I am almost 36 and have not had a lot of experience with relationships. I have never had a long term relationship because in the past I either slept with someone too soon and they disappeared on me OR I sabotaged it.
So, due to past self-destructive behaviors I went into therapy and quit dating for 3 years. I haven't had sex in three years either.
So, I have started dating this guy who is 40. We have been seeing each other about one month (not yet exclusive) for about 2 times a week. I really dig him. We are moving very slow.
How do I keep him interested without effing the relationship up by sleeping with him too soon etc?
In essence, what is the path to a fulfilling relationship??? Mature male responses are highly appreciated here.
2007-04-24 17:06:23 · 5 answers · asked by Attorney 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do not act desperate at all. I let him plan and am a little stand offish. I was very needy and desperate acting in the past. Not the same anymore.
I just don't know how to have relationships...looking for advice from those that have.
2007-04-24 17:12:14 · update #1
Would you settle for a mature female response till a guy comes along?
You actually answered your own question: Take it slow. Men are primordial hunters. They like the chase more than the capture. I'd suggest not sleeping with this man at all until you're sure you're going to have a long-term relationship with him. You could even tell him that--just not in those terms. Tell him sex means committment to you and you're not sure if you're ready for that. If he respects and understands that, you have a winner. If not, you won't have lost anything.
Good luck.
2007-04-24 17:15:03 · answer #1 · answered by Alice K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still dating then he is still interested. I would suggest just keep having fun together and building a friendship.
I have given up dating for at least until the end of this year. I too have had a long history of failed relationships for the same reasons as you.
I hope that when I do start dating I will have the courage to keep it slow. If he is worth it he will wait.
2007-04-24 17:12:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In most long term relationships, *friends* are made then lovers.....Slow is in the heart of the individual or couple..... we all have to make choices about wich road to go down or path to follow, even in LOVE....... I have been married 31 yrs. and still do NOT have it all figured out.... that is part of the problem, ppl try to figure it all out instead of enjoying what is right there in our faces or hearts as it is...... Listen, hear, reach out, grasp, take and give, trust, understanding, compassion, all those things and more will help you KNOW when and where and just WHAT is right.... Take the time to know YOU, then HIM, and then the COUPLE !!!!! and about keeping his interest ?? Either he is or he aint.... ADD is NOT part of loving someone !!!!! God bless
2007-04-24 17:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
friendship is the key. me and my wife are the best of friends most of the time. And during our courtship we decided to not have sex till we were married. just to make sure that we were doing this for the right reasons(not just wild youth-full lust).
sex is not a bad thing just don't base a relationship on it, and if you have been at this for over a month it sounds like you got a solid foundation forming. As far as when to have sex? Don't give 'it all' at one time, let your playfull side show.
2007-04-24 17:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by paducahshane1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't act and sound too desperate. Let the guy takes the lead this time.
2007-04-24 17:10:43 · answer #5 · answered by SGElite 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋