Sex addiction???

Question

My girlfriend thinks I'm with her just for sex. I never meant to make her feel that way. I love her for so much more than that. She only really wants sex when she knows she can't have it. That is very difficult for me to deal with, because I don't know how to not want it! Anyway, The reason she thinks I only want her for sex is because I get frustrated when she doesn't want to make love with me. I get frustrated because I feel like she doesn't find me as sexy as I find her. I know that's not the case; my sex drive is just too high. I've tried so hard not to come on to her. Everytime I go out to see her, I tell myself, "I wont come on to her, I wont come on to her", but once I'm there, I can't help myself! I try to hold back. But by the end of the night I can't anymore. I've tried "taking care of myself" before seeing her, hoping it would reduce my drive, but once I'm with her again... I just can't control myself!

How can I lower my drive? How can I stop wanting it??

Answer 1

What a funny question. There are guys all over the world wishing they had more drive. Okay, I'll try to answer this from a few points of view.

1. You mention that she only wants it when you won't give it up. Maybe she's the kind of girl who only wants what she can't have. She takes what she does have for granted. I know you say you can't control yourself, but doesn't it make you want to hold back if you know you wont get any? Wait, do you want what you can't have? Maybe this is an incompatibility thing.

2. Maybe she's tired of the same old thing. Do you try different times of the day? What about trying to seduce her instead of rip her clothes off? Or try to rip her clothes off instead of seduce her. Do you try different positions, lotions, oils, candles? Maybe play a sex game. If everytime you see her you sit down and watch a movie then try to paw at her, she's not going to be interested. Maybe let her call the shots one night. Be creative!

3. You absolutly must have dates and time away from home. Although of course you can have sex in the car and other public places, your chances of having sex are less likely. Take her to a movie, dinner, then take her home and LEAVE. If you live with her I don't know what to tell you. I know it will be frustrating, but you have to prove to her that you're dating and not just f***ing.

4. And this is for you, if this doesn't work, OMG go find someone who can appreciate your sex drive. She can't just mess with you like that. You send her on her way and go find someone else. There are plenty of wonderful women who will if your lady doesn't.

Answer 2

It could be that she doesn't see herself the way you see her. Maybe she doesn't believe that someone could view her as being sexy. You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because if you stop showing her how much you want her, then she'll feel inadequate, but if you continue to do what you do, then she thinks you're just in it for sex. Maybe you two need to sit down and talk or if that can't happen, slow it down a bit and take care of yourself at home in the meantime. Take her out on dates, give her a kiss and then tell her that you're there whenever she's ready. And if she chooses a time where she knows she can't have it, then explain to her why and discuss a time that you two can mutually agree on.

Answer 3

I very much doubt that you can stop wanting it. I'm the same way you are, however, I have made it really clear to my girlfriend, that it's not like that. Girls like what they can't have. Play your game backwards. Tease her a little and back off, let her know you don't plan on giving her any. Maybe this way she will come on to you and you both can enjoy it. If you don't think that would work, then when you go see her and start getting that urge, leave the room and get some fresh air or something to calm yourself down. Now, you can try seducing her, which is much different that trowing yourself on her. I hope this advise works, I have to make it work for me ; )
Good Luck!

Answer 4

first i know way too much about sexual addiction and you don't sound like your an addict. Unless you are also fantasizing about other women all the time too, a compulsive masterbater, or are a serial cheater. If you are young then it may be that you have an over abundance of testosterone and you can go see a doctor to have that tested and there may be a medicine that can regulate this.. As for your girl friend thinking you are sexy she probably does but wants to do other things other than sex. Maybe after you've gotten your testosterone fixed she may want to have sex again with you as much as you'd like her to.

Answer 5

You sound very normal. You are obviously very attracted to your girlfriend, and that is very good for her and for you.

Her sexual peak happens in her mid 30s. Yours is happening right about now. Holding back will only bring you pain.

Perhaps seeing her a little less often, not too less often, but a little less, will help keep it "interesting" for her (the being coy tactic you mention). Or, on occasion, go out with her, kiss her goodnight, and go home and take care of yourself. Show her a good time without sex in the picture.

The important thing is to let her know that you just don't want her for sex. So satisfying your sexual needs must become secondary on many occasions, until you can find the right "rhythm" for your sexual relationship.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Whoa! That sounds very hard (sorry for the joke). Seriously, what type of work do you do where that's all you think about? Been there. I had to concentrate on other things. I basically had a high sex drive and it drove my husband crazy. I was trying to show my love but in the wrong way. I figured this was the best way to do it but I was basically chasing him away. When he rejected me, I got angry and looked for other ways and wound up messing up my marriage trying to satisfy my own selfish desires. That is great you are sexually attracted to her but you have to concentrate it in other ways. Men go with a reaction or a way it feels. It may be what you want and maybe she doesn't. Have you asked her about whether or not she likes having sex all the time? Sometimes we women like to be hugged, held and stroked not pounded on like a horny dog humping on a leg. If this continues to be a problem, seek counseling. It will help you to understand what is going on.

Answer 7

A sexual dependancy isn't defined plenty via one's movements because it incredibly is yet how plenty time it occupies and how plenty does it disrupts your existence. how many hours do you spend consistent with day questioning approximately or appearing on sexual ideas and/or urges? How plenty consequence has the dependancy had on your existence? In what way might your existence strengthen in case you have been waiting to regulate the obsession? you do not might desire to be spending your final greenback on prostitutes or masturbating 37 situations an afternoon to qualify as having a intercourse dependancy. if your obsession is inflicting you project on your existence, you have got a topic.

Answer 8

Honestly, this sounds like a much deeper issue. For starters it sounds as if the cat & mouse thing turns you on. It seems like the more you know she's going to resist the more you want it. Maybe you should try not to run after her so much & then maybe she won't run from you so much. You can control it if you want to but you have to want to.

Another thing is that I think you may be trying to validate yourself through sex. Like it makes you feel better about you or something. When you learn how to seperate you from your ego maybe you can get a better handle on things.

Answer 9

You can't and shouldn't lower your sex drive. This is her problem not yours. You just need to find someone new, someone that has the same level of sex drive. Not everyone is meant to be together. If she can't take care of your needs then you need to get rid of her.

The fact that she says you only want her for sex isn't a good sign. She has problems that you shouldn't have to deal with, she just isn't worth your time.

Move on and you will be happier.

Answer 10

well I'm a female and to tell you the truth im addicted to sex i end up raping him when hes sleeping that's how bad it is but i cant help it you know it is just something that makes us us, remember its you and in some cases adults will tell you you need counseling 4 no it is something you and your partner can work on u ever need to talk my email is [e-mail]