Parents/Doctors/females is it wrong for me to say this?

Question

I am 21 and I have 3 blood disorders, 1 was transfered from parent, 1 was developed and not sure where the other came from hehe, can't remember specific names off the top of my head.

I have decided that I do not want to have children, because I could never live with myself if 1 of these disorders were carried over to my child. I don't want them to ever have to go through the testing, medications, and hardships I have to endure each day/week just to stay healthy.

In most cases I would probably adopt or choose not to have children alltogether. Is this a major turn-off for women if I inform you of my attentions not to have children with you.

Additional info for those who read "i don't know the specific names, hehe" I just meant I don't know the medical names, like homogenical or whatever. But I don't have aids or anything of the sort.

Answer 1

im a 23 year old with medical problems of my own so no it wouldnt be an issue with me as i have the same thoughts. However im guessing guys are the same frame of mind they want their own kids so im a lil worried myself.

I think there are great men and women out there that would be very loving and caring and will love you for you as same with me despite what we have to deal with. If you are a great person you shouldn;t have a problem kinding a person who loves you for you and will understand your train of thought. They will also respect it so keep your head up and there should be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I Gotta believe it too.

Answer 2

There is a difference between being the biological parent of a child and fathering a child. Just because they weren't your sperm, doesn't mean that you can't be a great father. You and the future wife could adopt, use a sperm donor, or you could marry a woman with a child from a previous relationship.

If you are concerned about passing on your disorders, that is a very unselfish thing, that women can appreciate. There may be some disappointment at first, but the right woman will want to be with you regardless; especially if you are willing to be a parent, even if the child isn't biologically yours.

Answer 3

Bravo-- I think that you are making a very difficult but morally responsible decision. I'll be honest though, and admit that if I had met you in my 20's and gotten into a relationship with you, this would have been hard for me to swallow, as I already knew I wanted to bear children of my own with my future husband. I can't say for sure whether this would have been a relationship-ender for me, as I was never faced with that choice.

I would hazard a guess, though, that there will be women in your life like me at some point. But there will also come along women who either feel similarly to you, or bearing her own children physically may not be as important on her priority list. So don't despair that this will "ruin" your chances of finding the "right" woman. I suspect that when the time is right, she will find her way into your life and everything will work out perfectly.

Best wishes...

Answer 4

I think that deciding not to have children because of what they may possibly have to go through is so commendable. I think that would make you a great parent because you are putting your children first. However, deciding not to have children or that adoption is a possibility would be hard for a woman to cope with if she has already decided to have children in her life. But if you have made up your mind, then the person that you want to spend your life with should understand that. If she wants children, then ya'll are not meant to be together. Also, adoption and ruling out children all together is not the only way to go. Your future spouse can have a sperm donor. Though I think that is creepy. But don't feel bad in the choice you have made. It is very brave and selfless of you to make that decision. Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds like you have made a responsible decision to me. You might want to also consider getting a vasectomy if that's medically possible for you so that you wouldn't have to worry about birth control when you do get into a committed relationship.
When i met my husband and we got serious, he told me that due to a very low sperm count that he would probably never be able to father children. We both decided that we would adopt if and when we ever wanted children. Imagine our surprise when i turned up pregnant! Just to show that doctors don't know everything!
But anyway not every woman wants children. I'm sure that you will find a woman who understands your situation and would be willing to adopt, use a sperm donor, or not have any at all! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Not all women want children. Not all women can have children. Some women want to adopt. You have nothing to worry about. I applaud you for not being selfish and wanting to have children and risk their lives by giving them the disorders that you have. Many people take the chance anyway and subject their child to unnecessary pain. The woman you decide to have a life with will know about your situation and will understand. If she is the one for you. So this will be something that the two of you can talk about together.

Answer 7

If I met you in a bar and you walked up to me and said "Hey, goodlookin, my name is Jerry, and I don't want to have kids," Yeah, that would be weird and would probably drastically reduce the number of women you would date.

If the conversation comes up in the normal course of a relationship, it's perfectly okay for you to say you would have reservations about bringing a child into the world, but I think that in the course of any relationship, that's something that should be open for further conversation. Basically, if you're madly in love with a girl you can't live your life without, and this girl has dreamed of being called Mommy by a little kid who looks just like her and her husband, I think you should both be open to discussing and considering all options.

Also, when you have this conversation, know the names of the disorders you have. It will make you more credible.

Also, talk to your doctors (I assume you have a hematologist, yes?) and ask about the likelihood that one or more of these could be passed to your children. LOTS of people have physical, mental or emotional issues they worry about passing on to their children. That doesn't mean they don't have the kids. If only perfect specimens reproduced, 99% of us would be childless.

Answer 8

I think if you are straight up with the girl about your blood disorders when you first get to know her then I think you will be able to decide from there. There is a possibility that she won't care and then if she's the right one you two can always adopt. If she wants to have a baby natural then you two probably won't work out. My best suggestion would be to be honest with the girl and see what she has to say. All women are different and respond to things different as I'm sure you will find out.

Answer 9

I think this is a very personal choice for you--one you haven't taken lightly and are in fact looking out for your child's potential for suffering. I think that since you aren't saying that you don't want children, only that you don't want a biological child by you, it would not be a turnoff. If you said you don't want children, then yes, it might be a turn off for someone who does. I would breech the subject just as you did here--due to your personal experiences w/ your illness, you do not want to subject your child to these experiences. If you want children, though, tell her and that you would look into alternative methods of conception. You could get sperm from a bank if she wants a child that is biologically hers or adopt, if she's open to it. You'll find the right person and she'll accept your choice--actually, she'll embrace it. If you don't want kids, you'll find someone who doesn't as well. I don't think you can get past one person wanting them and the other not wanting them. That could lead to a lot of resentment for either side later down the line. Good luck, and I'm sure you'll find someone who understands and supports your decision. :)

Answer 10

I dont see it as a turn off personally I see it as you being totally up front and honest with them. I believe that it's a good thing that you want to get everything out in the open before settling down with someone and if they truly love you then they will accept you decision especially if they see what all you have to go through. A child is a child and if you both really want one there are other things that you can do like adopt which really isnt going to make you love the child anyless that if they were your own.