my boyfriend of 6 yrs. is grieving the loss of his 18 yr. old son by suicide and now says that we have no futu

Question

my boyfriend now wants to end our relationship because he says things have changed. He is angry only with me and I love him and his son and have known both for many years. Do I just wait and see and let him grieve and see if he comes back to me

Answer 1

There are five stages of grief and the order is never the same and two can occur at the same time. But when a person loses a child they may attack one of the people who is their best support and you seem to be that one. That is why many marriages fail after the death of a child.

The stages of grief are disbelief, anger, compromise, acceptance, and depression.

Yes, give him time to grieve and work through those stages. Be there if he needs to reach out and do not punish him if he pushes you away, then pulls you close, then ignore you, etc. Each person responds to death differently and for many the knowledge that friends and loved ones are there may not help.

He may feel guilty, i.e., what should I, could I have done. Why didn't I recognize his need.

Be there but be prepared that this could take months and months.

Answer 2

Give him time to grieve. Losing a child is the worse nightmare a parent can go through and some never recover especially if it's a loss by suicide. Just let him know you will be there if he needs to talk. Let him know how much you care but don't pressure him to spend time with you right now. Hopefully he will get help from a support group. Check to see if there is one in your area for grieving parents. My heart goes out to both of you.

Answer 3

I would most def. give him his space. It must be a real time of hardship and although he says things must end, when he is done grieving and has had time to deal with his feelings, I'm sure he will want to continue the relationship. You find when people have someone close who passes that they tend to become very introverted and spend a lot of personal time. However, if he seems depressed at all, you might want to kinda keep tabs on him to see if he is alright, just don't be smothering.

Answer 4

We've been together for 7 years and married for 4 years. My husbands brother died unexpectedly right before Christmas of a brain aneuyrism.

It of course ruined the holidays. Our anniversary was the day before the funeral, of course we didn't have much to celebrate.

I know it was hard and I haven't experienced such a sudden close loss. I knew my husband was depressed, but he seemed to be pushing me away more and more everyday. You would think we'd be getting closer, but we weren't.

We were getting along fine and then one day in March he calls me at work and says he moved all of his stuff out and he needs to be alone to think. I was devastated. I was also in shock. I never dreamed of anything like this.

After talking and figuring out I did nothing and he still loved me and it was just him (his words). There was no one else. I knew he was suffering from depression. I asked him to go to the Dr.

He never moved out. We did go to the Dr. and get depression pills. I think it was a desperate act, but he was calling out for help and didn't know how to ask for it.

Your boyfriend may be the same way. In a death, you would think everyone would get closer, but not in this family. I've since learned that most everyone in his family is now on antidepressants. I've always heard that time heals. For everyone in this family, it just keeps getting worse, not better.

Hang in there and try to help him. I love my husband so much and it broke my heart when he was going to leave. It didn't take much to talk him into staying though.

I think you're right about the anger he is showing you. He is angry his son is dead and doesn't know how to deal with it. They only show their anger to the person they are closest to. I doubt that people at my husbands work see any change in him.

Try to get him on some anti depressants and if you love him, don't leave him alone. Let him know constantly how much you love him.

I wish you luck. I know what you're going through and feeling.

Answer 5

He might need his space, i seen this happen with my sister and her man, except it was my sister who was grieving. I REALLY suggest letting him know you support him and are there for him, but back away and just do your thing until he is ready. It probably sucks to have to do that, but its either you chance it for awhile, or its gonna be over for good. And be real careful what you say around him too. Saying something that you may have no idea would even affend someone could really affend him and he might turn his hurt into anger and hatred towards the closest people in his life, which is probably you.

Answer 6

He is experiencing the normal stages of grief and does really need to complete this process. Allow him to express himself and try not to give him any response that would compound the situation. You've been with him for 6 yrs, and that should have given your relationship a solid foundation to stand on. Let him know you are available to him any time to talk and that you really love him, and then give him some time and space. Good luck to you both and I wish you peace .

Answer 7

just give him time. always be there to support him, If he wants to end the relationship, say OK, but you'll always be there for him when he wants to come back. no parent should ever have to bury their baby, just keep in mind he's going through the hardest thing in the world right now.