How do you address a rude Chief of the Boat?

Question

Went to an official function with my husband. The COB was mingling and being social. He came up to my husband and shook his hand. My husband went to re-introduce me. (polite thing to do) And the COB held up his hand and said "I know you alredy" and walked away. I am the VP for the family readiness group and have asked for assistance recently but, we are a new group and I admit my husband is only an E-4 (I am also new to the navy... only 3 yrs).

So, how do I take this matter? Was he truly being rude or am I just viewing it the wrong way? Many of the crew truly dislike him, I maintain a working relationship with him because that is the correct thing to do. Do I readdress the matter with him? If so, how?

Answer 1

I would take that as rude also. Not the comment about not needing an introduction again (in fact I'd take that part as a rather rough compliment) but him walking away. While I was our FRG's President, I've had our COB and even our CO walk away from me at a social function but always with a quick explanation about what they needed to finish or who they needed to say good-bye to.

Personally though, I wouldn't bring the matter up with him again. You need to have a working relationship with him as an FRG VP, not a social relationship. Write him off as a sort of social incompetent and keep that in mind when dealing with him in the semi-social situations that official functions are. As long as you keep things professional and he's still willing to work with you in that capacity nothing else has to matter.

Answer 2

I can sympathize with you. I was the Ombudsman for my husband's Command and really enjoyed doing it. His CO was outstanding and kept in constant contact with me, which you know how important that is when you're the go between the spouse and the CO. But as soon as we received a new CO, he would either go months without contacting me or was short and rude when we did talk. I finally resigned because I couldn't work under those conditions, and though I knew my job had nothing to do with my husband's job, ( My husband is a Chief ) I figure if I went off on this CO he would find some way to take it out on my husband and I wasn't willing to do that.
If this was a one time thing, I wouldn't make too big of a deal over it, but if he's often rude to you then you should definitely speak up. My husband told me I should speak my mind, but I felt it would just be easier to resign. I'm not at all suggesting you do that, but that was the best thing for my situation. Bottom line, you don't deserve for someone to treat you like that. Especially a US Navy Chief who knows that it's completely inappropriate to treat a spouse of one of his sailors in such a disrespectful way.

Answer 3

When your husband is not around be rude back but be polite about it. When fired upon-return fire!

I reread you question, I don't think he meant it to be rude although I could see how it came off that way. He might have been in a rush, had a bad day, or meant it in a affectionate way as in "Your wife is a memorable woman, no need for the reintroduction". Let it go and see if it happens again, then I would suggest you engage him in a conversation and bring it up....politely.

Try to remember military functions are an overly polite and formal affairs, the men are instructed with guidelines to follow and sometimes a gesture meant to be gentlemanly comes off as arrogant and superior. I'm a Marine infantryman and have attended many such functions, I had humble beginnings in the projects of Brooklyn but my extended family held formal events so I had a hand up on most when it came to etiquette. Take everything with a grain of salt.

Answer 4

"rude" perhaps busy
perhaps not wanting to "talk shop" at a social

COB knows every fitting, seal, valve and the 1,000 other things that make that boat go.

Many things are better accomplished by the XO and COB as
each has several hundred folks pulling at them allowing the Skipper to keep his head clear enough to get the job done.

XO's and COB's are often compared to such as Captain Bligh or worse.

Besides this is not a great forum for talking about such as
it is just something that belongs elsewhere. Suggestions on interpersonal skills and interactions are what you need - generic advise - not talking aboot something that can be read by others. It (Silent Service) is a very small family.

Answer 5

Best thing for you to do is forget about it. Don't make waves with the COB because if he takes it personally and he's the type of person that holds a grudge, he can make your husband's life a miserable existance. COB's have a way of doing things and most of them are pretty "salty" and these types of functions are not what they were bred for. Submarines and her crews belong at sea, not making nicey with the brass. He won't be your husbands COB forever so just let it go and move on.

Answer 6

best thing to do is let it go. Or simply say "Yes Master Chief" (or Senior chief as the case may be). My father was a COB. And he was called "the Bull" They are supposed to be tough. Not worth pursuing. Sorry it happened it would have pi''ed me off as well.

Answer 7

Let it go. Why are you so offended? Maybe he was just saying that you two has met and he did not say it in the right manner. Why get your panties in a knot over this simple gaff or slip or protocol.

Answer 8

nah, it sounds like the guy isn't worth the effort you are talking about putting into this.

also, be aware that some people really don't know any better.

and remember that living well is the best revenge...

Answer 9

I agree with everybody's comment's in here, just let it go.