Should i tell my father i'm a homosexual?

Question

I am a 17 year old, male homosexual, and i was wondering if i should tell my father, who is the only other person in my household. Hes quite a racist/prejudice jerk most of the time, but sometimes he gives off a vibe like maybe he'd accept it. It's scary to even think about getting myself to do it though cause i happen to think hes clinically insane, and he has many episodes of screaming at people who aren't there, but actually exist. (I know the names) He says they are wispering and messing with him, which makes me wonder if hes even a fit parent cause hes been this way since i can remember, and i know it's had some scarring affect on me. But, he brings that problem of his into my world and he insists that they are always telling me to do or say things that he doesn't approve of, and no matter how hard i try, i can't get through to him that it doesn't make sense. But in any case, do you think i can open up to a man like this and telling him i'm gay and I have a boyfriend?

Answer 1

Tell him, because it's an important thing in your life.

Answer 2

You are still a very young guy and you do not need a big problem at your age in life - my advice is not to tell you farther - you do not know what the result will be - enjoy your boyfriend on the quiet and move on and out of home when you can - there is no need to upset your farther as he (for all his faults and good points) is the only family member that you have.

Your farther sounds like he is skitsofrencic (wrong spel;ing I know) - so I would sugest that you should get him some medical atentin if you can - sometimes these guys can be very difficult, but if medical help can be got, then it will make his and everyones life much easier..............

Sooner or later he will know taht yo are gay but maybe will not wish to discuss it with you so leave it at that - you sexuality is you inclination and your feeling about others - it really does have nothing to do with any other person and you should not be influenced by that - my advice is to keep it cool and keep it quiet - and get on with your life - most people will not care, as long as you do not bring it to their attention.

hope tha you get on ok - Best wishes,

Enjoy your boyfriend and have fun - just take all your problems slowly - they always take a wile to sought out........

John .

Answer 3

Hi there. Well here it goes. My opinion is that yes I think you should tell your father. I was in your position at one time so I know what your feeling and what your going through. He too seemed pretty racist and because of that would discourage me every time. I finally told myself maybe the only way for him to stop saying racial slurs against homosexual men would be for him to find out his own son is gay. Now he never says a peep about gay men. In any case my advice would be to be sure several individuals are with you just in case, do not do it alone. Only because the way you make it sound is he is mentally unstable and therefor the extra presence in case he loses it because there is that possibility.

Hope everything goes well for you and if you need someone to talk to I am here.

Lucky Star

Answer 4

I recently came out and although I have fairly accepting parents, it was still a big shock to them as well as the rest of my family. To make situation even more difficult, I told them I was gay and introduced my boyfriend at the same time. You are only 17, you have your whole life to be gay. There is no rush for you to go out and tell the world. From what you say about your dad, I am not sure telling him something like this is the best move. I would wait until you are at least out on your own and are able to support yourself. I mean there are two ways that he can react to your coming out. One he can be understanding, or two he can freak out and kick you out. I don't want to scare you, but just realize the possibilities of your actions. If you want to talk email me and I will be more than happy to talk with you.

Answer 5

Don't tell him....yet!

You need to make sure you have an 'insurance' in case things go wrong. Can you arrange somewhere to stay if things get heated or he throws you out?

You say he has periods of screaming at imaginary people...Has he got a history of violence? If so, is it possible he could turn violent on you?

Personally, I would wait until you leave home until I told him. At least then, if he reacts badly, you won't have to live under the same roof as him! Also, when you do tell him, do it in a public place in case he doesn't take the news too well.

If he's as difficult to live with as you say, I'd look a the moving out pronto! It can't be doing your own mental health any good to live in that environment.

Answer 6

There are always possibilities for dilemma. With the situation we are into, is not only your father need to know but also the society at large. To tell or or not is best that we have to consider when. Eventually what make us happy is when we are accepted. We have to consider the consequences during the time of exposure. You wont break an egg after you boil them hard. I suppose if father is of conservative type for all the years he can never accept. Is a painful truth but all individual has to adjust to society. I wish you good luck. Tell him when the time is right. When both are ready and of sound mind.

Answer 7

If I were you, I would wait until you are 18 and out of the house. I would recommend that you do everything that you can to make yourself independent, so no matter what you do not have to depend on him. Then, if it will make you feel better tell him. Is your father in counseling? It sounds like he does have problems that counseling and medication could help. I am sorry that he has to live his life like this, because it does not sound pleasant. I also worry for you, because I know that it has to be scary to live with him. I hope that your boyfriend is supportive, and that you have other friends that you can count on, because that will help. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

Answer 8

Talking aloud go people who aren't there isn't psychotic in itself, but "screaming" at them and thinking they are talking back is a sign he should surely be evaluated by a psychiatrist. It's unlikely you will be successful in prompting him to seek help, so if you are living under the same roof, I wouldn't do anything that might upset him. And that includes introducing something often difficult for normal people to handle--that their son admits he is gay.

There is great downside risk in bringing up this whole subject and giving him something else to deal with in his own mind, and no upside advantage whatsoever.

You can only make things worse for yourself and your father under these circumstances.

Answer 9

I can understand and totally respect your need and desire to come out and be honest dude, but man...based on how you've described your father... I would have to say "hell no"... at least for now. I think you need to hold this info on the "down low" until you're old enough to move out on your own. I don't think it's his initial reactions would be half as bad as those you would endure over time whenever he goes on a "rant" man. Go ahead and "live the lie" for a few more years. As much as this might suck to you.... I think you'll be better off.

Peace dude

Answer 10

I wouldn't tell him quite yet. Wait until you are fully ready to accept what you may go through. Unfortunetly...especially for someone you described as your dad...might react in an abnormal matter to that and you have to be emotionally ready for what he has in store. He should love you no matter what in the way you want to live your life so hopefully he will think the same way.

Good Luck.

Answer 11

Your sexual orientation is your business. Not your dad's. Not anyone else's just you. You are who and how you are, if you accept it, fine. But don't think that just because he is your father he will understand. From your description, it sounds like your father could use some help. I wouldn't do or say anything that might tip him over the edge further.

One more thing... Be good to yourself and who you are. Always! HUGS