too. I saw (for example) his fishing stuff all over the front porch after his latest fishing trip. I asked him to pick it up and put it away. He didn't. I asked again everyday for 2 weeks. Still nothing.
Then I told him that if I came home the next night from work and it was still there, I was throwing it all away. Needless to say, a dumpster across town had a lot of new fishing stuff in it that night!
That cured him of that bad habit right quick!
2007-04-25 14:02:54 · answer #4 · answered by valschmal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this needs to be nipped in the bud RIGHT NOW, before you say "I do".
Tell your fiance this, that if he does not clean his crap up it will be placed in the dumpster. Tell him you are not his maid and he needs to learn to pick up after himself.
With regards to his son, this is YOUR home too, and he's soon going to be your stepson. Time to put yourself in charge and have him clean up his toys before he leaves. Do not give him any treats or desserts until his toys are all picked up.
This needs to be fixed asap or else you'll be doing this "till death us do part".
2007-04-26 03:54:08 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just clean up after my own self and if you can I mean I know that it is hard leave it there,let it grow mold and stink up the place and everything. The more attention you pay to a behavior the more it is repeated, so don't pay attention to it, he will get the picture. My boyfriend does it to me all the time because I have a hard time cleaning up after myself so he just picks up his stuff and leaves mine which forces me to clean my own mess.
2007-04-25 14:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by Danielle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well throw out every dirty dish, clothes, etc... until there is no more. I know it sounds crazy, but this might work. You don't need to be picking up after his kid and plus he's 8. You need to go out, enjoy urself and let him make a mess with his kid and when u get home, throw everything in the garbage. Don't let him get to you.
2007-04-25 14:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by Angelys 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you asked him to clean up after himself? You're treating him like a child by cleaning up after him. I'm sure he needs clean clothes and dishes to eat off of. Clean just your own space and your own things for your use. I hope you can deal with this for life, because if you don't nip it in the bud it won't change.
2007-04-25 13:57:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Threaten to not give him any loving if he doesn't smarten up. Or try to reward him with something sexual. He'll respond for sure!
2007-04-25 14:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by drunkviking11 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
dont give him any for 2 weeks if he doesn't or encourage him by wearing something sexy or making romantic dinner if he does it of course he needs to do it nice
2007-04-25 13:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by morenitasohk 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋