I have invited all my single friends to my wedding by addressing the invitation to them (no guest). They have no boyfriend/girlfriend that I know off or if they do I have never met them. Now, I got a reply recently that was only addressed to my friend and she stated that 2 people were coming. Is it rude to contact her and tell her she can not bring her guest or should I just suck it up (as they say)? The only reason I ask is that I have invited 20 friends that are single and if every single one of them brings a guest, I will be paying a ton of cash for people I dont know. WHat is the proper etiquette? I addressed the invitations to only the people invited. I DIDNT state "and guest" on any of my invites....
2007-04-24 18:19:08 · 11 answers · asked by M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's not rude to give her a call and find out who the guest is. She may have managed to get married or engaged and not tell anyone (one of my friends just did this) but if she just plans on bringing the date of the moment you can respectfully tell her that only she was invited and let her decide if she would still like to attend.
2007-04-24 18:25:14 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is not rude at all to ask for no guests. I don't think your friend was purposefully trying to be inconsiderate but she really should not have replied to bring a guest.
Personally in this situation I would just suck it up. I am so nonconfrontational! But you are completely justified in calling her and if you feel okay doing so, I suggest that you give her a call and let her know that you're actually not able to extend the invitation to dates. You don't need to give her any more of a reason than that, and I think she'll be embarrassed enough that she made that mistake.
Actually at my wedding the same thing happened - I invited my kind of estranged cousin and he responded for two. It turns out he was married and I didn't even know it!! I mean if it turns out that she is newly engaged or has a really long term/live in boyfriend, I can see how she would think it's appropriate to bring them. But in the end, if it's going to bother you, I think you should speak up. It's your wedding after all and you deserve to feel happy and not ripped off! Good luck!
2007-04-25 12:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her and say this
Hi Mary its Jane. Listen I just got your RSVP card today and I think some signals got crossed. Unfortunately due to space limitations at our venue and the fact that we didnt want to exclude any friends and loved ones, we had to say that no one who comes can bring a guest. If we were to invite guests it would have meant that we would have had to exclude some of our friends in order to make room and all our friends were just to important to us." (I dont recommend you use the money excuse because it doesnt reflect well on you, the listener will likely think "Well shes obviously having a wedding she cant afford")
At this point she should be so apologetic and embarrassed that you will have to console her, but if by chance she says something about it being only 1 person and surely she could bring him just say "We've invited quite a few freinds and if we say yes to your guest it wouldnt be very fair to the other friends who would have also liked to bring someone, but understood our situation." See that sort of takes her to task for not being an understanding friend.
If she still fights you then you will have to pull out the big gun and tell her that if she just doesnt feel comfortable not bringing a date that you will understand if she would rather change her accept to a decline.
Good luck.
2007-04-25 09:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's understood that if the invitation doesn't indicate "& Guest" then the invitation is only for the named individual. Those friends are either clueless or rude. In either case, you should contact them and let them know that you want to keep it intimate. If you have the budget then let them know anyway but that you will make an exception. A widely accepted policy for intimate receptions is that if the guest is not the husband or wife then he/she should be someone that is significant and at least have met the bride and groom.
2007-04-25 18:38:41 · answer #4 · answered by NoGuests 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you addressed the invite to just the single person, then they are actually the rude one here by assuming they could bring someone with them. I'm sorry, but you have to make a somewhat uncomfortable phone call to your friend, and tell her that while you'd love to have her at the wedding, there simply isn't room for her guest. Be polite, but be firm here. You can't let one person get around this, because then you'll have 19 other friends going "But wait, Susie got to bring her date...."
Good luck to you, and congrats on the upcoming wedding!
2007-04-25 01:43:50 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not rude to contact your friend about her RSVP stating that 2 are attending when only she was invited. It is your wedding and you must make the decisions. Your friend can be told politely that you are not able to accommodate uninvited guests. If it makes her upset and she does not attend, then perhaps she is not as good of a friend as you think. It is rude and inappropriate to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. I say contact her, but be nice.
2007-04-25 12:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Basketcase and Kate. Your friend was actually the rude one by adding an extra person to the RSVP. Before I was married, I never thought to add someone to my RSVP if I was invited as a single. You just went alone and that was that.
If anything, she should have called you before she sent her RSVP back and asked if she could bring her date, making it far less uncomfortable for you, demonstrating she knew she was "breaking the rules" by bringing it up first. You then had the option of saying yes or no based on the situation.
You will have to call her, or see her in person, although calling is probably best if either of you embarrass easily. Don't send an email - it's too hard to tell someone's tone. I think Kate spelled out the conversation perfectly.
2007-04-25 10:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by Silver_Stars 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar situation. My soloist's invitation had just her name (she was also a friend and co-worker), and a few weeks prior to the wedding, she said she hadn't decided who she was going to bring. My first thought was "Oh, S***! I told her she needed to let me know ASAP so I could make the place card for her guest. I went home and scrambled moving seats around so this extra person could be accommodated. Since it was only one person, I sucked it up (she ended up bringing a co-worker that I knew). Everything turned out OK for me, but in your case it could be 10 more people! I suggest you contact her and let her know that funds are tight, and you want her there very badly, but you cannot afford for her to bring a guest. Hopefully she will understand (and anyone else who sends a reply with 2 to attend).
2007-04-25 01:44:05 · answer #8 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her or send her an e-mail saying that you are unable to accommodate her guest. Say that you are short on space and cash, and that none of your friend's were invited to bring a guest.
She might not have known, that you didn't want guests. Chance are she might be embarrassed, but you do need to be up front about this.
2007-04-25 01:29:06 · answer #9 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend is not aware of the wedding invitation rule that if the invitation does not specify "and guest" there should be no one added to your guest list.
It is OK to educate your single friend by explaining that it is only him/her who is invited and that's it. And please, do NOT suck it up and don't feel badly. Weddings are expensive.
2007-04-25 01:37:09 · answer #10 · answered by ♨ Wisper ► 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋