This has bothered me for years. We are no longer together but I should know if I was unreasonable. I was taken into hospital with reduced fluids on Friday a.m. and finally had C-section Sunday midnight. During that time, he left to go home and to work, leaving me alone with a baby that didn't want to be born just yet.
Reasonable or unreasonable? His work was not critical (police or doctor as examples) but people did need his advice.
Oh, and he was supposed to get a camera to take pics and write the birth announcement. He borrowed a camera. All the pictures of the baby are just blurs and he never wrote the announcement. (I was full of morphine and developed a severe flu after the birth).
It still makes me sad thinking back, as women do.
The kid turned out great!
2007-04-25 03:35:04 · 19 answers · asked by grapeshenry 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Oh, yes, sorry, he was definitely there for the birth/surgery. But the time he wasn't there was scary and lonely for me.
2007-04-25 04:05:43 · update #1
Well, at least the kid turned out great.
Because he was a complete a**hole ...
Very unreasonable. Very selfish. Sounds like he didn't care at all. :(
Glad you got away from him, hon ... don't bother thinking back and being sad over someone who wasn't worth it. :) You deserve more.
2007-04-25 03:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by ♦ Tiff ♦ 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry to hear that you are no longer together.
I'd have to know him as a person, but he sounds like a typical guy. They suck at sitting around doing nothing productive, especially while the woman they love is in distress and there's nothing they can do about it. Going to work was not only his responsibility as a husband and father, but an outlet for him in a stressful situation. As long as he was there to check you in and make sure you were ok, and there for the birth, I'd give him a break.
As for the pictures and birth announcement, I'm not surprised at that at all. I refuse to let my husband film anything important because it always sucks. Not that he's not trying, or it's not important to him, he just sucks at it. Being in the moment in real life is more important to him, and I've accepted that it's not his strength. Asking a guy to write a birth annoucement is like asking him to do a little girls hair for the first time. It's not their forte!! Perhaps he could've written down what you wanted said, since you were incapable of writing.
So, I think you should let him, and yourself, off the hook. It sounds like this situation has caused you a lot of pain and grief over the years, and it's time to let it go. He's just a man, and you can't expect everything wonderful out of men. They have their own strengths to marvel at and be grateful for.
2007-04-25 03:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Margie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't report the reasons he gave, but you detail the things you hung onto, which suggests why your marriage broke up. As a guy, I would probably have done much the same for the following reasons: Sitting around the hospital feeling hopeless is a really wonderful feeling and having nothing to do but look on while someone sleeps and other people sweep in gets really boring. I get really bored in about 5 minutes and look for stuff to read if I haven't brought along. When my wife was in the hospital for surgery, I was happy to have my mother-in-law, whom I like, in to sit with her.
As far as the pictures are concerned, borrowing a camera is always risky and the only way to avoid problems is to take a bunch of picture and (before digital) take the partly used film to be developed. Would you have been happy with him doing this while you were in the hospital? What about asking a friend with a camera who knows how it works to take pictures of you, the baby, you and the baby, him and the baby, and the three of you together. Or was it just supposed to be your baby in the pictures?
2007-04-25 07:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mike1942f 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, you didn't specify if he was there for the actual birth? It's unclear when he left. Either way, I think you are a bit unreasonable. He sounds like any other man, especially considering the added stress of the situation. That would make anyone scatterbrained!.....even a woman. My husband left me in labor to go to work, but I didn't mind, as we didn't know for sure baby was going to be born (it was early). But he did make it back once we found out I was going to have a c-section. I think you should be proud if he just showed up. I certainly didn't expect my husband to get perfect pics or write anything. He was tied up in the moment just as I was. Who cares if it didn't go perfect? You have a healthy kid, right? Nothing ever goes perfect, so I think you should just let it go.
2007-04-25 03:47:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jenintn 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, people only get a limited amount of time off work so perhaps his reasoning was that he wanted to spend time with the baby after it arrived?
I'm sure it is a huge disappointment not to have the pictures and announcements that you were hoping for, I know I didnt' get as many pictures as I wouldve hoped when my son was born, but you can't do anything to get it back now, so just enjoy your kid and try not to dwell on the negative.
2007-04-25 03:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Navy Wife 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how long ago this was... I know men weren't in the delivery ward in the past the way they are now...but he was a jerk for leaving the hospital. No you aren't unreasonable.
Since it sounds like you saw his real personality and parted ways.
I think you ought to get closure... write it on a piece of paper, and get it all out and then burn it. it feels good!
Oh... and the announcement... don't worry... your baby was too young to remember... while I'm sure my parents did an announcement for me... I have no idea what it looks like.
Instead - sit down and write up all your early memoeries of your child, and put them away for when you can't remember as well.
2007-04-25 03:46:48 · answer #6 · answered by Donna W 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Probably one of the reasons you two are no longer together. From personal experience, I know that if I were in the hospital and mine or my child's life were in danger, my husband would not have left my side, even if I told him to. The only exception would be if he knew the baby and I were stable and someone else was there with me. He would never have left me alone. And he is a workaholic! It would bother me too.
2007-04-25 03:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by e_imommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to let it go. I know that it was a horrible experience and he was an insenstive jerk, but get over it. I say this not to be mean, but to help you move on. While he was not there for you, he gave you the greatest gift in the world, your child. Do not let him have the power to take that joy away from you. You can't change the past, but you can stop this man and event from having power of you. Congrats on having a great kid!
2007-04-25 04:15:16 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have been grateful he was out trying to make a living for you and his child. With all the deadbeat dads out there today that do nothing to help with the costs of a child.
You were unreasonable and I can see why you are no longer together.
2007-04-25 04:14:00 · answer #9 · answered by beefcake 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you ever think if he didn't do that to you that you wouldn't have became the strong women/mother that you are? No what he did was wrong! Work isn't as important as the birth of your first child. You only get to see that once! That's a memory that he will never get to have.
2007-04-25 03:46:36 · answer #10 · answered by Kellie R 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So the guy wanted to relax at home and make a little money for his new child, and you are going to give him a hard time? Are you that selfish that you expect him to just sit at a hospital for 3 days doing nothing? If I was him, I would be mad at you for being so unreasonable.
2007-04-25 03:42:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋