He pays most of the time when we eat. Mostly fast food, since we are both not big cookers and are both on pretty tight budgets. I am always very aware of what I am ordering and try to order as little as possible to be considerate to him, but I do still expect him to pay. I am a student who also works 30 + hours a week as a receptionist, trying to save and pay off my credit debt. He works full time, has no credit to pay off and makes much more than me. My point is that I am trying to save money for OUR future (since I am 99% sure I will spend the rest of my life with him) and I consider going to school as part of that, since As soon as I graduate I will most likely be making more than him. So is it unfair of me to ask him to pay all the time? I do "treat" him every once and awhile. Be brutally honest here. I would hate to be unfair and need an honest opinion.
2007-04-25 07:21:24 · 29 answers · asked by whattodo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just an added note, My savings was used for the down payment on his car, as well as many other big purchases for the both of us, so for those of you who say I need to grow up....
2007-04-25 07:40:06 · update #1
If he does not mind no problem. I pay for everything when I take my GF out. But trust this, it is very nice and a big plus if you pull a surprise and pay the tab once in a while. It lets us guys know that you are concious of the fact we are spending all this money and that you are willing to step up to the plate and be responsible. It makes us feel very at ease.
2007-04-25 07:29:27 · answer #1 · answered by Adapted_For_The_Screen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he's cool with it there isn't a problem. It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship. Now-a-days, people tend to like things more or less 50/50. But there's no problem with the "old fashioned" way of doing things, so long as both people involved are good with it.
It only becomes unfair when the guy begins feeling used or doesn't agree with it, so just make sure this is cool with him and it's okay. None of us can tell you how he feels about it so it's something you'll have to talk to him about.
My boyfriend and I usually do dinner (not fast food) and a movie or something. He'll pay for the dinner and I'll pay for the movie. He makes much, much more than me. Now after reading all of these replies, I'm tempted to let him pay for the whole night and see what he does!
2007-04-25 14:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not bad that he pays most of the time. But what's BAD is you guys eat out every night. Add up all the money you spend now really do this and see just how much money you spend in a year,there are 352 days in a year add that up. Now you have all these dreams on saving money when you see what you spend in a year on fast food you will be shocked. You need to learn how to cook and set a budget for yourselves. You want to go to school that cost money. You have gas,rent,utilities and plus. Learn to spend WISELY.
2007-04-25 16:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by hndlwthcrepls 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your both off to a good start relationship wise. Your both investing in each other because your in a serious relationship with plan's for your future together. It's in both your best interest for you to get rid of that credit card debt. I'm sure because he has the money and enjoys treating you out he's fine with the arrangement. But once in a while offer to pay or make him a meal to let him know you appreciate him, no one wants to be taken for granted.
2007-04-25 14:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by cream city chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE is does it bother HIM?? If he's made no comments about this then why worry?? I do understand the whole guilt thing....but listen up here.....when a man pays all the time it's usually because they want to and it makes them feel good about themselves to do so....if he couldn't afford it do you really think that he would pay all the time?? I have been with my man for over 3 years too and i at first felt a tad uncomfortable with him payin all the time, but like you and yours....he makes more than I do and i have kids to support.....but when we go out anywhere it's just a given that he's gonna pay.....If you want to make yourself feel better about the whole situation, think of something that HE really likes.....wether it be sex, a certain type of food you can cook....how about a dessert?? Bake em his fav. pie or cake and let him take the WHOLE thing home....surprise him with a home made card telling him how your right where you want to be....or tell him how wonderful you feel that he is to you.....there's a MILLION things that you could do to let him know that you appreciate him and the things he does for you.....but like i had said....if he didn't want to he wouldn't....he'd eat before comming to get you!
If your gonna get married and spend the rest of your life with this guy your gonna have to figure out a way to be less uptight about the whole thing.....good luck honey and remember....there's nothing wrong with him paying.....your workin your butt off for the future so there's nothing wrong with letting him take care of now.....
2007-04-25 14:40:23 · answer #5 · answered by red_rkt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he's okay with it, don't worry too much. I'm sure he understands the situation.
Any "guy should pay" answers you get are from shallow selfish people, and really are not true advice. So unless he starts to object to paying all the time, you should be fine. But you should be willing to pay more often if it starts to be an issue. Maybe not 50%, since you have less money, but more than you are now.
2007-04-25 14:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's OK that he pays most of the time, but you should do it sometimes. Take a more equal role in this. When you get out of school, the paying may change, so start doing it now, even if it takes a couple of extra months to pay off a credit card.
2007-04-25 14:24:57 · answer #7 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you feel guilty and that you've made excuses for yourself, about why you don't pay.
Why not just start going 'dutch' unless it's an actual date? Then you needn't feel guilty and he needn't feel he's always paying the bill.
No matter what you are saving for, it doesn't make his money less valuable than yours. That he pays without fussing (or you didn't mention any) says good things about him...but if the budgets for you both are really so tight, I'd recommend buying some groceries and eating in more often.
2007-04-25 14:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should treat him once in a while since he could feel taken advantage of financially. You are right that you still need to pay off your debt and finish school but that is your situation not his.. well not yet... You need to show him that you appreciate him paying for things and also treat him once in a while even if he is paying the majority of the time.
2007-04-25 14:27:25 · answer #9 · answered by tivaj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"....but I do still expect him to pay."
Personally, I'd tell you chipping in or beat it. This isn't the 1950s, lady. You're both working full time jobs and I'm guessing neither one of you is Donald Trump. You've been dating 3 years....the courtship is over and you need to pay in what you've been getting out.
That's my opinion. If your boyfriend has no problem with you leeching off of him (which - please make no mistake - that's what you're doing) then I suppose there's no real issue here other than your concionse.
Why is it his fault you have credit debt? (Answer: It's not). Why is it his faul he makes more money than you? (Answer: It's not)
You're not considering your future together - your putting all your money to pay off YOUR debt while he pays for all your food. Nice gig.
Once again - if your man has no problem with this - lucky you. Personally, I think you need to grow up.
2007-04-25 14:29:40 · answer #10 · answered by mantoothnation 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋