GF's Bad Ass Psycho Ex Husband called me?

Question

My girlfriend and I are temporarily split up. She has 3 kids and we all get along real well. She has an ex from 4 years prior who is the kids father. He is a REAL bad ass who abused her and everyone else for that matter. He keyed my car and found my phone number by breaking into my car. When he called he threatened that something was going to happen to me if i dont stay away from his kids and that he didnt care. He now knows where I live and says he has friends who do his dirty work. He has also told the kids that he likes cracking skulls and wants his fist to meet my nose.
My GF thinks i should be concerned, though thinks he wouldnt do anything. I am taking the easier road and just saying "I'll pass" because of his violent past . I do care for her a lot and she is doubting this.
As well, I recently have been vigilant to protect myself and home. This past week i have some evidence that someone has tried to get into my front door early in the morning 2 times. I am scared

She knows his behaviour and says that he would only "get in my face" and yell. She says that she would make it a two on one thing, but we do live in separate homes. She advises me to carry mace and to use it as well. I am getting mixed messages from her. Given has past assault charges I think anything is possible, but she claims that barking dogs don t bite. Evidence suggests that he does bite however. And in a one on one fight I would be clobbered unless I had a bat. I live in Canada so we dont use guns quite like in the USA.
She thinks he is doing all this to get back with her and the kids, but there is no way in hell she will ever reconcile with this jacka$$. She also says he only does stupid things like spraypaint and damage property and that our love should mean more than my "stuff". Is this crazy or true? I really dont want to come home and find my garage covered in obsenties for all my neighbours to see, let alone find him beside my house and get sucker punched .

A police report has been filed and they think I shouldnt be losing sleep over this cos it happens all the time, but they are concerned at what he has said to me. Meanwhile I miss my GF and her kids, but tend to think my life is more important than love for the time being. She is going to go for 'no visitation' rights for him with his kids. She also thinks eventually this will all blow over. I am doubting this since the kids are 6- 11. It will be many more yrs for this to blow over. Now she is disappointed in me for not trusting her judgement and thinks I dont really love her as much as she loves me. This has me a bit confused to say the least. But for now I am trying to be strong and keep away. Am I being stupid? I tend to think her ex husband will be a threat for many years to come. She has a restraining order on him that runs out soon and thinks it doesnt help much and is throwing in the towel. But i think she may get it re-instated once he starts harrassing her more.

Basically, she wants me to not necessarily stand up to him, but to "not back down" from him and stand up for her. She hates the feeling that he is winning. To me its not a matter of winning or losing. She also says if roles were reversed she would stand by me. But I dont think she thought that through. I could take a girl in a fight and that he is a lot stronger than a woman so even if it was a two on one he could still come out victor. She also says that he would only get in my face, and wouldnt hit me cos he hates jail. And that if he did hit me, that the bruises would heal. Is love worth all this?

Answer 1

Draw a line buddy, because with fellas like this confrontation well have to happen. Not now, but it well happen. The fact is he is a kid, scared, unsure, and has no direction or purpose. This makes him dangerous but not deadly. You on the other hand have a purpose, one he wasn't man enough to handle. And thats loving her and her kids. Don't let him cross that line. You said something about a bat, just don't you dare take it out and threaten, DON'T YOU DARE! If you ever decide thats to be done, if you take it out, USE IT!!! This guys use to threats and confrontation but not getting his come-upens. Wait for you oppurtinity it well come, but when it does don't talk smack, don't yell, and don't second guess yourself. There well be a peak and when it happens its bat to knee, you hear me. I've had to do it to with the same type of kiddo, you don't play there game, you make them play yours. So relax, have no big concerns about him like she says, just know, when the time comes and he is confronting you and your own, that you'll take that bat and end this.... if this guy had the heart to fight thru pain he wouldn't be in this situation, understand that.... so show him some pain, but remeber don't talk stuff, don't act superior, just do it cold and confident like.... know he isn't your problem, protecting those kiddos and lady are. So again sit back and wait, a time well come and if it doesn't well... looks like you did your job. As far all this breaking your stuff that is what the police are for, your point is to get him into thinking he is in control of this, that he can punk you, then show him you won't blink.... heart breaks pride everytime.... let the cops handle the bs you protect your family.....

Answer 2

First of all your not over reacting now. I say now because you have every reason to be annoyed w her for calling, but she did obviously just call out of the blue. So you really can't be mad at him for that, although I know thats hard! At this point does she even know he's married? Probably not, but still i know its annoying. If he recently had an affair and it sounds like you are trying to work through it, its completely normal for you to get very angry w other women bc you don't trust anyone at this point. But you have to remember your married to HIM not her or the woman he cheated on you with. So personally I would mark this up as an odd occurence and try to let it go, don't let the past break your future if you've decided your going to move on with him. If you can't and this situation makes you THAT angry that you can't get over it, wc is also understandable considering the history of your husband, maybe you need to reevaluate if you can stay in this relationship after his betrayl. This really isn't a situation you can blame him for and if you can't help but blame him right now for THIS situation I really think its just the past taking over the present. Ya know what I mean? I hope this helps and good luck w your relationship. I have had a very similar thing happen, w out the cheating before hand and I also had to work through it, i know its hard.