How can I find the courage and the heart to break up with my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend really really loves me. I've never felt so loved before in my whole life. He has really opened up to me and made himself vulnerable in a way he's never done before. He's sure he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. But I'm not so sure. He's so young (22) and quite unexperienced - I can't be sure of what he will be like in five or ten years. I want to get married soon and have kids in a couple of years. He wants that too, but I don't know if he's ready. The real issue, in addition to the age thing, is the fact that I'm a Christian and he's not. I'm active in a church as a choir leader. But my faith has had its rough turns. I had two years of depression, when I couldn't see any point in me living instead of dying. Then I decided I had to do something about my life, because clearly no one including God would come and just make everything alright again. And it went OK. And then I met my boyfriend. He has helped me in many ways - he makes me feel like a beautiful pers

Answer 1

just do it and get it over with so he can find someone that loves him

Answer 2

This is not an insult or to make it sound like you are crazy. But it seems to me that you have a lot of conflicting thoughts, feelings and emotions. You might do well seeing a therapist to help you sort out what and why these things are. This is very common and my strongest most confident girl friends all have been to the shrink at one time or another. I marry many interfaith couples and they are wonderful! So religion isn't as big an issue as it sounds. After all if love is divinely inspired then it's not a matter of yes or no but only how. If you have a good man. Make sure you understand the things within yourself that are making you think of throwing him away.

In opening ones self up to being vulnerable it sometimes looks easier to never step into the ring. If you never give all of your heart it will never be broken. But never to know pain or sorrow in ones life would be to live a life that was never blessed with anything worth while.

Yahoo is no substitute for a good therapist.

Answer 3

Tell him how you feel. This isn't some high school romance where in five years it won't matter that you broke up. It sounds like he is a great guy and if age and religion are your only concerns, they are minor things. It sounds like you get along great otherwise... Age is nothing but a number sweetie, if he's this great as young as his is, I'm sure it will only get better as he gets older. Religion is tough, I'm protestant and my boyfriend is Catholic and it causes some problems when we start talking about a wedding or children, but since he's not active in church, it might be easier for you to talk to him about your religion. Help him find God in his life, just imagine how awesome that would be to give him that experience. It sounds like God has been good to you, because you got through the depression, that's awesome! And you said that God wouldn't come and make everything alright, but then you met this guy. Doesn't that say to you that he's an angel sent to you? The best thing you can do before jumping to the conclusion of leaving him is talking to him and telling him all of this. If he feels that he won't be able to give you what you want [marriage and a family] in the future, then you shouldn't be together.

Answer 4

22 is young for a man (sorry guys). You don't mention your age which is probably not relevant anyway. Hate to say it but the west does put rather too much emphasis on age while ignoring the real issues relating to the relationship itself.

Forgive me for asking but I don't see the relationship between faith and the desire to live. If life were not meaningful in its own right then what have we to thank god for?

Marriage is always going to have a risk factor. There are way too many distractions in life for even same-age, same-faith and same-background couples. That does not mean the relationship is doomed. Love is something we need to learn to do...not just people but also the things they are and do.

Even showing a little interest in (say) a hobby of his that you might detest can make a difference. 'I hate this but just want to be with you' situation. He may not go to church but doesn't complain about your faith and doesn't ask you to do anything that would compromise you.....Get him involved at a 'no commit' level and give him time to think about why its important to you.

He makes you feel like beautiful person. God's answer perhaps? Not for me to say and maybe not for you to know until you celebrate your 25th anniversary together. Be happy, take your time and give yourselves time.

Answer 5

You havn't said why you want to break up with him...unless it's because you both have different religious beliefs. You have also said your boyfriend has made you feel like a beautiful person* and has helped you in many ways....so why is it you want to break it off??
no one can be sure what the future holds...what a person will be like in 5-10yrs.......it's all about what choices you make along the way. you said he's 22...you didn't mention how old you are....but at this stage..in your life.....only You can decide what's best for you and your future. If you don't see yourself with this person you need to be honest with them . Bestwishes*

Answer 6

If things were the reverse, believe me he will not be so concerned about you and your feelings. Most men are like that, they only care about themselves and their immediate needs and that is it.
By reading your comments, I think that you don`t love him but it looks like you have a lot of emotional needs and he provides that for you; he makes you feel good because he loves you. When you really love someone, there is nothing in life that will stop you from loving him/her not even religion, your mother, grandmother, the king, queen,death,God etc!
Today, call him and let him know that you are no longer interested on dating him. Let him know that you are having problems within yourself and that dating is complicating your life. Tell him all the good things about him and that he deserves someone better than you, someone with her feets on earth, a person that is not focused on her needs only. (no one is sure of what their partner will be tomorrow, let alone 5-10 Years!)
The longer you keep your feelings from him. the more pain you will be causing to this man. So be strong and face reality.
Good Luck

Answer 7

The Bilble says that you shouldn't date non christians. But seeing as how you already are, the Bible also says that if you are married to someone who isn't a christian, you shouldn't divorce them. You are the light in their lives and the way God can reach them and work on them through you. Talk to him about how you feel and also maybe schedule an appointment with your pastor and him and dicuss it in a group setting.

Answer 8

I think you should ask yourself whether you want to be alone or not. Maybe this caring,gorgeous young man is actually what you really need. Do you really think that you will find another who is so committed yo you. And young is good,22 is certainly not too young if you're thinking babies.

Answer 9

He sounds like the right person for you. You need to tell him how you feel and your concerns. Maybe if you two sat down talked you will be able to work whatever issues you are having.

Answer 10

Just be honest with him. If it is 'genuine' true love, waiting and being apart can only mature the relationship and each will grow. . . and if it is meant to be...you will be together...

If not, you will not be. Better to find out now before the marriage - kids - etc.

good luck to you both

Answer 11

You are confused, Is not that he is not ready, it is YOU the one that is not ready. If you wonder how life would be without him, go on a trial separation and see.
Good luck