Can Somebody tell me a funny joke?

Question

i'm not having a good day :(

Answer 1

the farmers wife is startled awake one night when her husband kick the door open to the bed room
she rubs her eyes and sees the farmer standing in the doorway with a sheep under his arm

wife: what do you want now?
farmer: this is the pig i f*** when you have a head ache he said
wife: that's a sheep you idiot!!!!!
farmer: i wasn't talking to you woman!!!!

Answer 2

If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg?
* You only get laid once.
* You only get eaten once.
* It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft.
* You share your box with 11 other guys.
* But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.

So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!!

A professer from the Washington State University was doing a test on children, so he brought in a bunch of first graders then he gave each of them a lifesaver all the kids got the same colour at the same time.

Red=Cherry
Green=Lime
Orange=Orange
Yellow=Lemon

Then he gave them all a honey flavored one after a while all the children couldn't figure it out so the professer gives them a hint "This is something your mommy might call your daddie"

Then one little girl looked at the professer and the other children in horror then she yells "Spit them out there assholes"

Answer 3

Here is one:
a rabii, an indian (not native american indian), and a lawyer were driving down the road.
When night came they decided to stop in rural motel. All of the rooms were full, except one.
When they got into the room they realized there was only one bed and one couch. They
realized one of them could sleep in the hotel barn with the animals.
"I will sleep with the animals," said the indian.
So he left the room. Ten minutes later he knocks on the door. the lawyer opens the door.
"Sorry I can't sleep in there. There is a cow in there and cows are the sacred animal in
India," announced The Indian.
"Okay I will go," said the rabii.
He left. a few moments later they hear a knock on the door. It was the rabii.
"I cant sleep in there. a pig is in there and pigs are against my beliefs."
"Fine. I will go," said the lawyer.
A few minutes later they heard a knock on the door. This time it was the animals in the bar

Answer 4

Here are my favorites:

...please don't be offended:

(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"

Answer 5

there was a young squirrel who wanted to get on the other side of the road. i wast a very vusy road, so he didn't know how.
at a time, he saw two rabbits, jumping from one side to the other. he asked: "how do you guys do that"
the rabbit answered:"first, you look to the left side, then to the right, then again to the left. if nothing is coming, run like hell"
the squirrel wanted to try it, but the rabbit said: "wait, if there is a car coming when you're running, aim between the headlights and lay down."
the rabbit showed how it's done, and the squirrel jumped after him. but suddenly a car was coming, he aimed between the headlights and layd down.
SPHLATSCH
rabbit to the other rabbit: you don't see them very often anymore, cars with three weels.

Answer 6

There's that joke about the cannibal who came late to dinner.

They gave him the cold shoulder.

Answer 7

The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face. "What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked. "It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my **** and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver. "Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"

Answer 8

Why did the chicken cross the road???

to get to the other side!!!



I know, I know...... it's not really funny but i thought it might make you laugh..... hope you have a better day tommorow

Answer 9

FUNNY joke !!! u asked for it !!!1

Answer 10

Sure!

There was this guy who went to the ice cream parlor and really wanted some chocolate ice cream. So, he walks in and asks for a double scoop of chocolate.

"Can I have a double scoop of chocolate?" the man says.

"Sorry sir, we're out of chocolate."

"Ah man, well, can I have a single scoop of chocolate???" says the man.

"Sorry sir, I told you, we're out of chocolate."

Well, hmmm, well, can I just have just a spoon full of ice cream, please??? says the man.

"Sir, can you spell the "straw" in strawberry???"

"S-T-R-A-W" says the man.

"Now, can you spell the "van" in vanilla???"

"V-A-N"

"Okay, spell the "freak" in chocolate."

"THERE IS NO FREAK IN CHOCOLATE!"