The deal was if she returned to school and graduated she had a place to stay in our home. We found out that she not only smokes marijuana but she has also been selling it. I want her out of our house, what do you think? She won't answer any questions, she just states we should just leave her alone.
2007-04-25 09:53:17 · 12 answers · asked by Chatty Cathi 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
More details, we adopted our daughter when she was 6 years old. She suffers from ADHD, Fetal Alcohol and early childhood abuse. From the get go she could not attach to our family. We have tried every counselor available, doctors, psychiatric and psychological intervention, nothing helps. Now she refuses to go to school, will not take her medication, smokes pot and is sexually active. Over the last two years her behavior has become intolerable, we want to help but she only wants a place to stay, will not talk to us and will not obey the rules of the house. We are at our wits end. Any help is appreciated.
2007-04-25 12:14:00 · update #1
There comes a point when all you are doing for the troubled child begins to negatively impact the rest of the family.
You've tried everything else. All you have left is tough love. If it were me, I'd have her arrested, and not let her back in my home. It sounds like she's had a troubled life, and I'm thankful she had somebody like you to try to help her along the way. But to outright disrespect your family by possessing drugs in your home is unacceptable. You have to draw the line. You have to allow her to suffer the natural consequences of her actions, IMO.
I wish you all the best of luck with this.
2007-04-25 16:23:58 · answer #1 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First it's something going wrong. She has issues that needs to be dealt with. Talk to her and see why she is doing what she is doing. I remember when I was in high school I was skipping school everyday, drinking, smoking marijuana, fighting, and having sex. It took tough love from my parents. what I mean by tough love I mean they were always on me constantly making sure I didn't give up. Even though I didn't understand then but I understand know that, that was the best thing for me. Then reality sat in, realizing that if I kept going that way I was going to be nothing in life. I then went back to school and graduate on time with my friends. I'm currently in college getting my associates degree. If it wasn't because of my parents not giving up on me I wouldn't have made it this far. We as parents don't have a choice of being a parent, it takes hard work and prayer. As for your daughter we as parents have to be the parent and not the child be the parent. When you ask a question it gets answered because leave me alone is not an answer. A parent role is to correct their child, this problem with her mouth has been there and should have been corrected a long time ago. It's never to late for things to turn around for the better, let her know your there for her and your always going to be there.
2007-04-25 18:08:14 · answer #2 · answered by Danny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for some intervention. And do this before she turns 18! You need to get her to a doctor for a complete check up and then to a counselor. She might need drug rehab. Be a parent and take control of this situation. She's 17! When she hits 18 and gets caught selling and using...that felony will be on her record for life.
2007-04-25 17:01:59 · answer #3 · answered by janice 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to talk to her about getting help, counseling, etc? Has she refused? If you have set the ground rules and offered assistance to this problem and she has still refused to cooperate, I think you should have her live on her own. She will realize just how hard it is and you should not feel guilty. For the sake of your other children and not having the police raid your home, I think you should put your foot down and tell her this will stop or she's out. There is no excuse for such behavior. If she won't talk, you can't help. If you offer help and she refuses, you have no choice. Hope it works out for you.
2007-04-25 17:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by MD4Christ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you use an all or nothing approach that is useless and puts the blame on her....you can't just leave her alone and I dont think its legal to put her out. You can take her to family court. But I would suggest you join an alanon group or better an alanon family group, attend a meeting that is held at a local clinic or rehab facility to meet other parents who are farther down the road than you.
2007-04-25 18:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That kind of sounds like people I know, and some what like myself. I didn't attend high school and in the long run I hurt for that mistake now.I didnt like where I was, and hard love didnt make me want to attend school anymore then just asking me too.I liked where I was in life,and thought I was doing fine.What dose she like? Get her into that. Alot teens do this kind of thing because they want something better to do and sometimes that idea is turned bad instead of something good. Sports,and hobbies are the things to push onto kids when their young. But the best thing to do is let her know whats its like to have things really hard and she might change her mind about things.hope that helps some.
2007-04-25 17:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by bugnitak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not help her till she wants real help and not to just use people that help her. Let her know she needs to find a friend to live with until she really wants your help. Do not know local laws on when you can put her out but here the law is I have to give 30 days notice to force them to leave. If she wants to be left alone she has the option to leave. As long as your property and she is your daughter just keep on her. Check her stuff regular if not daily. Sorry but know your feeling we just do not have the drug problem.
2007-04-25 17:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a teenager, I'm not a mom to one yet.
But, I would say, she is testing her limits. Trying to get you to give up on her. I would take away everything she could possibly want. Books, Cellphone, computer access, freedom, car, everything. But, its going to suck to be you and your hubby because you are going to have to follow up with her all the time. It's a hard job being a parent but I don't think we are ever supposed to give up on our children. (this may just be easy for me to say because my eldest is 4. I am not judging... but you can't take it back once you decide to kick her out.... so why not take some more time to decide?)
2007-04-25 17:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by Katie C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is only 17
you should take her to some place were they can help her like juvenile prison or something. A drug center something i don't know but something will be better than letting her in the street that could only take her to a worst end. Please help your child i can believe you really thinking of just kicking her out.
2007-04-25 17:02:03 · answer #9 · answered by user 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in tough love. If she doesn't respect you enough to keep your part of the bargain then out she goes. What are you teaching her by letting her live in your house and getting away with these things? Let her try foster care for awhile, I bet she'll be singing a different tune. God doesn't hand us a life on a silver platter why should we do it for our children. God bless
2007-04-25 17:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by kittykat 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋